Bill: You need to slow down.
Kim: I'm barely moving.
Bill: Watch out for that car.
Kim: Dad, we're stopped.
Bill: In the middle of the street?
Kim: At a stop sign! I know what I'm doing.
Bill: Then why aren't you moving? It's clear.

Bill: Give me your keys. I'll drive you.
Granddaddy Clisby: Oh, no, no. Nobody drives Old Betsy but me.
Bill: Come on, Dad. You know it's for the best.
Granddaddy Clisby: Best for who? Not for me. I mean, h-how am I gonna get to the barbershop and see my friends?
Kim: [to Dean] He has friends?
Granddaddy Clisby: Son, now you best get on out of my way.
Bill: Sorry, Daddy, but this how it has to be.
Adult Dean: As I watched my dad face off with his dad, I thought how great it must feel to finally get to lay down the law to your own father. But the look on my dad's face said it didn't feel great at all.

Granddaddy Clisby: I'mma need to get to the hardware store on Saturday.
Bill: For what? You have every nail that's... [off Lillian's look] Fine. Kim can take you. As a matter of fact, you should leave your car here for her to drive.
Granddaddy Clisby: Now, how are you gonna give away my car?
Kim: Really? I'm getting my own car?
Bill: I'll buy it for you, on the condition you take your granddaddy wherever he needs to go.
Granddaddy Clisby: Hold on. This child don't need to be driving me all over town. This child need to be trying to find herself a husband. That's what she need...
Lillian: A husband? She's 17!
Granddaddy Clisby: Okay, you right. Ship's passed.

Norman: The mall was so fun. The girls from the Catholic school were there, too.
Brad: We all met up in the parking lot.
Dean: Then what'd you do?
Norman: Just met up. I'd never seen them without their uniforms before.
Cory: They were naked?
Norman: No, dummy. They were wearing regular clothes. But maybe next time... Anything could happen at the mall.

Dean: Wait, Norm might be onto something. If our dads take us, they'll probably just lose us anyway. That'll give us enough time to hang out until they find us. Can your dad take us?
Cory: Mm, I mean, if he's not working late or going to a fraternity meeting or drinking scotch and listening to jazz. Maybe your dad could take us.
Dean: Nah, my dad's just gonna say, "Go with your mother. She's always shopping." Then she'll say it's her money, she'll spend it how she wants. Then they'll send me to my room so they can talk.

Adult Dean: I neglected to mention to Cory that riding with my sister came with one condition.
Granddaddy Clisby: Boy, stop breathing down my neck. You're gonna set my collar on fire. And comb your hair! Both of you look like you got weeds growing out of your head. Our people's hair looked better during slavery.
Dean: I just combed it.
Granddaddy Clisby: Well, next time, do it right.
Adult Dean: That's how it was between us and Granddaddy. I guess he loved his grandkids, but he never showed it, just a nonstop stream of insults.
Granddaddy Clisby: [horn honks] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Come on, Kim! Didn't you see the truck? Maybe if you'd take some of that eye makeup off, you could see a little better.
Adult Dean: And criticisms.
Kim: I saw him coming up fast, so I let him pass.
Granddaddy Clisby: Maybe that's your problem. You're too nice. Didn't even cuss at him or flash a gun.

Kim: Okay, Granddaddy. Next stop is the hardware store.
Granddaddy Clisby: Well, you're going the wrong way. I'm going to Mercer's down there on Dexter.
Cory: Dean, that's the opposite way of the mall.
Dean: Yeah, Cory's right. We're gonna miss all the fun.
Kim: Why that one? Aren't all wrenches the same?
Granddaddy Clisby: Oh, young lady, all you need to know about tools is which one to pass your husband when he's fixing the sink. [Kim sighs] The stores on this side of town don't like us, so take me to a store where there's Negro clerks that don't follow me around and ask me for my money just so they can be sure I can pay.
Kim: Okay, but we have to stop at the grocery store and the dry cleaner before we get there. [Granddaddy Clisby groans]
Dean: No! Everybody's waiting for us at the mall. If we make all those stops, they'll be gone by the time we get there.
Granddaddy Clisby: If Mercer's sell out of those new soldering irons, I'm going to get mean, and you guys don't want to see that!

Keisa: I'd love to see that.
Dean: Yeah, me too. But my dad doesn't let me see R-rated movies.
Granddaddy Clisby: Your dad said that? Well, I'm in charge, and, uh, I got money. I can get you in.
Dean: Really? All of us?
Granddaddy Clisby: Yeah. [removes wad of cash] [all gasp] You think this is enough?
Dean: Yeah!
Adult Dean: Whenever I looked at the roll of cash he carried, I thought Granddaddy Clisby was rich. I didn't realize back then, it was hard for him to get a bank account. One good gust of wind, and he'd be off to the poorhouse.

Granddaddy Clisby: So, that's who you're courting now?
Dean: What? Oh, no. I have a girlfriend. She just left. [chuckles] The one with the cotton candy.
Granddaddy Clisby: Boy, if The Blind Boys of Alabama were standing here, they'd be singing songs about how you're looking at that girl.
Dean: Keisa's just my friend.
Granddaddy Clisby: Ah, well, whatever you say. But it was a smart thing for you to pick a scary movie. Yeah, she might get frightened and let you put your arm around her. I like that.
Adult Dean: Smart? Wow. That was the nicest thing Granddaddy Clisby had ever said to me. Maybe he was softening up.

Kim: Sorry I'm late. I ran into a boy from school who worked at the shoe store. He invited me to a party, so I'm gonna have to take you to the barbershop tomorrow. Sorry.
Granddaddy Clisby: [to Dean] Listen, if the Devil is looking to pick a bride, I got a suggestion. [both laugh]