Frankie: [v.o.] Sue was sure Matt was going to ask her out for Valentine's Day, so she played it cool. Well, Sue cool.
Matt: Sue, we've been in love for almost three weeks now, and I was wondering if you were doing anything for Valentine's Day.
Sue: I am not. I am not at all.
Matt: Excellent. I'd like to take you to this great Italian place that I know. I have a meet the next day, so I can't eat, but I'd really enjoy watching my lady eat.
Sue: That sounds great. [they kiss]

Frankie: Axl, I'm sure you have plenty of things to write about if you just think about it. What about the time you helped out at the homeless shelter?
Axl: Shrug.
Mike: How about everything you did to help out Aunt Edie?
Axl: Yawn.

Mike: Oh, and last winter, he tries to hang glide off our roof with a trash bag. Lucky he landed on Darrin, who tried it before him, with kites taped to his arms.
Frankie: The thing about teenage boys. They're just so stupid. I heard someone say that if you have a girl first and then a boy, you'll swear the boy is brain-damaged.
Paula: No, no. Teenage girls are way worse, 'cause they're impressed by the stupid things teenage boys do.
Bill: Thank God.

Woman: Excuse me. Would you like to buy a rose for your sweetheart?
Ron: Uh-oh. Is she here? [all laugh]
Nancy: Very funny.
Ron: Sure. This is fun, isn't it?
Mike: Yeah, good meat.
Paula: [Ron hands his rose to Nancy] Aw.
Bill: I mean, you know, I did some bonehead things when I was young. I mean, we all did, right? [to the rose seller] Oh. I'll take one.
All: Aw.
Mike: I know we all did stuff, but last week, I walk in, he's in his bed, trying to cook bacon with the iron... [to the rose seller] No, we're good. And then he says, uh, I should be thanking him because he's not dirtying a pan. [all laugh]
Bill: So how was the bacon?
Mike: You know what? Not bad.

Mike: I know I said I wanted to stay home tonight, but I'm glad we went. I had a good time.
Frankie: Great. I'm glad. I'm glad you had a good time.
Mike: I really did. Hey, maybe we should try our anniversary with other couples.
Frankie: Yeah, maybe.
Mike: You coming to bed?
Frankie: No. I don't think so. I'm going to do some other things right now besides going to bed.
Mike: Okay. Don't stay up too late. Oh, and hey, happy Valentine's Day.

Sue: Okay, well, thanks for a great V-Day. I gotta go.
Matt: Sue, wait. [goes into kiss Sue]
Sue: You know what? These leftovers will not be good tomorrow, and they are too delicious to waste. Oh. [eats] Mmm. Garlic is the best. Mm. Of course my breath probably reeks.
Matt: I'm a wrestler. I'll fight through it. [Sue has a noodle hanging out of her mouth] You gonna finish that? [Sue sucks up the noodle]

Sue: So... do you and Dad French kiss?
Frankie: What? Oh, well... Not for a while now, and certainly not tonight.

Mike: Come on, Frankie. We don't buy into that crap. We always laugh about how those rose ladies try to guilt you into buying a rose. It's stupid.
Frankie: Well, of course it's stupid.
Mike: Then why'd you wake me up?
Frankie: Because Ron bought Nancy one, Bill bought Paula one, and while they're sitting there twirling their pretty roses, I'm stuck waving around a breadstick like an idiot. It was embarrassing.
Mike: So they're big suckers who cave at the slightest bit of pressure. I'm proud of myself. I stuck to my guns.
Frankie: Oh, yeah, you're a real inspiration. My knight in shining... [blows raspberry]
Mike: You think flowers are a waste of money, too. You said so yourself. The whole thing's a scam.
Frankie: I know it's a scam.
Mike: Well, then why are you so upset?!
Frankie: Because all my friends got a flower, and I didn't!
Mike: What, are you in high school? Are you afraid I don't like you? News flash, Frankie, I like you. I like you like you.

Mike: You know what, Frankie? You want flowers?
Frankie: Fine, I'll get you flowers. I don't want your guilt flowers!
Mike: They're not guilt flowers, 'cause I don't feel guilty. I feel good! I stuck to my guns!

Frankie: It was Valentine's Day, Mike. Valentine's Day. It would have been a romantic gesture. That's all I'm saying.
Mike: Romance? You're the one who had no interest in spending Valentine's with me until you invited your lady friends along. Maybe you should have asked Nancy and Paula to buy you a flower.
Frankie: That is not true! That is so not true.
Axl: It's like this every day I cannot believe you said that. The arguing, the tension, so life-changing.
Frankie: I wanted to do something with you, but you acted all tired and talked me into separate bedrooms with buckets of chicken.
Mike: You-- Hey, you were on board with the buckets just as much as I was!
Frankie: You're not romantic, Mike, okay? You're not. You never have been. [Mike groans] Fine. Whatever.
Mike: See? Right there. That is why I hate Valentine's Day!
Frankie: Yeah, Valentine's Day hates you right back!