Granddaddy Clisby: [muttering] Nobody tells me... No son of mine is gonna tell me when I can get my hair cut. Well, are you staying or coming?
Dean: You want me to go with you?
Granddaddy Clisby: Yeah. Now, now, listen. Listen, listen. Now, if you gonna go with me, no snitching to your dad.
Adult Dean: So it began... my first joyride in a stolen vehicle. Thelma had Louise, and I had my 73-year-old grandfather. We were locked and loaded for trouble... as soon as we adjusted the front seat. [seats squeal, click]
Granddaddy Clisby: [keys jingle] [chuckles] She didn't know I had these.

Kim: Dad, can you please tell Dean to stop breathing on my neck? That hot breath is gonna mess up my hair.
Bill: Dean, sit back. Kim, go around this car in front of you. Driving like a maniac. [tires screech] Be careful, now. [honks horn]
[As Kim drives past the erratic driver, the man gives them the finger out of the window]
Bill: Dad?
Dean: Granddaddy Clisby?
Adult Dean: The only person I knew who my dad had to answer to. Back then, I thought Granddaddy Clisby was mean just to be mean. I was wrong. That was him being nice.

Bill: It'll be hard at first, but Lil and I will make sure you and Mama get every place you need to go, on time and in style.
Granddaddy Clisby: [chuckles] That's why I was invited over here. To fill me up on pound cake and meat loaf while you two conspire to steal my freedom. No.
Lillian: W... [sighs] We just want you to be safe.
Granddaddy Clisby: Mm-hmm.
Lillian: Mother Williams said you drove into the shed...
Granddaddy Clisby: Well...
Lillian: ...and crushed all of her gardening supplies.
Granddaddy Clisby: I just need to get my brakes checked, huh? Listen, why don't you wrap me up some of this pound cake? I'm going home. Mills Brothers on TV tonight, huh?

Bill: And instead of you taking Mama to church, Kim can take her.
Kim: But that's six times a week.
Bill: Kim.
Granddaddy Clisby: This child just got her license a hot minute ago. I mean, hell, I drive better than she do.
Bill: She's been trained by the best... me. So it's settled. This could work out good for everybody.
Adult Dean: Yeah, my dad never got any better at reading a room.

Dean: Man, I wish I could go to the mall without my parents.
Brad: How does Norman get to go by himself?
Dean: Divorced dad. Norm says he lets him do whatever he wants.
Cory: Lucky. Why do my parents gotta be so in love with each other?

Kim: Okay. Let's listen to some music.
Radio: ♪ All right, ow! ♪
Granddaddy Clisby: Oh, my God. Come on. Come on. Come on. No. Yeah, that boy get too sweaty. Y'all need to listen to some gospel.
Radio: ♪ Yeah, you look to Jesus ♪ ♪ Look to Jesus ♪ ♪ Look to Jesus ♪ ♪ Look to Jesus ♪
Granddaddy Clisby: You two need some Jesus. [to Cory] Now, son, I don't know you, but I can tell by looking at you that you could use some, too.
Kim: [scoffs] The radio station is the driver's choice.
Radio: ♪ All right ♪
Adult Dean: As Kim dragged us along on her errands, I discovered Granddaddy Clisby and I had something in common. He hated being in the Kiddie Car as much as I hated being in the Senile Shuttle.
Cory: I have Jesus, sir.
Granddaddy Clisby: Shut up, boy. You don't.

Cory: Is it me, or does it even smell like girls in here?
Dean: It definitely does.
Kim: That's because we're in front of the perfume department, idiot.
Dean: Shh. Stop talking! I don't want my friends to see you here with me. They think we're here alone.
Granddaddy Clisby: Don't disrespect your sister, hmm? Do you own a hat? [walks off]

Adult Dean: I was finally able to embark on my first solo visit to the mall. I felt grown, mature, tall... bored. None of us knew how to talk to the girls.

Granddaddy Clisby: You know, your father, grandmother, and that redneck police officer don't know what they talking about. I been driving for 60 years. Yeah, I know what I'm doing.
Adult Dean: Watching the expression on my granddad's face, I related to him in a new way. We were both tired of unfair limitations other people put on us. We had both gotten a taste of independence, and it was good. This was actually fun. The two of us breaking rules, together.

Granddaddy Clisby: Now, now, now, when Bray first started cutting hair, oh, he was just so nervous, his... his hands were shaking like a leaf. [laughs] I had to say to him... I said, "Now, don't you dare cut no zig-zags in my hair," see?