Sue: I'm not sure what Axl's class schedule is, but he's a business major, so let's try Hubbard Hall.
Tyler: On it.
Joel: Excuse me. You're also going by the journalism building to drop me off, right?
Sue: He doesn't look drunk.
Tyler: Oh, during the day, we give rides to injured people.
Joel: [puts up his foot in a cast] This happened when I was drunk.
Sue: Oh. I accidentally one time had a sip of hard lemonade and I twerked, so I understand the dangers of alcohol. I think the thing you want to do is... Axl! Axl, stop! Wait. That's him! That's him! Follow him! Go, go, go, go, go! Floor it! Axl, stop! I just want to talk to you!
Joel: Um, excuse me, journalism class?
Sue: Journalism's dead! Start a blog! Axl! Axl! [jumps out of the buggy] Ax-l-l-l-l-l!

Mike: What the hell's going on?
Dave: Oh, Mike, this is Tom Hanson, our OSHA compliance officer.
Tom: Hello, Mr. Heck. Are you the injured party?
Mike: There is no injured party. I'm not injured.
Dave: What about your ankle?
Mike: It's nothing. As I told my soon-to-be-former employee, my foot just landed wrong. It stretched in the back.
Tom: Ah, yes. Yeah, we call that one the "high heel" injury.
Mike: Uh, no, I think it's an old football injury. And just to be clear, I was wearing work boots.

Tom: [over bullhorn] Attention, Team B. Please report to the administrative trailer.
Mike: Look, this was just a dumb thing. It's not a big deal. We just have to stop talking about it.
Tom: With all due respect, you should never stop talking about safety. Hello, everyone. Due to Mr. Heck's recent incident, we're gonna take time right now to do a safe-stair drill.
Man: Aw, come on!
Chuck: He can do that?
Tom: Mr. Heck, could you come here? You're gonna help me demonstrate. [Mike sighs] The most important thing to remember... always use the handrails. Now, for your first step, you're gonna want to use your dominant foot. And do not... I repeat, do not ever skip a step. Okay, Mr. Heck, let's see you go up those stairs. Whoa, whoa! Slow down. Nothing is ever so urgent that you can't take the time to be safe. [Mike sighs] Now let's see you do it the correct way coming down. Good. Very good. And you used the handrail for the descent, also. I like that.
Mike: Done here?
Tom: Nope. Not till everyone takes a turn. Let's line it up, boys. Hey, hey, hey, hot-dogger! Whole foot on the step.
Chuck: [jumps to the top step] Oh! You can't tell the Chuck what to do, government man! [laughs] Fight the power! Unh!

Axl: Get off me! Help!
Sue: Axl, you listen to me! This conversation is happening, whether it happens now or it happens later!
Axl: I pick later! Now leave me alone!
Sue: I didn't want to have to do this. [grabs Axl's hair]
Axl: Ow! Ow! Ow! Not the hair! Not the hair! That's my ticket to YouTube stardom! Come on! Okay, okay. I'm listening. I'm listening.

Sue: Okay, look, Axl, I know Mom said some stuff about April she shouldn't have, but our family is not so great that we can just afford to be losing members left and right. Thanksgiving sucked, so please just promise me you'll come home for Christmas.
Axl: I can't make that promise.
Sue: But you have to! We can't have our family traditions without you. When we sing Christmas carols, you're the one who tries to climb out the window and ditch us. When I bake gingerbread men, you're the one who bites all the heads off. So, what, are the Christmas villagers just not gonna hump each other this year? If you're not there, Christmas is just gonna go smoothly. And that may be some other family's Christmas, but it sure isn't ours.
Axl: Well, you're gonna have to find someone else to put boobs on the snowman, 'cause I can't be with people who hate my girlfriend.
Sue: Okay, to be fair, Axl, we have been nothing but nice to her face. Maybe we just need to get to know her better, have a do-over.
Axl: Sue, I'm 22. Maybe I just don't need the family as much as you do. Maybe I just need a break from you guys.
Sue: I don't think you're allowed to do that!

Frankie: [v.o.] You know, maybe Rita was okay. Maybe we weren't so different after all. She might even be a little... fun. What was I worried about?
Rita Glossner: [ankle tag beeps] Aw, damn it. I'm out of range. [saws through ankle tag]
Frankie: Um, I-I-I don't think you're supposed to be doing that.
Rita Glossner: Oh, please. It happens all the time. If I didn't take this thing off, I'd never go anywhere. [laughs] [throws it out the window] Good luck findin' that one, Barney Fife! [laughs]

Brick: Where's Mom?
Mike: I don't know. She sent a text about running some errand with Rita Glossner. You know anything about baking cupcakes?
Brick: I know Mom uses a box.
Mike: Yeah, I got that. But where are the measuring cups and mixing bowl?
Brick: Measuring cups are in the junk drawer, and the mixing bowl is holding our mail.
Mike: Aha!
Brick: Oh, and I think you're supposed to have those little pink and green papers that go around them.
Mike: What do you mean, "Go around them"?
Brick: You know, when you finish the cupcake, you eat the paper?
Mike: Eh. Do we really need those?
Brick: I don't know. If they don't have the paper, they might be muffins. But if you need it, I've got some leftover graph paper.
Mike: Okay. Paper's paper.

Brick: Why are you making cupcakes, anyway?
Mike: Well, the guys at work were supposed to have a cupcake party for going 365 days without a work-related injury, but then somebody fell.
Brick: Was it funny?
Mike: No. It wasn't funny at all.
Brick: Ah. It was you, wasn't it?
Mike: Yes, fine. I fell at work. Congratulations. You cracked the case. You happy?
Brick: That explains the cupcakes. You hit your head. Now you're having a behavior change. Follow my finger.

Rita Glossner: You stay here and watch the bag. I'll get snacks. You got a jerky preference?
Frankie: Okay, look, this is already taking longer than I thought... [Rita closes the car door and walks towards the store]... and I really need to get back to my... Beef!

Frankie: Officers? Excuse me, hi. Sorry to bother you. Can I ask you a quick question?
Police Officer #1: Yes, ma'am.
Frankie: So, you probably get this a lot, but... "accomplice." What does that really mean? Is it like when you're planning something with someone or more along for the ride, so to speak?
Police Officer #2: Is something the matter?
Frankie: N-No. No, no, no. It's just something I was wondering about, you know? Just saw you here and thought, "Hey, why not ask the experts?" Oh! Here's another one... aiding and abetting. Is that the same thing or different? Can you aid without abetting? And can someone force you to aid and abet?
Police Officer #2: Are you in some sort of trouble?
Frankie: Uh, no, I... I don't think so.
Police Officer #1: Because if you'd be more comfortable talking at the station, we could...
Frankie: [laughs] No, no, no, no. Gosh, no. These are just some of the things I think about. You know, some people scrapbook. I think about criminal intent and jurisprudence, so... Oh, hey, there's my friend, Rita Glossner, who lives at 418 Birchwood Avenue in Orson. Just in case. [chuckles] Bye!