Mike: It's not exactly football, but there is a trophy involved, so I'm in. I'll get you ready, but I'm not going easy on you.
Brick: Bring it on.
Mike: And no whispering this time.
Brick: You got it, Kemo Sabe.
[Brick lowers his head and then develops a pained expression as he tries to avoid whispering. Eventually, he breathes a sigh of relief.]

Frankie: Ooh, I'm in. Two tickets, upper level... Bieber! [Sue screams] Two minutes to enter my info. Wait. What's this "security word" in that little box? And why is it all blurry and slanted like that?
Sue: Just type it.
Frankie: Oh, god. "Z-E-B-4-A"? Is that supposed to be "zebra"? What is with the "4"? That can't be right.
Sue: It's not a "4." It's a "6"... Or a capital "N." 60 seconds.
Frankie: Okay, okay, I'll ask for another word. Maybe it'll be easier to read. "Y-E..." Is that an "8" or a "B"?
Brick: [practicing spelling with Mike] B-L...
Frankie: "L"? It's not an "L." Hey, pipe down in there.
Mike: You pipe down.
Brick: You sure you're not getting a divorce?
Sue: Everyone's piping down right now! Mom, Bieber, go.
Frankie: Okay, okay, I'll try a new one. "A-R..." Mm, no, pass. "F-3..." Okay. No, pass.
Sue: Ten seconds!
Frankie: Ooh! Yes! I can read that one. "Sold out."
Sue: [screams] No! [cries]

Frankie: How can he be out? What word did he miss?
Mike: "Reindeer." Got a little ahead of yourself there, didn't you? Just couldn't wait to start dancing.
Frankie: Really, Brick? "Reindeer"?
Brick: I know. There's a trick. The first part is the opposite of what you would think. Then I overthought it and made both parts the opposite. I got the "rein", then messed up the "deer"!
Axl: You misspelled "reindeer"? R-e-i-n-d-e-e-r? You know there's a trick, right? Dude, even I know that. [Brick groans]
Mike: Okay, you know what, buddy? Shake it off. It happens sometimes. Take a day off, and we'll start training for next year.
Brick: There isn't gonna be a next year. It was humiliating and depressing and mortifying, all words, by the way, that I know how to spell! I'm never going back to that school.

Mike: Brick, we gotta talk about school.
Brick: Okay. Well, I've been doing some research, and there's a private school with an excellent library, across town that looks interesting. It'll be a bit of a drive for you, but I'm willing to put up with it, and then, of course there's always homeschooling.
Mike: "Homeschooling"? We've taught you everything we know. Look, Brick... [clears throat] Even though it hurts right now, it's actually good that you're feeling disappointment. I mean, if- If Shaquille O'Neal had a bad game, he didn't give up and retire. He'd shake it off and come back and play the next day, and eventually, he won four championships. [off Brick's blank look] Basketball player. The guy on your backpack?
Brick: Oh. I'm pretty sure he pronounces it "Shaq-will."
Mike: I'm pretty sure he doesn't. Point is, he was able to take his disappointment and use it to make himself stronger. Think of it as fuel.
Brick: Nah. Too embarrassing. I can't go back.
Mike: Really? All the embarrassing things you've done, and this is the one that brings you down?
Brick: Apparently. [whispers] Kemo Sabe. [talks normally] Shoot.
Mike: It's time, Brick. You gotta go back to school.
Brick: Everyone's gonna laugh at me.
Mike: Not if I'm standing there with ya.

Mrs. Tibbits: Mr. Heck. Don't go running off just yet. It's every guest's honor to lead the class in the pledge of allegiance.
Mike: Oh, no, that's okay.
Mrs. Tibbits: I insist.
Mike: Uh... [clears throat] I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for purple mountains majesty... And... And... Lead us not into temptation... [kids laugh] Land that I love... Till death do us part... Amen. [salutes the flag]
[cut to Mike returning home:]
Mike: I'm never going back to that school.

Frankie: [v.o.] Every generation has its teen idol that the parents just don't get.
Sue: [screams] Oh, my God! You're never gonna believe it, Justin Bieber's coming to Indianapolis, and tickets go on sale, can I please go? Please?
Frankie: [to Mike] She wants to get tickets to the Justin Bieber concert in Indianapolis.
Mike: How did you get that from that?
Frankie: Aw. Here's the thing, Sue. Concert tickets are really expensive, and we just don't have the money right now. Not that we're gonna have it in the future, but we definitely don't have it now.
Sue: Daddy? Can I ask you something?
Mike: Divide-and-conquer doesn't work if the parents are in the same room.
Sue: Ugh! If I can figure out a way to come up with the money, then can we go?
Mike: Knock yourself out. While you're at it, see if you can find enough for a kitchen remodel.

Brick: Dad. Can you sign this form for my teacher, Ms. Tibbits?
Mike: "Tibbits"? What happened to Mr. Wilkerson?
Brick: He's still at Occupy Indy. We have Ms. Tibbits now.
Mike: Let me see.
Brick: It's so I can do the spelling bee. I'm going all the way to nationals this year.
Frankie: Wow, you sound pretty confident. Are you sure you just don't want to take another family road trip?
Brick: No, I really want to win the spelling bee.
Mike: Okay, I'll sign this, but I want to make sure you're doing it for the right reasons: a big old trophy and the satisfaction of defeating your enemies.
Brick: Yep. Plus, I want the other kids to think I'm cool.
Mike: Well, spelling is certainly the way to go.

Sue: Okay, I figured it out. From now on, I'll only shampoo once. I will rinse, but not repeat. Also, you can use the tickets as my birthday, Christmas, and any other present you might ever have gotten me for the next three years. I will no longer use electricity...
Frankie: [v.o.] I looked at Sue's face, and realized I couldn't think of the last time I ever wanted something that bad. Maybe a nap. But then I remembered... Shaun Cassidy.
Frankie: Okay.
Sue: [screams and dances]

Mike: All right, Brick. Spell "parallel."
Brick: P-A-
Mike: [slams the table] Come on. You're gonna have to deal with distractions. You don't know what's gonna happen in there. Be prepared for anything.
Brick: Got it.
Mike: Okay. Next word. Your mom and I are getting a divorce. Spell "fuselage."
Brick: You are?
Mike: [imitates buzzer] Sorry."U-R" is incorrect. Your mom and I are fine, but you gotta keep your cool, no matter what.

Sue: Okay, it's 1 minute to 4:00. I'm on the phone. You're on the web site. First person to get tickets yells, "Bieber." Are you ready?
Frankie: Yeah, I'm ready. Got my credit card. I got a backup credit card in case the first one gets rejected. I'm not saying that it will, but let's just say I wouldn't be shocked. Ooh, I also have...
Sue: It's 4:00! Go, go, go!
Frankie: Okay, okay, okay. Select concert"... Ooh, Air Supply's coming to the Indian casino.
Sue: Mom!
Frankie: Fine, fine."Justin Bieber." "Ticket price." Well, cheapest available sounds about right to me.