Michael Scott: Business is like a jungle. And I am like a tiger. And Dwight is like a monkey that stabs the tiger in the back with a stick. Does the tiger fire the monkey? Does the tiger transfer the monkey to another branch? Pun. There's no way of knowing what goes on inside the tiger's head. We don't have the technology.

Jan: Dwight, you must feel strongly to speak with me this way, behind Michael's back, and turn on so many of your co-workers.
Dwight K. Schrute: The decision to turn on Michael was difficult. But once I did it, I didn't look back. And mostly I feel that Michael would approve. It's really what's best for the branch. And I could care less about my co-workers. So, here we are. It's all on the table. I want the branch. And I await your decision. Oh, by the way, there's a new Ann Taylor outlet store near here. I know you like their earrings.
Jan: Where is it?

Michael Scott: But I think you should do it.
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, gosh, if you think I should then I will.
Michael Scott: Perfect. Well, we're settled.
Dwight K. Schrute: All right.
Michael Scott: All right. Well, then you are now Acting Manager of Dunder Mifflin, Scranton branch, and I am Assistant Regional Manager.
Dwight K. Schrute: Assistant to the Regional Manager.

Jim: At the Stamford branch, they all play this World War II videogame called Call of Duty. And they're all really into it. I'm told that it started as a teambuilding exercise. Unfortunately, I really suck at it. We didn't play many videogames in Scranton. Instead, we'd do stuff like Pam and I would sometimes hum the same high-pitched note and try to get Dwight to make an appointment with an ear doctor. And Pam called it Pretendonitis.

Pam: I have this little old vacuum cleaner that's broken. If Dwight doesn't work out, maybe that could be manager.

Jan: How would a movie increase productivity, Michael? How on Earth would it do that?
Michael Scott: People work faster after.
Jan: Magically?
Michael Scott: No. They have to, to make up for the time they lost watching the movie.
Jan: No.

Angela: I know that patience and loyalty are good and virtuous traits, but sometimes I just think you need to grow a pair.

Jan: [o.s., answering phone] Hello?
Dwight K. Schrute: Is this Jan?
Jan: Who is this?
Dwight K. Schrute: This is Dwight Schrute. [Jan sighs] I am calling about an extremely sensitive matter.
Jan: You should talk to Michael and he'll talk to me, and that way we don't have to speak to each other.
Dwight K. Schrute: It's about Michael.
Jan: What about him?
Dwight K. Schrute: I can't talk here. It's too sensitive.
Jan: It's not about a surprise party, is it?
Dwight K. Schrute: No, but we should discuss that another time.

Jan: [on the phone] Look, I'm already an hour outside of Scranton, Dwight, I'm not coming back.
Dwight K. Schrute: Pull over at Exit 40. There is a Liz Claiborne outlet. I know you like that store. Go inside and shop until I can meet you.
Jan: How do you know I like that store?
Dwight K. Schrute: Many of your blouses are Claibornes.
Jan: How do you know that?
Dwight K. Schrute: It's part of my job.
Jan: No, it's not. It's officially not.
Dwight K. Schrute: Noted.

Dwight K. Schrute: Did you get anything good?
Jan: Yeah.
Dwight K. Schrute: New blouse? Halter-top? Camisole? Teddy?