Michael Scott: Anything can happen at the Dundies. They're like the Golden Globes but less mean. And I just want all of us to have a good time.
Dwight K. Schrute: Just a little announcement, folks. Remember, the Dundies is a black tie affair.
Michael Scott: Black tie optional.
Dwight K. Schrute: Every day is black tie optional.

Michael Scott: So, as you know, the Dundies are my legacy. So I'm going to need to train a replacement. So this year, I have decided to have a co-host. And that person is... [Michael and DeAngelo drum roll] DeAngelo!
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: Always the Padawan, never the Jedi.

DeAngelo: Ugh, I gotta find Michael Scott. And then I gotta, get him to the Dundies! [to Angela] Hey, can you help me find Michael Scott Angela?
Michael Scott: [as Angela] My boyfriend can, he's a state senator.
DeAngelo: Mmhmm.
Michael Scott: Oh wait, he can't help because that title has no meaning!
Oscar: Try Jim, DeAngelo, he'll be able to help.
DeAngelo: Jim. Do you know where I can find Michael Scott?
Michael Scott: [as Jim] I totally don't know where Michael is, dude. Hey you wanna listen to some records?
DeAngelo: No one is listening to me. I'm running out of time.
Michael Scott: [as Phyllis] Well, what are you talking about? [cracking noise] Oh! Oh! [falls onto the ground] I've fallen and I can't get up!
DeAngelo: Maybe I just need to look into my heart. [in the bathroom in front of the mirror] DeAngelo, where is Michael Scott? [his reflection in the mirror turns around, revealing him to be Michael]
Michael Scott: I'm here. In a good way! I've been here the whole time.

Michael Scott: Which moves us to, Best Mom Dundie. I guess we all kinda consider her a mom around the office, Meredith Palmer!
Meredith: [jogs up and kisses Michael] Tell ya one thing, I'm not gonna be a good mom tonight. Whoo!

Michael Scott: Year after year, I catch a lot of flak on this particular award, because year after year I present this award to a guy instead of a girl. Hottest in the office goes to, [Ryan stands up] Danny Cordray! [Ryan quickly sits] Danny couldn't be here tonight...
[aside to camera:]
Ryan: How do I feel about not winning Hottest in the Office this year? Um, I'm very relieved. How do you- How do you judge something like that? What is the criteria even? It's- It's so subjective.

DeAngelo: Every day, millions of Americans suffer from extreme repulsiveness. Someone in our midst, is bringing that problem to light. Toby Flenderson, please come up here and accept the Extreme Repulsiveness Award. Oh, that's so mean!
Michael Scott: No, it's not.
Oscar: It's his last Dundies.
Jim: You gotta play along, man.
Oscar: Come on, Toby.
Michael Scott: Here he comes. Alright, you deserve it!
Toby: I really disagree with this. I think it's kind of hateful. Though I am a little happy right now to have a platform to talk about the outcome of a case that I was recently a juror on: The Scranton Strangler. A man's being put to death. I was part of the verdict, and I'm not so sure he's guilty any more.

[on a pre-taped video:]
Erin: DeAngelo, Jo's on the phone for you.
DeAngelo: Hello?
Michael Scott: [Michael dressed as Jo, talking in a Southern accent] DeAngelo, we're in serious horse manure here! The Dundies are tonight! And we ain't got no host!
DeAngelo: Oh no!
Michael Scott: Luckily I have someone for you!
DeAngelo: Billy Crystal?
Michael Scott: Better.
DeAngelo: Neil Patrick Harris?
Michael Scott: He's in Little Shop of Horrors on Broadway. No, we need Michael Scott! The best darn Dundies host both sides of the Mississippi!

Gabe: Well, this is embarrassing. Um, I'm obviously really angry at Erin. Here comes that quarter life crisis everyone's talking about. Alright, I'm gonna go. [Dwight plays cricket noises]

Michael Scott: It is six a.m. [DeAngelo yawns] and DeAngelo and I are about to go house-to-house to give everyone their Dundie Nomination Certificates. Just like the Oscars!
DeAngelo: Yes, and this happens every...?
Michael Scott: Every year! This happens, you have a lot to learn my friend.
DeAngelo: Well, you know, why don't we try it, and if it goes good it'll be part of my tradition.
Michael Scott: Why have you been saying that? You're gonna love it.

Michael Scott: Surprise!
DeAngelo: Congratulations!
Jim: Yep, okay...
Michael Scott: You and Pam have both been nominated for Dundie Awards!
Jim: Okay.
Michael Scott: Here we go. Have Pam come down.
Jim: No, no. She's not here.
Pam: [o.s.] What's going on?
Jim: Stay in bed!