Frankie: Hey, Brick. Grandma's gonna be staying with us for a while, and the good news is she didn't have a stroke. The doctors are still trying to figure out what went wrong.
Brick: Hm. Did she bring fudge?
Pat: [gasps] Oh...
Frankie: Brick!
Brick: What? You said she didn't have a stroke.
Frankie: She was in the hospital. When would she have made fudge?
Brick: I don't know how grandmas work. All I know is that when I see her, there's usually fudge.
Pat: Oh, I can whip up a batch of fudge lickety-split.
Frankie: No, no, no. You are not whipping up anything.
Pat: Oh.
Frankie: Brick can survive without fudge.
Brick: So, that's a firm...
Frankie: No fudge!

Frankie: [on the phone] Yeah, oh, hi. Hello. Um, yeah, I-I need to cancel a service call. I'm calling for my mom, Pat Spence.
Pat: Oh, this is not like me. You tell them this is not like me!
Frankie: My mom says it's not like her. Uh, I'm sorry, yes. Can you repeat that? Yeah. Friday between 8:00 and 11:00 would be great.
Pat: I'm not gonna pay the $6 cancellation fee.
Frankie: They said they would waive the fee. [quietly on the phone] I'll pay the fee.
Pat: Just keep the appointment... [Frankie sighs] and explain to them that I would've called sooner, but your father changed phone companies again, and then I forgot.
Frankie: I am so sorry. Mom, he doesn't need to know that.
Pat: Okay. [takes the phone] Hello, this is Pat Spence. Yes, let me explain about the stove. Uh, I'm staying at my daughter's house because they think I have vertigo. They have to take more tests. We bought the house in 1985 just after our girls graduated.
Frankie: Mom, he doesn't need to know...
Pat: Sweetie, I am on the phone. No butter? Anyway, uh, it was originally painted avocado green which, by the way, I don't think they even make that color appliance anymore.

Frankie: I'm horrible, Mike. I am the worst daughter on Earth. I just yelled at my sick mother. But she took all my stuff out of the cabinet, and I won't be able to find my green beans. [voice breaks] I don't want my mom to get old!
Mike: Hey, it's okay. Hang in there.
Frankie: But is this it? Is this how my mom is gonna be now? [normal voice] Everything changes, and this is how it's gonna be from here on out? I thought I had years before this.
Mike: Hey, every day might not be good, but there's something good in every day.
Frankie: I guess. I just want another chance... another chance to go back and not yell at my mom.
Mike: You never run out of chances till you stop taking them.
Frankie: Okay, why are you talking weird? I... No offense, but you're starting to sound kind of like Sue's wall.
Mike: Hm. I guess I do. Maybe those inspirational posters are seeping in.
Frankie: I'm just scared, Mike. I'm scared about taking care of my mom. I can barely keep things together as it is. I mean, I don't know if I'm a good caregiver. I'm not patient enough. The whole time I'm doing it, I keep thinking, "I just want to watch The Bachelor."
Mike: Well, don't beat yourself up. You're doing a heck of a lot better than our kids are gonna do with us.
Frankie: That's true.

Frankie: Okay, Mom, I know! Our generation just sucks, because we cancel appointments, and we don't organize our cans, and we're loosey-goosey with money, but before you criticize me, why don't you take a look at yourself 'cause paper towels aren't better than washcloths and round saltines aren't better than square. 7%... not a good tip. And your stories start way too early. If somebody asks you a question, they don't want you to start at your birth! [Pat cries]
Mike: Good thing your dad didn't come down. He might've yelled at her.

Sue: So, we talk about how much time and effort it takes to really get to know someone, and then he says, "This might sound crazy, but maybe you and I should..." But he pauses, so I say...
Brad: Oh, don't tell me! I never want this story to end. Okay, tell me!
Sue: I say... "set each other up on a date?"
Brad: Shut... up.
Sue: Ugh! I know! I don't know what I was doing, Brad. I goofed my chance is what I did. I had an opportunity to go for it, and it's gone forever! [sighs]
Brad: Sue, look at me. Now look away. Now look at me again. You need to pull yourself up by your boot straps and, in the word of Swedish supergroup ABBA, "Take a chance. Take a chance. Take a... Take a chance... chance"!

Brick: Well, I know the word "quarry" is derived from the old French "quarriere" which translated to Latin means "place where stone is squared."
Axl: Okay. So, we've established you'll never see a girl naked.
Brick: Mm. How's that college degree? Did you get it from the University of Moving Back In With Your Parents?
Axl: Mean is not funny, Brick.
Axl: Look, all I know is a guy who does something with rocks is making us sleep out here. I need sleep, dude. I'm a bus driver.
Brick: I need sleep, too. I got to do well in school so I don't end up as a bus driver or a guy who does stuff with rocks.
Axl: [grumbles] What does Dad do?

Frankie: Okay, there's your... pillow...
Pat: Oh. Yep.
Frankie: ...and blanket.
Pat: Thanks.
Frankie: And I got you those People magazines.
Pat: [chuckles] Good.
Frankie: [sighs] Mike, give my mom the remote.
Mike: Yeah, sure. Here you go. Watch whatever you want. The game's coming on.
Pat: Well, I like those tiny-house shows. You know the ones where they take a house like this but make it up nice.

Mike: So, how's this gonna work? You want me to drive up and get your dad?
Frankie: Uh... that would be a big "no." If my dad comes, they'll just get on each other's nerves. He'll get frustrated because she can't make his lunch, and he'll end up yelling at her. Not to mention the fact that he just bought a new, coiled garden hose, so we will never hear the end of that.
Mike: So, where are we gonna put her?
Frankie: "Where are we gonna put her?" She's not a puppy, Mike. She's my mom. And we're gonna put her in our room.
Mike: Fine. Where are you putting me?
Frankie: You can sleep in Sue's bed.
Mike: I don't want to sleep in a little girl's bed. My feet will hang over.
Frankie: It's a standard human bed, so if your feet hang over, that's on you.

Sean: So, then my attending says, "Donahue, it's a cadaver. You can dispense with the pleasantries." [Sue laughs] I'm sorry. I'm a polite guy. I was taught to introduce myself. And here I am bragging about how polite I am, and I'm talking about cadavers while we eat.
Sue: Oh, please. I sit next to Axl at the dinner table. I can eat through anything. [both laugh]

Frankie: Okay, so, they think it's benign positional vertigo.
Pat: Wait, slow down. It's like when I saw Hamilton at Fort Wayne... didn't catch a single word.
Frankie: Oh, I'm sorry. So, they think it's benign... positional...
Pat: Well, you don't have to talk that slow. I understand English. [Frankie sighs] Oh, I'm sorry, honey. Oh, all these darn pills are making me a little crabby.
Frankie: It's totally fine, Mom. Basically, the doctors think it's vertigo, but they want to run some tests to rule other stuff out, so they want to see you again on Friday.
Pat: Oh, no, that won't work. I'm going home tomorrow.
Frankie: What, Mom? No. You're not going anywhere. The doctor said these tests are very important.
Pat: Oh, they don't know.
Frankie: Actually, Mom, they do know.