Brick: Should I put down seven or eight seconds for my driving log?
Mike: I don't know. My heart stopped at four.

Mike: Oh, tollbooth.
Frankie: Okay, let's see. I got $1.20. How much do you need?
Mike: 60 cents.
Frankie: All right.
Mike: Hey, give me the extra 60 cents, too.
Frankie: Why?
Mike: Well, it's Thanksgiving. I think I'll do something nice and pay for the car behind us.
Frankie: Aw, that's sweet! We're gonna pay for the car behind us.
Mike: Hey. It was my idea. I was gonna say that. Tell them we said, uh, "Happy Thanksgiving".
Frankie: That was all you, baby.

Mike: That was not the reaction I expected.
Frankie: I know. They were just plain rude. [scoffs] It makes you not want to do anything nice for people. I mean, I know it was just 60 cents, but you could at least give a wave.
Sue: I just think it's sad 'cause it's like, "What are you teaching your kids?" The message is, "Go do drugs, kids, 'cause it doesn't matter."
Axl: Yeah, and Brick could have really used that 60 cents 'cause he doesn't have a job.
Brick: [chuckles sarcastically]

Mike: Whoa, I'm below empty. Better pull in up here.
Frankie: Wait, is this the car with the broken gas gauge?
Mike: No, that's your car. This is the one where the needle broke off the speedometer and fell down into the crack where I can't get it out.

Mike: I don't get it. I had 30 bucks in here, and now it's gone.
Brick: Oh, I took it.
Mike: What? Why?
Brick: I mailed Cindy $30 to get back with me.
Frankie: Brick, if Cindy comes back to you because you paid her, she's basically a prostitute.
Brick: Well, yes, but she's my prostitute.

Mike: Axl, Sue, Brick, what do you got?
Brick: I spent all I had on Cindy.
Sue: I was really counting on that tip money that got stolen.
Axl: Yeah, I don't carry a wallet when I'm around you guys. You made me go on this trip, which technically means I'm a child, and right now this child could seriously use some chips and a cold beer.

Mike: Look, is there any way you could kind of just spot us 5 bucks for gas. We're only going another 40 miles, and we're coming back on the same route on Sunday, so we can pay you back then. We're going to her sister's house, and we all hate going.
Frankie: We don't hate going. It's just... She's just challenging.
Cashier: I would like to help you out, but I can't.
Mike: Okay, well, um, what about this? What if we leave something of value and... and swap it out for cash on the way back?
Frankie: Good idea. What do we have?
Sue: Uh, half an ice scraper.
Frankie: Half a shovel in the trunk.
Cashier: Hey, hey, hey, look, I don't own the place. I just work here. They have rules and cameras. That fish is one. If I don't do everything by the book, I could lose my job. I'm sorry.
Man: Excuse me. I couldn't help overhearing your conversation, and it being Thanksgiving and all, do you mind if I just cut in front of you and pay for these? Excuse me.

Sue: So, what do we do now?
Frankie: [sighs] Well, Janet can't come and rescue us 'cause she's got to help with mom.
Brick: What about the Donahues?
Mike: We're not gonna ask the neighbors to drive two hours on Thanksgiving to give us gas money. I'd like to keep the sliver of dignity I have left.
Sue: Oh, my God, you guys, do you see that sign over there?
Axl: "Road maintained by Dan Quayle"?
Sue: What? No, no, no, no, no. Farther down. The mall sign. There's a Spudsy's-on-the-Go! I bet they'll help us out. It says in the manual we're all a big family.

Sue: Hi! Okay, I know this sounds crazy, but we are Spudsy's employees, and we're really in a jam. And we're getting paid on Wednesday. So, is there any way you could call corporate and see if we could get an advance on our checks?
Carter: Yeah, I'm not doing that.
Sue: Oh.
Axl: What?
Sue: Why not? We're from the Orson branch. Our manager is Edwin.
Carter: Yeah? What's his last name?
Brick: He's very funny. He does a great impression of George the security guard. [Southern accent] "Mall closin' in 10 minutes!" [Sue laughs]

Sue: Look, I promise we work here. Our uniforms are in the car. Can we just borrow like $5 from your tip jar?
Carter: You really want to prove you work here? We all signed a pledge never to reveal the ingredients of Spudsy's secret sauce. Tell me what they are, and I'll give you what's in the jar.
Sue: Okay, um... Oh, my God. Oh, my God, I'm blanking. Why am I blanking? Brick! Help!
Brick: Uh...
Axl: I know it. And if I get it right, I get to be the one who keeps the job, and you two losers get to fight it out amongst yourselves.
Sue: I'll take that bet.
Brick: Me too. He doesn't even know the state bird.
Axl: Oh. Basil, oil, onions, garlic, emulsifier, ranch dressing. The cardinal.
Carter: That's correct.
Axl: Oh, yeah! I gets to keep a minimum-wage job. Ooh! Ooh!