Axl: You know, these heat-n-serve scones are actually pretty good. I'm gonna microwave up some more. Anybody want another?
Mike: Sure. [looks at card] Okay, this guy getting out of the car is the, uh, Earl of Wessex. Yeah, he's the youngest son of the Queen. And a keen sports fan.
Frankie: Oh, well done.
Mike: Mm-hmm. Yes, I think I've earned myself a celebratory ale from Yon Frugal Hoosier. It's okay 'cause it's afternoon there.

[family group text chain:]
Frankie: Hi family. Starting new text group to deal with bathroom sitch.
Frankie: Problem in kid bathroom. Can't do #2.
Frankie: #2 in master bathroom only!!!
Axl: Sue, what did U do?
Sue: It wasn't me!
Brick: Too late. #2 in progress in kid bathroom. What do I do??
Mike: Take me off the group text.
Sue: Loving new fam squad group text. BTW, officially renaming group text Fam Squad.
Brick: Do I flush or not?
Axl: FLush
Sue: Flush!
Frankie: Flush! !

Axl: Hey.
Mike: Hey. How do I get off of this thing?
Axl: Oh, I told you we should've broken with those people years ago.

Axl: So, I'm on my way to an appointment this morning. And I get this call from Denver.
Mike: Denver? Who do you know in Denver?
Axl: Well, it's this guy, Will Harris. We overlapped for a few weeks at Jackson Plumbing, and how he's over at Hinterland Sports. You ever heard of 'em?
Mike: Camping gear we can't afford?
Axl: Right, so it's kind of crazy, but he says there's an opening in his department and he wants to know if I want to interview for it. Guess he thought I had sales chops.
Mike: Wow, that's flattering. Is that something you might actually want to do?
Axl: I don't know. Seems kind of cool and it's a national company, so you can move up and stuff. But I don't know. They just want me to come out, talk to 'em, and check it out.
Mike: Well, maybe you should.

Axl: Yeah, yeah, I mean, I've got a day off owed to me, so I was thinking I could drive out, interview, and come back the next day. So, uh, what should I do? [clicks tongue] You think it's a good idea?
Mike: I do think it's a good idea. I'll tell you what's a bad idea, though...
Axl: Hm?
Mike: ...telling your mother.
Axl: Why?
Mike: You know how your mom is. If she thinks there's even a chance of you moving away, she'll get all worried and freak herself out.
Axl: So what do I tell her?
Mike: [sighs] It's a quick trip. You're in and out so much she probably won't even notice you're gone. If she does, I'll cover for ya.

Sue: Oh, by the way, I'm really only asking for planning purposes, are we doing anything Sunday for Mother's Day?
Sue: This Sunday?! Oh, my God. Oh, my God, I am the worst daughter ever! [gasps] Gotcha. Bah-bam! Like, I'm ever gonna forget Mother's Day!
[text chain:]
Sue: OMG! We forgot Mother's Day. Anyone get anything yet?
Brick: Ooops.
Axl: ["Uh-oh" GIF].
Mike: Take me off the group text.
Sue: U guys have 2 do something. I'm always in charge of Mother's Day and I h8 it.
Axl: Duh. We all h8 it.
Frankie: I'm on this text.
Sue: [repeated kissing emoji]

Frankie: Why do you have your briefcase?
Axl: Oh, I'm going to work.
Frankie: Oh. What do you need a duffel bag for at work?
Axl: Did I say work? [chuckles] I meant work out. Yeah, now's the best time to go 'cause I can get on any equipment I want.
Frankie: Hmm.
Axl: So, anyway, I'm gonna be in and out, probably more out than in, so I'll see you when I see you.

Frankie: Uh, well, if we're doling out personal advice, you could answer your daughter's text.
[Mike replies to the otter GIF with the word "Cute"]
Mike: [whispers] Get me off this thing.

Mike the Trivia Host: Okay, right now, we have a three-way tie between Figgy Puddings, Colts Rule, and Heck Yeah! All right, this is it... final question. "What 1932 Marx Brothers movie is also a slang term for 'nonsense'?" [Sue hits the buzzer]
Brick: Why'd you do that?!
Sue: 'Cause you always know the answer and you're slow on the buzzer.
Brick: Well, I might not know this one. Um, Malarkey? Claptrap? Poppycock?
Mike the Trivia Host: 10 seconds...
Brick: Horse Feathers?
Mike the Trivia Host: Correct! Heck Yeah wins!

Frankie: [v.o.] Even against fiercer competition in the finals, with knowledge and a pretty good Shirley Temple buzz, Brick was on fire.
Brick: The Yalta Conference.
Brick: Afternoon Delight.
Brick: Moms Mabley.
Brick: The Green Bay Packers.
Brick: "Ring around the collar."
Mike the Trivia Host: Correct! 10 point for Heck Yeah!