Axl: Dudes, it's, like, a totally lame assignment. I mean, we're only juniors. What big, life-changing event could we have even had?
Sean: I know. It sucks. I'm probably just gonna write about the time I got trapped under the ice at Patoka Lake. That counts, right?
Axl: What?

Darrin: I can't decide between the time I helped deliver my baby sister at the carpet store, or the time I was pronounced dead for 2 minutes when I was 6. What do you guys like better?

Sue: Well, I have tons of things that changed my life Wrestlerettes, Justin Bieber's Christmas album, dating Matt... [gasps] That e-mail Grandma forwarded me about that wild pony...

Frankie: [v.o.] Ah, Valentine's Day... The official end of Christmas.
Frankie: You know, we really should start taking the Christmas tree down sooner.
Mike: Look around. We should do a lotta things.
Brick: This whole school business is grueling. I just turned in a book report on Artemis Fowl. Now she's making us write a paper on love. I'm 10. I don't know anything about love.
Frankie: Well, that's what the Internet's for. Just get on it, type in "love," and see what comes up. You know what? Never mind.

Sue: Would you like to buy a Valentine's carnation? The white ones are for your friends. 'Cause Valentine's isn't just about boyfriends. If you don't have a boyfriend, it's perfectly okay. [to Carly] I am so glad we have boyfriends.
Carly: Me, too. So where's Matt taking you for Valentine's Day?
Sue: Well, he hasn't officially said anything yet, but I'm sure he will. We already declared our love for each other, so... Yeah, it's probably on.
Carly: So on.
Sue: Wow. Did you ever think we'd be in high school with boyfriends? I mean, me, a big-time Wrestlerette with a hotshot wrestler boyfriend, and you, in freshman girls' chorus with your hot dog on a stick boyfriend. We are ruling this school!
Carly: Yeah.
Sue: Ooh, carnation...?

Nancy: Well, isn't this a hoot, running into you? What are the odds? We should buy a lottery ticket. [giggles]
Paula: Hey, that's a lot of candy.
Frankie: Ugh. Brick's class. Apparently, it's not enough to just give out cards anymore. Now you gotta tape on little candy hearts and lollipops. I could smack the mom that started that tradition.
Nancy: Uh-oh. It might have been me. [all laugh]

Brick: Sue, I'd prefer not to yell like Mom does, but you're hogging the computer, and I need to research my paper on love, so if I have to, I will go there.
Sue: Let me ask you, if you were a bad kisser, which one would you rather hear from your girlfriend A) "Ew!
No!" B) "Would you like to peruse this pamphlet I found on kissing?" Or C) "How about we take a break from kissing and go get a fro-yo?"
Brick: As much as I love a good pamphlet, I'd go with fro-yo. [whispers] Fro-yo.

Brick: What about books? Is there any book that's had an impact on your life? Oh, what am I saying?
Hey, what about the summer you spent at the lake with grandpa, and you helped him fix his boat?
Axl: Oh, yeah. I remember that. Oh, I got so tan that summer, I was really hot.
Frankie: You got nothin'.
Axl: I know! And Darrin died for 2 minutes when he was 6.
Sue: What? He did?
Frankie: His mother never told me this.
Brick: What happened?
Mike: When was this?
Axl: You guys suck.

Axl: [recording] Oh, no. I think they might be getting a divorce. Nothing changes a young, innocent life more than that.
Frankie: Axl, would you stop filming us?!
Mike: Turn that camera off.
Brick: [o.s.] Axl, do you want me to die or not? 'Cause I'm gonna be late for school.

Paula: So you and Mike doing anything special for Valentine's Day?
Frankie: Nah, we talked about it, but let's face it... It's not like going out with our husbands is that much fun anyway. It's just staring at 'em in a different location. [both laugh] You know, Valentine's would be a lot more fun if you could go out with your friends.
Paula: Well, who says we can't?
Nancy: I just got a coupon in the mail for the Fountain Room.
Paula: That place with the room with the fountain?
Nancy: Mm-hmm. They're having this amazing Valentine's Special. You get an appetizer, choice of meat, soup, salad, endless bread bowl, pie, and coffee, for $9.99.
Frankie: You know what? Let's do it. Let's all go to the fountain room together.
Paula: Without the guys?
Frankie: No, we should probably bring 'em, but this way, we'll have each other to talk to. [all laugh]
[A salesclerk walks by and gives Frankie evils for eating the candy]
Frankie: Relax. We're gonna buy it. He must be new.