Frankie: [sighs] Well, I'm fine.
Mike: You sound great.
Frankie: No, I am. My ovaries are fine. Unfortunately, they're like raisins. And not the cute, plump California ones that dance and wear gloves. They're like the hard, shriveled, sad, deformed ones in the Raisin Flakes we get from the Frugal Hoosier.
Mike: Well, this can't be a shock, Frankie. I mean, you are 50...
Frankie: I know what I am, thanks. [exhales sharply] You don't get it. Because they don't shut men's factories downs. They only shut women's factories down.
Mike: What factories?
Frankie: This factory. I mean, I liked knowing it was open. Now it's all red-tagged and padlocked with bulldozers in the parking lot.
Mike: I feel like anything I say here is gonna be wrong, so... you want to just hug me?

Axl: Let me ask you something. You ever order a glass of wine and think, "Hmm, I could really go for a nice thirst-quenching beer"? Or drinking a beer and think, "Hmm, wine would really add some class to these nachos"? Well, now you don't have to choose, 'cause I've solved that age-old question. Allow me to introduce you to the latest in taste sensation... Bwine!
Frankie: Bwine?
Axl: That's right. Beer plus wine equals Bwine. It was either that or "Weer," but that sounds a little too much like "Weird," and that is just not good marketing. Business major.
Mike: Wait, you're actually planning to sell this stuff? As a beverage? To people?
Axl: Oh, not just this one. I have created several varieties of Bwine. I have a Cabernet mixed with a stout, a Caber-stout, a pale ale mixed with a Chardonnay, a pale-ardonnay, and a fruity yet malty Merlot-enbrau.
Mike: Hm. Ahh... What's worse than bad?
Frankie: Oh, I don't know, maybe it just needs more wine. Or less wine. Or more sugar. Sugar helps with everything.
Axl: Yeah, I'm still fine-tuning my recipes. But once I lock them in, I'm taking these babies public. I'm telling you, Bwine is gonna bwow up!
Mike: [sighs] Just don't go wasting my beer.
Axl: Oh, come on, please. I'm creating a fine line of fine Bwines. I'm not gonna be using your Frugal Hoosier "dented but drinkables."

Frankie: Hey, have you figured out what you're gonna be for Halloween yet? You know, it's almost here, and I don't want to be scrambling around at the last minute looking for a costume for you. You can't be paper towel man for a third time.
Brick: Yeah... actually, I decided I'm not gonna go trick-or-treating this year.
Frankie: What?
Brick: I don't know. I think I'm getting a little old for that.
Frankie: Aw. You're not going trick-or-treating? Aw. Mike, he's not going trick-or-treating.
Mike: Good. You hate trick-or-treating.
Frankie: Yeah, but if I'd known last year was gonna be the last time, I would've made sure to enjoy it.
Mike: You didn't even take him out last year. And the year before that, didn't Nancy Donahue take him?
Frankie: Whatever time I took him out, whenever it was, I wish I'd known that was gonna be it, okay?

Axl: It's not my fault. Professor Hanawalt is so lame. Our paper's due Halloween night. Who does that?
Mike: Well, how long you known about this?
Axl: He sprung it on us like a month ago.
Mike: Axl, it's not gonna get done if you're sitting here. You know what you do? You drive to campus, go to the library, look at the card catalog, you check out a book on the subject...
Frankie: I think what your grandpa here is saying is that you need to go to a place where there's not a lot of distractions, and the library is not a bad place to do that.
Axl: Ugh! I don't like the library. It's quiet, it's boring, and I don't know where it is.

Axl: Ooh! Whoa. [dial tone] God, how can they do this?! Uh... Ooh. "Operator." [dial turns] [ringing] Oh, my God. This is taking forever.
Female Voice: [v.o.] This is the East Indiana State University operator system.
Axl: Yes! [chuckling] Yes!
Female Voice: [v.o.] If you'd like to dial out, please press "1." To reach campus security, please press "2."
Axl: [chuckles] I would very much like to do both of these things, but there's no buttons! It's just some weird wheely thing. Oh! This phone is from The Flintstones! [grunts] Help! Help!