Nellie: So what is going on? That does seem to be the question, doesn't it? [in American accent] Hey, this is messed up, bro. Who is this weird lady? [normal voice] I know. It's a lot. So, who knows what's going on? Anyone? You, yes. Wait, I am very good at intuiting names. Is it... chumbo?
[aside to camera:]
Jim: I think it's a cross between Dumbo and Jumbo, with a hint of chubby. It's not a name.

Glenn: Erin, you really nailed the hot dogs today.
Erin: Oh, thanks. I've been re-using the hot dog water so it gets more flavor. It's only going to keep getting better.

Robert: Jim, I told Andy to come in, and yet he is still not in. By contrast, Nellie Bertram saw a vacuum and filled it. To make no mention of her business experience or her relationship with Jo Bennett, my boss.
Jim: Yes.
Robert: Jim, would you prefer a nature metaphor or a sexual metaphor?
Jim: Oh, god, nature, please.
Robert: When two animals are having sex, one of them is communicating a message to the other. Nothing is mutua- This isn't very helpful. You're gonna want to hear the sexual metaphor.
Jim: Was that not the-
Robert: All life is sex. And all sex is competition.
Jim: Mmm-hm.
Robert: And there are no rules to that game. That wasn't so perverted, now was it?
Jim: Was that it? No, that wasn't bad.

Robert: Nellie.
Nellie: Robert.
Robert: How are you adjusting to life in Scranton so far?
Nellie: So far, so good.
Robert: Good.
Nellie: The water pressure in the hotel is marvelous.
Robert: Ah, well, it is astounding what a difference that can make, isn't it?

Nellie: I came in here simply trying to get to know you, learn your names, maybe have someone teach me the company song. What I got in return was nothing but disrespect. You leave me no choice but to get to know you in a more intimate way.
Kevin: Hot tub party?
Nellie: Performance reviews.
Pam: How can you give us performance reviews if you don't know us?
Nellie: On first impressions, so I recommend smiling. It goes a long way with me.

Pam: [answering phone] This is Pam. Oh my God, are you sure? Uh, okay. Okay, um, we'll be right there. Everybody, the balloon is falling.
Kevin: Nice.
[aside to camera:]
Pam: There's this balloon that has been floating in the rafters of the warehouse for, like, ever. And, okay, it's not - It doesn't sound cool. You just have to see it.
[later, in the warehouse:]
Pam: Well, I guess it doesn't look that cool either. But, it's been up there a long time, so it's become a pretty big deal.
Jim: Wow. It's the end of an era.
Pam: Did a good job, Buddy. Now it's time to come home.
Oscar: I remember when that balloon went up there. I was still with Gil. We were so happy.
Kevin: When that went up there, I had hair like Rapunzel.
Ryan: How long do you think it's been up there, Kevin?
Kevin: I just remember pushing aside my silky bangs to say, "Look, a balloon."
Dwight K. Schrute: My Warcraft clan was still on speaking terms.
Meredith: My kid didn't have a face tattoo.
Darryl: I was still thinking of going back to school.
Jim: And I was still just a paper salesman.
Dwight K. Schrute: Well this has been fun, Pam. Thanks for calling us all down here. [everyone sighs]
All: Kill the balloon. Kill the balloon. Kill the balloon. Kill the balloon. Kill the balloon.

Dwight K. Schrute: How could Robert transfer Nellie here after the Sabre store debacle? She stinks of failure. The fact that she could show her face around here is an embarrassment. I should know. I'm in an identical situation.

Erin: Look at this place! Five rooms, and I get to clean them all. That's right. I'm a maid for an old lady. Her grandson's staying with us too because he ran out of money. [chuckles] Listen to me, bragging away.

Jim: Um are you aware that Nellie is giving out raises?
Robert: I am not. Huh.
Jim: Yeah. She gave one to Dwight, Phyllis.
Robert: Let me guess, you want one, too? Take the family to Disneytown?
Jim: Land. World. Uh, it's not that I don't want a- Well, yes, I guess I'd take a raise. That's not what I'm saying. That's not- Sorry.

Erin: Andy, you broke my heart. Do you know what it feels like to be constantly rejected by you and to have to watch you date someone else?
Andy: You broke my heart too.
Erin: You broke my heart more recently and more often. And I think at some point, in my head, it just sort of clicked that we're not meant to be.
Andy: I'm so sorry that we have not loved each other at the same time.
Erin: I know.