‘The Test’
Season 3, Episode 5 - Aired October 12, 2011
Frankie pushes Axl to think about his feature when she finds out the PSATs in a few days and he hasn't studied. Meanwhile, Mike wants Brick to stand up for himself, and Sue tries out for cheerleading.
Quote from Mike
Sue: Here, you have it.
Mike: No. Don't give it to him. Here. Brick, you take it from her.
Brick: Why don't we just share it?
Mike: No. No sharing.
Frankie: Good lesson, Mike.
Mike: Shush. I'm doin' something here, okay?
Frankie: [v.o.] And Mike continued "doin' something" every chance he got.
[When Mike sits down on the couch and changes the channel, Brick picks up his book]
Mike: Come on, Brick. Don't let me change the channel. Why is my sports show more important than your... Weird blimp show?
Quote from Axl
Frankie: Well... how'd the test go?
Axl: I blew it, Mom. I totally blew it. I'm so sorry! I kept hearing what you said about how important it was, and then my brain just vapor-locked, and I totally munched it and got everything wrong! And also, I threw up on my shirt, but I didn't even clean it, 'cause I was like, "What's the point? You're just gonna end up a huge loser, 'cause you screwed up the most important test of your life!"
Frankie: No, no, no. Honey, it's not that important. You're gonna get into college.
Axl: Nuh-Unh! I had one chance, and I screwed it up! Might as well buy a shovel and start picking up dead animals right now. Ugh!
Frankie: Please, it's just a stupid practice test. You're gonna do better when you take the real SATs.
Axl: That wasn't even the real one? What kind of sick mind games are you playing with me?
Frankie: Oh, okay. Axl, Axl, look at me. Your whole world is not gonna fall apart because you didn't do well on one test. You're gonna be fine. Just out of curiosity, do you happen to know how Sean did on his test?
Quote from Mike
Frankie: Well, that was the school. Brick's in the principal's office, and they want us to come down for a meeting.
Mike: What'd he do?
Frankie: I don't know, but she said she just wants to talk to us.
Mike: Well, if Brick aimed too high on something, I think we know who to blame.
Quote from Brick
Principal Larimer: Now I'm sure you're aware of the situation, and I wanted you to know that there has been a suspension.
Frankie: [gasps] Brick!
Principal Larimer: Oh, no, not Brick. The other boy.
Frankie: Oh, good. Wait. What other boy?
Principal Larimer: The bully.
Frankie: There's a bully?
Mike: You're getting bullied?
Brick: Yep.
Principal Larimer: Well, I think you'll both be happy to know that through all of the bullying, Brick never fought back.
Frankie: Thank God.
Mike: Mmh.
Quote from Mike
Mike: I don't know. I think Brick needs to learn to toughen up. Lot of trash cans in the world, and not all of 'em are gonna have a half a banana in 'em. We got to teach him to stand up for himself.
Frankie: Okay, now you're just looking for work. Besides, if we're gonna worry about anybody's future, it should be Axl's.
Mike: [scoffs] I'm not worried. Sean Donahue's gonna be successful. He'll give him a job someday.
Quote from Sue
Sue: Sorry to interrupt. Just want to make sure the phones are working. [picks up the phone] Oh, no. What if they tried to call while I was listening to the dial tone? What if, in that split second, I missed their call?
Frankie: I think you're okay.
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: Look, Axl, your dad and I can nag you forever, but do you think Christopher Columbus' parents nagged him into discovering America? No. He got on the Nina and the Pinta and... The other one... Why can't I remember that? Because he wanted to. And he made things happen for himself, and you can, too. You can. You have the ability, but you gotta really want it.
[Axl takes the bag of chips and the practice book with him]
Quote from Sue
Sue: Knock, knock! Is there a phone in here? I'm collecting all the phones, 'cause I want to make sure no one is on the line for when the cheerleaders call.
Brick: Axl had it on his bed.
Mike: But what if they don't walk away, huh? You gotta learn how to be tough, and I can help you out with that.
Brick: Thanks for the offer, but you really don't have to help me.
Sue: Are you sure it's over here?
Mike: No, I do, Brick. As a dad, it's my job to give my kids confidence and let 'em know what they're capable of.
Sue: The cheerleaders could call any minute.
Mike: For the love of God, Sue, it's a million-to-one shot. Just use the kitchen phone.
Sue: Found it!
Quote from Sue
Sue: Sue Heck reporting for first practice. Oh, are those new uniforms?
Debbie: About that... Sue, there was a horrible, horrible mix-up, and we are so sorry.
Courtney: So, so sorry.
Debbie: See, our cheerleading advisor has been distracted. She found a lump on her cat... or her dad. I don't remember. Anyway, she accidentally called you by mistake, and we are so sorry, but you really didn't make the team.
Courtney: So, so, so sorry. But of course, now that you get that there was a mix-up, you understand you're going to have to step down.
Sue: No.
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: Do I smell barf-y to you?
Mike: If you don't want to have sex tonight, just say it.
Frankie: No, no, it's just that I hugged Axl before, and he had on a barfy t-shirt from his PSATs. You know... I don't know, Mike. I just feel like, with Axl, if I don't push him, nothing gets done and he fails. But if I do push him, he freaks out and fails. What are we supposed to do?
Mike: I don't know. Maybe we should just write him off and let him be a cautionary tale for the other two.
Frankie: No, I'm serious, Mike. Santa Maria!