Michael Scott: I've always wanted to be in the witness protection program. Fresh start. No debts, no baggage. I've already got my name picked up: "Lord Rupert Everton." I'm a, uh, shipping merchant who raises fancy dogs.
That's the life.

Pam: We wrote a good review. Under comments, we wrote: "The natural aroma of the beets drifts into the bedrooms and makes you dream of simpler times."
Jim: "The dawn goose walk will tug at your heartstrings."
Pam: "Table-making never seemed so possible."
Jim: "You will never want to leave your room."
Pam: "The architecture reminds one of a quaint Tuscan beetfarm."

Jim: Does the Department of Health know about this?
Dwight K. Schrute: I am not telling you anything. Permits are pending. [answering the phone] Dwight Schrute, Dunder Mifflin.
Pam: I'm looking for a room.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, this is a misuse of company phones.
Pam: It says here you cater to the elderly.
Dwight K. Schrute: Where did you read that?
Pam: TripAdvisor.
Dwight K. Schrute: How many in your party?
Pam: Two.
Dwight K. Schrute: We offer our tours of the fields and of the barn. Perhaps you'd be interested in Mose's table-making demonstration.

Michael Scott: Okay, here's the thing about Die Hard 4. Die Hard 1, the original, John McClain is just this normal guy, you know? He's just a normal New York city cop who gets his feet cut, he gets beat up. But he's an everyday guy. In Die Hard 4, he is jumping a motorcycle into a helicopter in the air. You know? He's invincible. It's just sort of lost from Die Hard 1. It's not Terminator.

Michael Scott: And the best way to start is to hit "Start". And up comes the tool bar. That's what she said.

Dwight K. Schrute: TripAdvisor is the lifeblood of the agro-tourism industry. A couple of bad reviews there, you may as well close up shop. That's what took down the Stalk Inn, one of the cutest little asparagus farms you'll ever see.

Dwight K. Schrute: "And Harry saw the white hand raise its wand and felt Voldemort's surge of vicious anger. Saw the frail old man on the floor writhe in agony. 'Harry.' It was over as quickly as it had come. Harry stood shaking in the darkness, clutching the gate into the garden, his heart racing."

Phyllis: He's always been terrible with money.
Stanley: I bet it's Jan spending him straight to the poorhouse.
Kevin: Yeah, women be shoppin'.
Meredith: I can't believe he has a second job.
Oscar: He's not even good at his first one.

Michael Scott: What am I doing? I'm blowing dodge. I'm getting out of town. Whatever you call it. I'm running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.

Kevin: The bar uses an applause meter. That is why it is so important that you all come and applaud only for my band, Scrantonicity 2. Not Scrantonicity, which I am no longer a part of.