Michael Scott: You can't be a baby in the office. It makes me look like I hire babies.
Andy: Well if I we're complaining, a lot of people think your Elvis voice is annoying.
Michael Scott: Okay, who said that?
Andy: I don't-just people. For the record, I think it's pretty fantastic.
Michael Scott: [Elvis voice] Well, thank you. Thank you a lot. And for what it's worth I think your baby voice is tops.
Andy: [baby voice] Tank you Mr. Elwis.
Michael Scott: [as Elvis] You're welcome, baby.

Jim: Great. Hey, how do you feel about starting an Employee of the Month program?
Michael Scott: Yeah, you know what, that actually might make me feel better. I'm not in this for the trophies, but...
Jim: You're not in it at all, because you can't be employee of the month, you're a manager.
Michael Scott: Well, technically, I'm a co-manager, and I barely have any responsibilities. But I work hard, I love this company, and for those reasons, I think I would make a good employee of the month.
Jim: It would look bad. Sorry.
Michael Scott: It would look good, on my mantle.

Erin: Hey, Pam, do you have a sec to check over this itinerary?
Pam: Looks great.
Erin: Oh, did you really look it over? Felt like maybe you didn't.
Pam: Okay. The Michael Scott Foundation is still in existence?

Pam: Michael, why did you promise that?
Michael Scott: To change lives.
Pam: No. Michael, why would you promise that?
Michael Scott: Yeah, okay. Call the school, cancel. I can't go through with this.
Erin: We've already rescheduled seven times.
Pam: Michael, this is a terrible terrible thing you've done.
Michael Scott: Well...
Pam: It's terrible. Just terrible. And the longer you put it off, the worse it's going to get.

Michael Scott: Just tell me it is going to be okay, all right?
Pam: No!
Michael Scott: I'm not a bad news person. I bring good news. Like when I promised those kids I'd pay for college. [Stanley laughing again] Okay, all right.
Pam: You have to tell them.
Michael Scott: Would you come with me? You know, like old times, instead of...
Erin: I can print out a new itinerary with Pam's name on it.
Pam: It's fine. Erin, you're going to go. And you're going to make sure Michael tells the truth.
Michael Scott: Argh! God, you know what, could this day get any worse?

Teacher: Politicians are always coming around, telling us they're going to fix our schools, promising this and that. But you, Mr. Scott, you are actually doing it. You have taught these kids with hard work, that anything is possible. You are a dream maker and I thank you! I thank you. I thank you. I thank you. I thank you. So much.
Lefevre: There were a lot of times over the years where I was pressured to get into the drug game. But I always thought back to my guardian angel, and the gift that you gave me. So I just want to thank you for giving me the opportunity to go to college, educate myself, and become the next President Obama.
Michael Scott: [crying] Oh, God. Oh, God.

Teacher: Let's put your hands together and give a warm welcome for the man of the hour, Mr. Michael Scott. [loud applause]
Michael Scott: All right. Wow. Um, I am never going to forget today. Not a chance. I don't think I could ever give back to you what you have given me today. Who here has done something stupid in their lives? Like skipped out on study hall or mix up the difference between "A" gym and "B" gym, that sort of thing? Show of hands, anybody? Yes, a bunch of you, okay. Well, me too, I've done something stupid which I would like to share. Um. [period bell rings] Should we go?
Teacher: Oh, no. We're okay. It's a double period
Michael Scott: Ah. All right. I came here today because I promised you tuition and tuition is very valuable. But you know what's invaluable is intuition. You know what that is? That is the ability to know when something is about to happen. Does anybody out there have intuition? Know what's gonna happen next? Nobody? Okay, you're going to make me say it. All right, I am so proud of all of you. Derrick, and Lefervre, and Ben, and Ayana, and Mikela, and Nikki and Jason, and... I'm sorry, okay, sorry spacing, your name?
Zion: I'm Zion, I'm Mikela's younger brother.
Michael Scott: Well, Zion, I am not going to be paying for your college tuition. Which brings me to my main point and that is that I will not be able to pay for anybody's tuition. I'm so, so sorry.

Creed: Guys, I'm starting to think Pam's not really even pregnant.

Pam: Okay, for the record, I am pregnant and, obviously there has been some kind of a mistake, so why doesn't Jim just pick the next highest score on the list and we'll move on.
Phyllis: That's fair.
Dwight K. Schrute: Excellent idea, Pam.
Pam: Thank you.
Andy: That would be employee number three, which is.. Son of a bitch, Pam Halpert.
Phyllis: How is that possible? No offense, Pam, but how the hell is that possible?

Dwight K. Schrute: There must be some reasonable explanation for this.
Pam: No, wait, come on. I didn't miss a day, I came in early, I stayed late, and I doubled my sales last month.
Andy: Oh, really? From what, two to four?
[aside to camera:]
Pam: Yup.