Jack: You're not playing on Saturday?
Axl: No! He won't let me!
Nancy: Frankie, Mike's not letting Axl play? But it's the last game of the season.
Axl: Tell her, Mom. Tell her the story. Tell her how Dad's scared I'm gonna beat his record.
Mike: Look, it's a parenting issue. It's about respect.
Sally: He won't respect you if he breaks your record?
Axl: Exactly!
Mike: It's about his attitude, and... You know what? I don't have to explain anything to anyone. Where's Sue? Let's get outta here.
Axl: See? This is what it's like in my family. I just can't please my father. Won't anyone adopt me? Basketball is my only ticket out of this hellhole!

Mike: You see the looks they were giving me? The accusing eyes? Like I knew Axl might beat my record.
Frankie: It's horrible. It's just so horrible. What's wrong with people? You didn't know, did you?
Mike: 'Course not! How could you even think that?
Frankie: Well...
Frankie: [v.o.] Here's how I could think that.
[flashback to Mike towering over four-year-old Axl as they play basketball:]
Mike: Come on, Axl. Take your shot. [swipes the ball away as Axl tries to throw it]
[flashback to Mike holding the basketball up in the air as eight-year-old Axl tries to grab it:]
Mike: Almost. Almost. Come on.
[flashback to twelve-year-old Axl trying to get the ball from Mike:]
Mike: Stay on me. Stay on me. Stay on me. [pushes Axl to the ground] Uh-oh. Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Frankie: [v.o.] So Mike put his plan to work. All he needed was for Axl, on his own, to give him a reason to put him back in the game.
Mike: Boy, I'm not looking forward to cleaning those gutters. Every year, about this time, your mom gets on me to do it. Would really show some character if someone offered to help. Might make a person change his mind about a person.
Axl: Why would I change my mind about you, Dad? You ruined my life!

Frankie: [v.o.] Since teenagers aren't always so great at grasping subtlety, Mike decided to dumb it down for him.
Mike: You know, Axl, I once had this big fight with my dad. Two of us didn't talk for weeks. Now, I felt bad about it, and I knew that he was wanting his car washed, so I went out and did it. And when he saw that gesture, he knew that was my way of saying sorry, and so... He was able to turn around and give me something I wanted.
Axl: God, Dad. After all you've done to me, what makes you think I want to hear one of your boring stories?

Derrick Glossner: What?
Brick: I know you've got my sister's cross-country trophy in your garage.
Derrick Glossner: Maybe we do, maybe we don't. If it's in our garage, it belongs to us.
Sue: Look, there is no reason why we can't all win here. If you give me back my trophy, I'm willing to give you this replica of the Eiffel tower my great aunt brought back from Paris. The one in Las Vegas.
[After Sue hands the replica to Derrick, the Glossner boys close the door]
Sue: How long do you think it'll take 'em to decide?

Sue: Brick, just stay calm!
Brick: [o.s.] You have to get me out of here, or else the Glossners will find me and kill me! Don't let me die in these stupid clothes!

Brick: Thanks for picking me over the trophy.
Sue: Of course, Brick. You're my brother. While you were in there did, ah, Derrick say anything about me?
Brick: No.
Sue: Good. 'Cause he's gross.
Brick: By the way, Sue, I finally figured out a use for all these pockets.
Sue: My trophy... piece!
Brick: I took it apart to get it past the Glossners. Luckily, they're not very smart. Although, they did explain this shirt to me.

Sue: [squeals] [talks lapidary] Mom and Dad, my cross-country banquet is coming up, and guess who's getting a trophy? Aah!
Frankie: You're getting a trophy?
Mike: How'd you get that from that?
Sue: Yes! The cross-country end of-year banquet is coming up, and they're holding it at the high school because our multipurpose room has mold, and guess who's getting MVP?
Mike: Uh...
Sue: Me!
Frankie: Oh, that's great! Wow. Oh, wow!
Sue: And I get to pose in the yearbook and everything, and I'll finally have a trophy to put on the mantle. It is a huge honor.
Mike: Wow, MVP. That still means "Most Valuable Player," right? [Sue nods]

Sue: Oh, and you need to give them $40 by Thursday.
Mike: 40 bucks? For what?
Sue: The trophy. I can't believe I won. [screams] [exots]
Mike: She wins a trophy, and we got to shell out 40 bucks.
Frankie: Mike, MVP! When is this ever gonna happen to Sue again?
Mike: I'm still wondering how it happened this time.

Mike: That's it, Axl. How many times I got to tell you?
Axl: Well, I guess more than you did, 'cause I forgot.
Mike: Well, let me jog your memory. I said, "Next sock I find, I'm taking away something big."
Axl: Fine. Whatever. God.
Mike: Fine, whatever?
Axl: Whatever. Punish me. Whatever. Fine.
Mike: Okay, fine, whatever, you're not playing in the game on Saturday. How's that? Is that "fine, whatever" enough for you?
Axl: What? You can't do that. It's my last game of the season.
Mike: No, your last game was your last game of the season. You're benched. Maybe next time, you'll listen harder to what I say.