‘Counseling’
Season 7, Episode 2 - Aired September 30, 2010
Michael is forced to attend his mandatory counseling session with Toby, who tries to get his boss to open up about his feelings. Meanwhile, the rest of the office helps Dwight get "Pretty Woman"-style revenge on a store which refused to serve him.
Quote from Dwight K. Schrute
Dwight K. Schrute: You guys know me. You know that I'm not one for fancy things. But there was this one thing. It was in a fancy store. And it caught the corner of my eye when I took Mose down to the mall to get his blood pressure at the Rite-Aid. And I thought, you know, maybe I deserve this. You know, I had a great crop yield this fall.
Pam: So what happened?
Dwight K. Schrute: I went to the store and I pressed the buzzer, and they looked right at me, and then they looked away. And then I pressed the buzzer again, and they started taking pictures of me on their mobile phones. I guess I'm not the kind of guy that's good enough for precious heirlooms.
Kelly: You know what Dwight? You need to go back there, and you need to "Pretty Woman" their asses.
Quote from Andy
Dwight K. Schrute: Apparently there is a famous Hollywood movie from the 1980's, Beautiful Girl...
Andy: [while combing Dwight's hair] Pretty Woman.
Dwight K. Schrute: Apparently, it's one of the best revenge stories of all times, in which this sex worker, who is the antagonist... That can't be right. Andy? How does it...?
Jim: No, no. I want to hear you tell it.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, um... The sex worker is denied service at a fancy store because she does not look wealthy. She later returns dressed in all the "trappings" of extravagant wealth, but instead of going...
Andy: Julia Roberts goes into the store, and she's like," I was in here yesterday and you people wouldn't help me." And the shop girl goes, "Oh". And Julia Roberts goes," You girls work on commission, right?" And the girl is like,"Yeah", and Julia Roberts goes...
Kelly: "Big mistake! Huge!"
Andy: I was telling- I was telling that.
Quote from Michael Scott
Michael Scott: Toby, can I really tell you anything?
Toby: Of course.
Michael Scott: Well, the other night, I was sitting at the table, eating my penis... I mean peas. That was weird. Ah, it's weird. I think that was ... I was probed. By an alien life form. An A.L.F. Alf. You know, I might have actually been probed by Alf. You might think he's a puppet. You never see the lower half. But there is a lower half.
Quote from Michael Scott
Michael Scott: And I was raised by wolves. I was 25 years old before I saw my first human being. Wait, is it a full moon tonight? [howls like a werewolf]
Toby: Come on, Michael. Those are all fake stories.
Michael Scott: Yes, Yes. They are all fake stories. What sort of twisted mind would come up with weird stories like that? Three hours. We're half way done.
Quote from Toby
Toby: We can play something more complicated if you like.
Michael Scott: This is plenty complicated.
Toby: So you have played it before?
Michael Scott: I've played it once or twice with Jeff.
Toby: Who's Jeff?
Michael Scott: Jeff was my mother's boyfriend, who she married.
Toby: So, her husband, your stepdad?
Michael Scott: Yeah, Yeah. I guess I never thought about it that way, though.
Toby: Did you guys do much stuff together?
Michael Scott: Yeah. You know what? He took me to a baseball game once, I remember. It was weird though. They took the pitcher out of the game. And I felt really bad, because the pitcher wasn't going to be able to play with his friends anymore. But Jeff said that the manager was making a really good move, by taking the pitcher out. He really respected the manager.
[aside to camera:]
Toby: It's working. I'm doing it!
Quote from Pam
Pam: The first lesson of watching World Poker Tour at 2:00 AM, you play the opponent. Not the cards.
Quote from Dwight K. Schrute
Salesman: Let me know if I can help you with anything.
Dwight K. Schrute: Excuse me, sir.
Salesman: Yes?
Dwight K. Schrute: I was here yesterday, and you refused to wait on me.
Salesman: I remember, yes. I'm terribly sorry about that.
Dwight K. Schrute: You work on commission, don't you?
Jim: Stop, stop, stop.
Salesman: No, we don't.
Jim: Did you just say you remember him?
Salesman: Of course, but he looks much less threatening now.
Jim: What does that mean?
Salesman: We had a safety concern. Um... we very politely indicated that he'd be welcome back...
Dwight K. Schrute: Good Morning!
Salesman: If he were in accordance with our dress policy.
Dwight K. Schrute: What?
Salesman: But the blood stained hands...
Dwight K. Schrute: It was beet juice! I am a beet farmer, idi...
Salesman: I'm very sorry.
Dwight K. Schrute: Good sir. I happen to have been working a very long day. When I came to you fine establishment. You are such a... I'm gonna... Okay. Listen. You can't treat... Thank you! Good morning sir!
Jim: Okay, let's just go.
Dwight K. Schrute: You made a big mistake. Huge!
Quote from Toby
Toby: I'd like you to imagine a place where you feel very peaceful. For me, it's the walk from the yogurt shop to my car after I drop my daughter off on Sunday afternoons.
Quote from Kelly
Jim: Wait, wait, wait. That's actually a really good idea Kelly.
Kelly: What did I say?
[aside to camera:]
Kelly: I talk a lot, so I've learned to just tune myself out.
Quote from Michael Scott
[to camera:]
Toby: I think we might be about to maybe really get somewhere.
[also to camera:]
Michael Scott: Yes, I will. I will talk alright. Be careful what you wish for Toby.