David: [to Jim] God, I hate these parties. You wanna sneak out back and shoot some hoops? Meet me outside in two minutes.

David: What's- What's with Jan and Michael?
Jim: I don't know. Where to begin.

Michael Scott: Our first fight. If this is about what happened in the bathroom, there was no place to cuddle-
Jan: I feel sick.
Michael Scott: You didn't have any of the potato salad, did you?
Jan: You know, we were good when we were just running around, you know? In secret. It was wrong and it was exciting, and maybe it was a mistake to take it public.
Michael Scott: Well, if that's the way you feel, my lady, then you have hurt me greatly.
Jan: Michael-
Michael Scott: Greatly.

Jan: Please don't cry.
Michael Scott: I'm not going to cry. I feel like it, but I am not going to. Why don't you just take your stupid love contract and tear it up into a million pieces?
Jan: It was never a love contract, Michael. And besides, I have already given a copy to David. It would be just as embarrassing to get it back from him as it was handing it to him-
Michael Scott: I want the house, Jan. I want the picket fence. I want the ketchup fights and the tickling and the giggling.

Roy: Are they gonna call the cops?
Kenny: No. I paid them off.
Roy: Jet ski money?
Kenny: All of it.
Roy: I'm gonna kill Jim Halpert.