Student: What do you say to a customer who wants to leave you for the convenience and savings of a nationwide chain?
Michael Scott: I say, "You will miss our service and I absolutely guarantee you'll come back."
Student: Has anyone ever come back?
Michael Scott: We don't want them back. They're stupid.

Kelly: What are you doing? You better not hurt that little bat.
Creed: Animals can't feel pain.
Kelly: Don't hurt that bat, Creed! It's a living thing with feelings and a family!
Dwight K. Schrute: Flush him towards the door. On my go! Now!
[The bat flies out of the room]
Kelly: Bat! Kill it! Kill it! Kill it!

Student #2: But in the big picture, you have-
Michael Scott: Dunder Mifflin is the big picture! Can't you understand that? No, you can't, you're too young. Ryan has never made a sale. And he started a fire, trying to make a cheesy pita. And everybody thinks he's a tease. Well, you know what? He doesn't know anything and neither do you. So, suck on that!

Meredith: I really want to come out!
Creed: Good night, Mary Beth!

Jim: So, you're cool to just wait here for Animal Control?
Dwight K. Schrute: Animal Control? I've been controlling animals since I was six.
Jim: Cool. Okay. I'm gonna go home and lie down, draw the shades. There's just so much sun in here. Bye, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: Goodbye, Jim. And good luck.

Dwight K. Schrute: Jim is on a path now, an eternal journey, and I wish him well. But I have a destiny in this realm. Specifically, in the kitchen.

[As Pam hugs Michael:]
Pam: Do you have something in your pocket?
Michael Scott: A Chunky. [removing candy bar] Do you want half?
Pam: No, thank you.
Michael Scott: Okay.

Michael Scott: It is a message. It is an inspiration. It is a source of beauty. And without paper, it could not have happened. Unless you had a camera.

Kelly: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Ryan: It's only temporary, okay? Don't get excited.
Kelly: I won't. I won't. I won't. I won't. I won't! I won't! I won't! I won't! I won't! I won't! I won't!

Michael Scott: Oh, hey, Kevin. Nice of you to join us. Where were you?
Kevin: My tire blew out on the way here, Michael. I almost died. I went into this skid-
Michael Scott: Pop quiz.
Kevin: What?
Michael Scott: Why is today a special day?
Kevin: I almost died.