Brick: Oh, wow. It's my old math buddy. Mom said I left you out in the rain.
Automated Voice: 8 times 8 is...
Axl: 72!
Automated Voice: 64.
Axl: Oh, no wonder it's down here. It's broken.

Sue: Guess what.
Mike: Sue, we do a lot of guessing in this house. Why don't you just tell us?
Sue: I was chosen to write the senior play! Ha ha!
Frankie: Oh.
Sue: Well, actually, Brad was chosen, and then he tapped me, but it's a huge deal. I mean, like, parents come, it's at nighttime, there's beverages.
Frankie: Sue, that's great.
Mike: Your mom will go.
Sue: And Brad and I decided we do not just want to do the usual follies, you know, like where football players dress up like girls and everyone loves it. No, no, no, no, no. We want to tackle the real issues teens are dealing with, the ones that are living in the shadows, like, uh, low self-esteem or bulimia. I don't know. We're still working it out. But with my new A.C.T. scores and this groundbreaking play on my résumé, there is no limit to where I can go to college. Maybe even international. Like [British accent] Oxford or [French accent] The Sorbonne. [chuckles] [giggles]

Brad and Sue: Energy, energy, energy. Focus.
Brad: Did you talk to the new girl?
Sue: No, I'm not talking to the new girl. Should we talk to the new girl?
Brad: If we talk to the new girl, then we're the only people who've talked to the new girl.
Sue: Yeah. You're right. Let's not talk to the new girl.
Brad: [gasps] Freeze. That's what we said. Here's what we should have said. [both imitate tape rewinding]
Sue: Hey, look... there's the new girl.
Brad: Let's talk to her at lunch and welcome her to our school. Neutral space. Now we're in the new girl's mind. [both whooshing]
Sue: [breathes deeply] Why won't they talk to me? I'm crying out for help. Why did we move here? I was so happy in Dallas.
Brad: Dallas, Dallas, Dallas, Dallas, Dallas, Dallas.
Sue: Dallas, Dallas, Dallas, Dallas, Dallas.

Frankie: [on the phone] So, as a Platinum Member, you earned double miles and you're eligible for a day pass to our executive club. Thank you and enjoy your trip. [toilet flushes]

Mike: I'm calling it. The dream is dead. You want to tell Sue over nachos or a ice-cream-sundae tower?
Frankie: We're not telling her anything right now, but if we do, definitely the ice-cream tower.
Mike: What are we waiting for, Frankie? We accidentally got free premium channels for a month. We've had our miracle.
Frankie: It's her senior year, Mike. You really want to ruin her senior year? I mean, I can pick up a couple more hours, maybe get a third job.
Mike: Yeah, right. And who knows? I'm so tired, maybe I'll fall in a hole at the quarry, and we'll all hit the jackpot.

Sue: [gasps] Oh, my God. I am so nervous. I am the director, producer, star, and I designed the programs. This is what Ryan Seacrest must feel like every day. Okay, come on, come on. I can't be late.

Frankie: [on the phone] Yeah, I know. I know I'm not there. But I am doing my best.
Mike: Well, Sue's asking for you.
Frankie: Look, I'm trying, but the storm grounded like a million flights.
Mike: Well, you've already missed half the play. At least, I hope it's half.
Frankie: I understand your frustration, and I assure you I am doing all I can to resolve this to your satisfaction.
Mike: Hey! Don't Econo Blue me. All right. Got to go.

Sue: Where were you? You promised you'd be there, and you missed it. You missed my senior play, and it'll never happen again, and it was a huge success. Tell her, Dad.
Mike: Yep. I think the third ending was my favorite.
Brick: I liked the puppets. I was shocked at how many meds Bipolar Bear had to take to get through the day.

Frankie: Sue, I am so, so sorry.
Sue: You said you'd come before the curtain came up, and you didn't. You know, even Axl came, and he didn't have to. He was just being nice.
Frankie: Look, I tried, Sue. I really did. But I just started this job, and I can't get fired, okay?
Sue: Why did you even take this job, anyway?! You're already so busy!
Frankie: Well, it's not like I wanted...
Sue: Oh! You're missing my whole senior year! You're just missing everything.
Frankie: You want to know why, Sue? Do you want to know why? Because I don't know how we're gonna pay for your college, all right? I mean, I am trying really hard here to embrace the possible, but you know what?
It's just getting harder and harder because you want to go to all these great and awesome places, and we want to send you there, but to tell you the truth, I just don't know how it's gonna happen. I just don't know at all. [sighs]
Mike: I wanted to tell you at Chili's.
Sue: Look, I know. I know we can't afford any of those schools. I was just talking and dreaming and stuff, for fun. But I would never want to do anything that would make you guys have to work harder. You guys work so hard already. But I love you, and honestly, honestly, honestly, please don't kill yourself for me. Whatever happens, I am gonna be fine.

Sue: Anyway, thank God I took the A.C.T.s a second time because I just heard from Ms. Marsh, the Guidance Counselor, that my scores went through the roof! She actually used the phrase "through the roof"!
Mike: Oh, way to go, Sue.
Frankie: Oh, that's great.
Axl: Snore.
Sue: You know what this means, right? This opens up a whole new list of possibilities of where I can go to college. [gasps] We're talking Denison, Michigan, Wheaton, Oberlin. Yep, my future is wide-open. [shrieks]