Jan: Why is this so hard? That's what she said. Oh, my God, what am I saying?

Jan: I am taking a calculated risk. What's the upside? I overcome my nausea, fall deeply in love, babies, normalcy, no more self-loathing. Downside? I date Michael Scott publicly and collapse in on myself like a dying star.

Michael Scott: A lot of people think that magic camp is just for kids. And that's why so many other people in my class were kids. Self-fulfilling prophecy. It's really for anybody with a dream and a belief in magic, and a little extra time after school.

Jim: Why don't I wanna go? Didn't expect to need a reason. So, let me think here. I don't know any of these people. It's an obligation. I don't like talking paper in my free time. Or in my work time. And did I use the word "pointless"?

Creed: I run a small fake ID company from my car with a laminating machine that I swiped from the sheriff's station.

Jim: Now you stay here and have fun 'cause I'm going to go out back and shoot hoops with David Wallace.
Karen: Okay. Don't mention that you and I are dating 'cause I think he might still have feelings for me.
Jim: Wallace? What the hell? Have you dated, like, every guy here? [Karen smiles at Jim] Wow. Okay. You got me.
Karen: I so got you.
Jim: So none of them?
Karen: Of course not. I mean you're, kind of, like, my first.
Jim: Really?
Karen: Oh, my God, it's so easy it's not even fun.

Michael Scott: Actually, it's polite to arrive early. And smart. Only really good friends show up early. Ergo, de facto, go to a party early, become a really good friend.

Michael Scott: I cannot tell you how I plan to escape other than by using magic. That is the magician's code. Separately on an unrelated note, if you happen to find a small brass key...

Michael Scott: All right, ready. Come on, guys. Early worm gets the worm.
Jim: Another worm, like, are they friends?
Dwight K. Schrute: That's, "Early bird gets the worm."
Michael Scott: Okay.

Michael Scott: Michael, you go to parties all the time. Why is tonight so special? Well, tonight is so special because my boss's boss's boss, the CFO, not his initials, common mistake, is having a little shindig for all the managers in the company. And Jan and I are going as a couple for the first time. So it's kind of our coming out party, really. And that is why tonight is so special.