‘Counseling’
Season 7, Episode 2 - Aired September 30, 2010
Michael is forced to attend his mandatory counseling session with Toby, who tries to get his boss to open up about his feelings. Meanwhile, the rest of the office helps Dwight get "Pretty Woman"-style revenge on a store which refused to serve him.
Quote from Angela
Dwight K. Schrute: What?
Angela: My place tonight. Wear this.
Dwight K. Schrute: Do you have your card?
Angela: Yes. Don't forget the pipe.
Quote from Michael Scott
Toby: Its really sad that your dog ran away. Why did it keep you from going to the park?
Michael Scott: I was afraid I would find him in the park, playing with another kid.
Toby: Why?
Michael Scott: I guess that's why I thought he ran away in the first place. To find a kid he liked better.
Toby: Dogs don't do that.
Michael Scott: Right. Why would a dog do that? That's silly.
Toby: I don't know.
Michael Scott: When I hear myself say it, it sounds ridiculous. But I've never said it out loud, so...
Toby: It's very important for you to be liked, isn't it?
Michael Scott: Well, lets not get too... This isn't a counseling session... Okay. You son of a gun. Son of a bitch. Wow! Okay. You.
Toby: I'm just trying to help you Michael.
Michael Scott: Bitch. God! You're very helpful aren't you? You try to help everybody. Do you want to play another game?
Toby: I just want to-
Michael Scott: You are good. But you know what? You can't help people. You couldn't help your marriage. You lose. I don't need your help. Nobody needs your help. Nobody wants it! You can't help anybody. I don't need your help! Am I going to make you cry?
Toby: [tossing forms at Michael] Just fill them out any way you want.
Michael Scott: Okay.
Toby: I'll have Erin fax them back to corporate.
Michael Scott: You'll do... Okay. Filled out. Good. Thank you doctor. Take two of these [raising his two middle fingers] and call me in the morning.
Quote from Pam
Pam: There are a lot of one person departments here, so, there's a lot of department heads. But I'm off to a good start. Oh, man! If I could pull this off, it will be scam of all scams. And yet very helpful to everyone.
Quote from Toby
Gabe: So, Corporate got your evaluations, and they want me to check, is that really how you feel about Michael's situation?
Toby: Yes.
Gabe: That is not how he seemed to me.
Toby: I thought he seemed fine.
Gabe: You marked severe in all the categories, including at risk for homicidal behavior.
Toby: Heh.
Quote from Michael Scott
Michael Scott: You forged them! You forged the forms!
Toby: You filled them in and faxed them yourself!
Michael Scott: Yes.
Toby: You remember that.
Michael Scott: Yes, but you had me so worked up that I made a mistake.
Toby: Unless a part of you made that mistake on purpose.
Michael Scott: You don't make a mistake on purpose, Toby! Then it is no longer a mistake. Gabe. He messed it up. He messed up the forms, I bet... [as Gabe] "I mess everything up so I can fix it and keep my job! Bah! Good thing I'm here 'cause I do nothing. I make everybody nervous!" [normal voice] Ah, okay. That's your notebook? Alright. Alright, lets bang this out. Let's do it to it!