Frankie: [v.o.] I know what you're thinking how did I end up in prison? Well, it all started with my kids not brushing their teeth.

Frankie: Did you guys brush your teeth?
Sue: Yes.
Axl: God.
Brick: We always do.
Frankie: Good. Now chew these, and we'll see how well. I have an oral hygiene practical tomorrow, and I need to be able to spot plaque and teach better brushing techniques.
Brick: I liked it better when you worked at the car lot and brought home doughnuts.
Mike: I liked it when she brought home salary.

Axl: Dad, I'm serious. Cassidy has a later curfew than me. Do you know how embarrassing that is? Be a bro.
Mike: Well, I'll never be your bro, but I'll bump it to 12:30.
Axl: Ha! I was trying for 12:30, so I asked for 1:30. You just got played.
Mike: Well, I would have gone to 1:00. So what's that you kids say again? Booyah?

Frankie: Okay, did you guys finish chewing? 'Cause I have to examine your teeth to see if there's any tiny red spots where you might have missed brushing.
[Axl, Sue and Brick smile at Frankie with completely red teeth]
Mike: I don't have your professional eye, Frankie. Where'd they miss?

Sue: I'm making a list of games to play for my "Sue-weet" 16. And this is what I have so far: charades, celebrity charades, Pictionary, celebrity Pictionary...
Axl: Sue, if you have any prayer of being remotely cool, you gotta play the game the cool kids are playing. Surprised you haven't heard of it yet. It's called smell dad's boot.
Sue: [muffled voice] Aah! Get it off me!
Axl: Oh! Smell it, Sue! Smell it!
Sue: Axl! Oh, gross!
Axl: How long can you last? [Sue coughs] Ha ha! Oh. Mere seconds. Try sticking your head in the hamper to build your stamina and get that time up. [laughs]

Sue: Here's a game, Axl it's called catch dad's boot with your face!
[As Axl ducks from the boot, Brick bats it away with a tennis racket, sending it through the window]
Axl: Oh, nice job, Sue! Look what you did!
Sue: It's not my fault! It's your fault with that stupid game. Besides, Brick is the one who sent it through the window.
Brick: I'm just impressed I hit it.
Sue: Oh, no. Oh, no, this is bad. This is really, really bad. When Mom and Dad come home, they're gonna freak out. And they're already dealing with a broken car windshield. And they don't even know about the hole in my wall.
Axl: Uh, they fixed that a year ago.
Brick: New hole.
Axl: Seriously?

Sue: Okay, okay. Well at least with three of us, they'll have to spread the punishment around. We all did it, and we are all just gonna have to take responsibility.
Axl: Or... none of us did it, and none of us are gonna take responsibility.
Sue: What are you talking about, Axl? We have to. We're the ones who did it.
Axl: Unless we didn't. Unless we were just sitting here, and the Glossners came and threw a rock through the window.
Brick: That's a very Glossner thing to do.

Mike: I'm telling you, Frankie, this thing is magic. I rolled through a stop sign last week right in front of a cop, and he just waved.
Frankie: Don't push it, Mike, seriously. Ask yourself, "what would Jesus do?"
Mike: In this van? Same thing I'm doing: 50 in a 35.

Axl: Sue, focus on the details of the lie, that way, you'll trick your stomach into not barfing.
Sue: All right. Uh, it... It was 7:14, and we heard a sound. No. It was 7:13 and a rock came. No. 7:14, because I had just taken a bite of cheese. Colby. No. Cheddar. And... And...
Axl: Okay. You suck at details. Just make your point, gloss over the rest.

Mike: Okay. Enough's enough, Frankie. I'm going over there.
Axl: What? Don't!
Mike: Why not?
Axl: Because, um, we thought it was the Glossners, but we also heard tires.
Mike: Tires?
Sue: Yes. Screeching away. So it could have been someone else. Like the Maddens, or the house on the other end of the street has that weird cousin that visits from Des Moines. [Axl eats a chip and looks at Sue] And so on and so forth and what have you.
Brick: So there you have it. Could be the Glossners, could be any number of mischievous teens, really. Guess we'll never know for sure. [sucks air] [whispers] I'm-
Axl: Done! With this one. [laughs] Well, it is getting late, and we all have homework to do, right, guys?