Axl: What is that?
Mike: It's from the church van. The gift that keeps on givin'.
Frankie: We like to call it the wheel of pain. See, your Dad and I know that you've all been lying about the window. And since no one has fessed up and received their fair punishment, we're gonna let the wheel decide who gets punished randomly.
Mike: Unless somebody wants to step up and admit anything?
Axl: No.
Brick: No.
Axl: Nothing to admit.

Sue: I can't lose my party. It's my Sweet 16. It's the only birthday that has its own adjective.
Axl: Man, they are really playing hardball. Got to admit, I did not see that one coming. [chuckles] Oh, well.
Sue: "Oh, well"? That's all you have to say? You promised nothing bad would happen if we stuck together, and now the worst possible thing is happening, and it's only happening to me!
Axl: Taking one for the team, Sue... there's no higher honor.
Sue: Screw the team! I am gonna tell them what really happened! It is the only way to get my "Sue-weet 16" back!
Axl: Sue, relax. You're gonna get your party.
Sue: How can you know that?
Axl: 'Cause Mom caves. She's a caver.
Brick: Axl's got a point, Sue. [Frankie listens outside the door] Mom's all threat, no follow-through. She's just a toothless old tiger.

Frankie: [v.o.] So I was stuck sticking to my guns, but as the days passed, Sue wasn't making it any easier.
Sue: Hey, Mom. Uh, are we doing anything for my birthday tomorrow? I mean, I know I'm not having a party, and I get it, but I just wondered if we were, like, having dinner as a family or something? Not that we have to.

Frankie: I figured out how to give Sue back her Sweet 16 without looking like a spineless caver.
Mike: How?
Frankie: You be the spineless caver. Hear me out. If you let her have the party, supposedly against my wishes, then it's not really caving for you, because you didn't make the threat. And that way, we both get what we want.
Mike: And what is that again?
Frankie: To maintain our authority as parents but still let Sue have the party.
Mike: And what's this have to do with the window?
Frankie: Ugh. Keep up, Mike. It stopped being about the window a week ago.

Ruth: I thought the world was going to end on Thursday, so I didn't get you anything. It felt impractical.
Sue: That's okay.
Becky: I got you this coupon for one free beat-up of the person of your choice. You can watch or not. It's your call.
Sue: Thanks so much, Becky. That's so sweet. I'm just gonna go check on the hors d'oeuvres.

Sue: Hey, Mom. I know you and Dad have sort of been at odds about my party. But I am having a really good time, so I hope you guys are over it.
Frankie: Well, we're not. I'm still really mad at him, because this is absolutely the opposite of what I wanted. Okay, everybody! Time for birthday cake!

Axl: Told you she'd cave.
Frankie: I heard that, Axl. [Sue's friends start singing Happy Birthday] And for your information, I did not cave. Your father steamrolled me.
Mike: Yep. That's what I do. I put my foot down and showed her who's boss.
Frankie: Don't mess with me, Mike. I am still pissed. And you know what? I am not talking to you.
Mike: Mm. Sue's birthday, and I got the gift.
All: [sing] Happy Birthday to you
Brad: Make a wish, Sue.
Sue: I wish my parents would stop fighting, and everything would go back to the way it was before I drove a wedge between them. [blows out candle]
Frankie: What? Oh, Sue.

Frankie: [v.o.] I guess Sue was right. Having the sour moments in life really does make the sweet ones sweeter. At least I hope so. 'Cause turns out the only one with any follow-through was Mrs. Armwood. And her wheel of pain landed right on me. [buzzer in distance] Yep. My kids did the crime, and I did the time.
Frankie: [to a prisoner dental patient] Yeah, I probably should have punished 'em, but then it was sort of nice the way they were all sticking up for each other. Uh, wider, please. Yeah, so the next time they try to pull anything, I will definitely follow through. How was your mom about this? Well, obviously not that great with where you are. [laughs] I'm just kidding.