Axl: Mom. Help me! You can't let him do this! They're cousin socks! They're all stretched out. That's why they won't stay on my feet. This is all your fault! If you'd ever bought me decent socks, this wouldn't happen! Please, Mom, I love you. I love you so much.
Frankie: Sorry, pal. I support your father.
[cut to Frank confronting Mike in the bedroom:]
Frankie: Are you nuts? The last game of the season? Over socks?

Frankie: All right, let's just think a second. I mean, maybe we can find some way out of it.
Mike: You heard me. I was pretty tough out there. If I go back now, my word means nothing.
Frankie: I guess that's true.
Mike: Oh, man. His final game. He's gonna miss his final game.
Frankie: Well, sometimes lessons are painful, but you got to learn 'em.
Mike: [sighs] Yep. We won't do this again.

Axl: [groans] God, this is lame. How many socks do I have to leave around the house before you won't let me come to this?
Mike: Enough, Axl. You did what you did, you got what you got, and I'm not losing a minute of sleep over it.

Coach Emerson: Okay. It's time to honor our 2010 cross-country squad. Now our first trophy of the night goes to our MVP... Sally Hays.
Frankie: I thought Sue was supposed to be MVP.
Coach Emerson: MVP Spirit. Our next award goes to Perrin Chernow, MVP Attitude.
Mike: What the hell is happening?
Frankie: Wait. I think Sue's next.
Coach Emerson: And our award for Sue Heck, MVP Punctuality. Rachel Miller...

Mike: See, this is what I'm talking about. When I went here in '83, they gave a plaque to one person for shooting free throws. No one had ever made 106 free throws in one season before, so it meant something.
Axl: Wait. 106 free throws? That's your number?
Mike: Yep. 106.
Axl: I'm at 101.
Mike: No. I thought you had 80-something.
Axl: No, Dad. You weren't there, but I picked up 12 in the game against Zionsville. Oh... my... God. That explains everything! Now it all makes sense!
Frankie: What?
Mike: What are you talking about?
Axl: That's why you won't let me play in the game on Saturday. You're scared I'm gonna beat your record!

Mike: Don't you think I want to see my own son beat my record? That's the kind of thing a dad dreams of.
Frankie: I hate to say it, but this whole thing never would have happened if you hadn't given him such a crazy punishment.
Mike: Just curious. How much do you have to hate to say something before you actually don't say it?
Frankie: You know, I was thinking... Maybe there's some other solution. I mean, we didn't know about the record. That's new information.
Mike: You want me to cave, Frankie? Is that what you want me to do?
Frankie: No. Definitely not. We can't cave. But I was just, you know, wondering... What if, while you were definitely not caving, Axl came to you? What if he offered you a gesture of remorse?
Mike: Well, if he came to me...
Frankie: We're the kind of people that believe in second chances, aren't we?
Frankie: [v.o.] I could tell Mike liked my idea, because he was beginning to think he came up with it.
Mike: You know, if he came to me with a gesture of remorse, that would be different. I mean, then I wouldn't have to cave.

Frankie: [v.o.] Meanwhile, Sue's life had never been better. Mike's theory that you could only appreciate a trophy if you earned it went right out the window with Sue.
[Sue rides her bicycle with the trophy displayed prominently in the basket:]
Sue: Oh, this? It's for cross-country. "Most Punctual." [giggles] Oh! Hi again! Same trophy.
[As Sue goes to the mailbox with her trophy, she places it down while she grabs the mail. A large dog comes and grabs the trophy in its mouth before running off]
Sue: What are you doing? Stop! You're not gonna outrun me! I'm on cross-country! [pants] Wow. Dogs are fast.

Frankie: [v.o.] The day of the last game finally arrived, and Mike and I couldn't have felt any worse...
Axl: We should get going. Should stop by the locker room. At least wish the guys luck.
Frankie: [v.o.] Until he said that.
Axl: I got to get my jacket.
Frankie: Do we really have to be good parents? Seriously, Mike. What if we didn't stick to our guns? Who would know? Axl wouldn't tell. We can teach him other kinds of lessons.
Mike: Frankie, do you really think that's the thing to do?
Frankie: [sighs] No. I'll be in the car.

Derrick Glossner: What?
Sue: Hi. I don't like to accuse people of things, but you have my trophy, my Eiffel tower, and my brother in your garage, and if you don't let him out, that's kidnapping, and I'll call the police.
Wade Glossner: Well, how'd he get in our garage?
Derrick Glossner: Yeah. That's trespassing. Maybe we'll call the police.
Sue: Oh.
Derrick Glossner: Tell you what. I'll let you have all three back for a kiss.
Sue: Oh, God! Okay. [Sue closes her eyes]
Derrick Glossner: I didn't tell you what you had to kiss.
Sue: Ew!
Derrick Glossner: Then it'll cost you $20.

Frankie: [v.o.] The only thing harder than taking your kid out of a basketball game, is having to go to that basketball game after you've done it.
Frankie: [to other parents] It was a parenting issue! [to Mike] Can't I just wait in the car?