Frankie: [v.o.] Seeing that baby in Rita's arms made me realize moments go by so fast. It hadn't been that long since Axl was a baby. That's when I knew I had to make things right with Axl. There was nothing he could say or do that would upset me now.

Rita Glossner: You stay here and watch the bag. I'll get snacks. You got a jerky preference?
Frankie: Okay, look, this is already taking longer than I thought... [Rita closes the car door and walks towards the store]... and I really need to get back to my... Beef!

Brick: Dad, are you walking funny?
Mike: Brick, are you eating funny? Go to school.

Tom: Okay. Well, once everyone has signed their Safe Stair Pledge, I'll have everything I need.
Mike: Thank God.
Dave: Hey, I found footage of Mike's fall from the security camera. It'll show us exactly what happened.
Mike: No! No, it won't. Hey, why don't you shove one of those doughnuts into your chatty mouth, Dave?
Tom: Hold on a second. You fell yesterday, right?
Mike: Yeah.
Tom: Well, then, this number's wrong.
Mike: Yeah, but that wasn't really a w-workplace injury. That was just my own dumb thing.
Jim: No, no, no. If we make it 365 days without an injury, corporate gives us a cupcake party. They send us cupcakes from a fancy bakery in a box with a card that says, "Good job."
Tom: Sorry, guys. Maybe next year.
Dave: And we were so close. They take your picture and put it in the corporate newsletter and everything.
Jim: I was hoping to use that picture for my Farmers Only dating profile.
Chuck: Nice going, Mike.
Dave: Hey, there's more important things in life than a cupcake party. And eventually, we'll think of one.

Axl: Seriously, do you see any bald spots? I think she took out a chunk of my hair. Not cool! She wants everything to be like it was. Well, guess what... I'm not doing that. They insulted something I love.
April: That's so mean. What did they insult?
Axl: Oh, uh... corn dogs. They hate them. Anyway, they can't tell me how to run my life. I'm an adult man now. That tickles.
April: I think I get what you mean. My family hates you.
Axl: What?
April: Yeah, they think I could do a lot better.
Axl: A lot? I mean, you're great... don't get me wrong. And you deserve somebody great, but I thought that somebody was me.
April: They really liked Doug Dixon. He had a pontoon.
Axl: Doug Dixo... See, this is what I mean. Our families think they know what's best for us, but they don't know. We know! Even Grandma Tee-Tee?
April: Oh, especially Grandma Tee-Tee.
Axl: [scoffs] You know what? Who cares what anybody else thinks? We know our love is real. We don't need people telling us how to live our lives.
April: Yeah!
Axl: The important thing is that we have each other.
April: And your family loves me.
Axl: A-A-A-nd we have each other.

Frankie: [yawns] Oh, boy. How long have I been asleep?
Rita Glossner: About three states.
Frankie: What? I only closed my eyes for a second! Okay, that's it, Rita. I demand an answer. Where are you taking me?
Rita Glossner: Already took you. We're in Georgia.

Mike: Listen, my guys work hard all year long and cupcakes are important to them, and rightfully so. Take it from me, they're not easy to make. Those little papers are important. You want to get those at a cupcake store.
Corporate Guy #1: Mike, we appreciate you calling us down here and pleading your case, and your devotion to your employees is admirable, but... cupcake parties have to be earned.
Corporate Guy #2: Exactly. I mean, if we just started handing out cupcake parties Willy-nilly, they'd lose their meaning.
Mike: All right. I didn't want to have to do this, but...
Frankie: [v.o.] So Mike realized if Brick could get through all those embarrassments and be fine, he certainly could get through one.
[The corporate guys laugh after Mike plays them the video of him tripping outside the cabin]
Mike: Yeah... Yeah, I know, it's funny. Okay. If you'll notice, the time stamp says 5:03 p.m. Our work day ends at 5:00, so, technically, the fall happened after we'd already made it to 365 days. I'm not trying to play hardball with you guys. I'm just saying, my men deserve their cupcake party.
Corporate Guy #1: Looks like you're right.
Corporate Guy #2: You obviously care about your guys. Because if you're willing to show that tape... [both laugh again] I'm sorry. Can... Can we watch it again?
Mike: It's not that funny. [they laugh]

Axl: Sue, I need to talk to you right now! I did something stupid! I did something really stupid!
Sue: W-W-What? What is it?
Axl: I married April!

Dave: Safety, safety! One at a time!
Wayne: [loudly] I got a red velvet. I got a red velvet!
Jim: And look, a note... "Good job, guys."
Chuck: You know, we're not just sharing cupcakes right now. We're sharing love. And this man right here's a love-maker. I've never been happier that I left my job driving that school bus to spend my days here in a hole with you people. Thanks, boss man.
All: To Mike!
Jim: Hey, I know. Let's all talk about our favorite Mike moment. Mine is...
Mike: All right, all right. Everybody back to work.