Frankie: How do you guys survive with just basic cable? [Pat places down Frankie's grilled-cheese] Mm! Thanks, Mom. Ooh, this looks good. Aww! No chips? Hey, how long do you think it would take to make some pudding? Hmm? [Pat throws down a bag of chips for Frankie] Are you mad?
Pat: No. Anything else I can get you on Mother's Day?
Frankie: See, now you sound mad. I came here so you wouldn't be alone on Mother's Day.
Pat: Well, I'm sorry, but did you ever think maybe I wanted to be alone?
Frankie: You didn't wanna be with your daughter on Mother's Day?
Pat: Oh, I didn't say that.
Frankie: Yeah, you did, Mom. You said exactly that. You said, "Sorry, but did you ever think I wanted to be alone?"
Pat: What are you, a court reporter?

Frankie: You think that's a horrible gift? I got an inflatable foot bath.
Sue: You don't like your foot bath?
Frankie: It's ridiculous. What about me says I'm the kind that wants to blow something up and stick my feet in it?
[After Sue starts to sob, Frankie begins to cry and then Pat does, too]
Frankie: [v.o.] It took three hours and two trips to the candy drawer to undo everything that had been said.

Frankie: [v.o.] Some days, from start to finish, just blow.
Frankie: I'm never doing that again.
Mike: What? Mother's Day?
Frankie: Yeah, Mother's Day. It should be outlawed.
Mike: What? You don't mean that. The kids made you breakfast. You went to see your mom. It was good.
Frankie: You're confusing Mother's Day with Father's Day. Father's day is great. And you know why? Because a mom is running it.
Mike: You know what you need? A foot bath. I'm gonna blow you up a foot bath.

Frankie: [to Pat] I don't understand? You think I wouldn't wanna have a house all to myself? You think I wouldn't love to be alone on Mother's Day sucking down a glass of white zinfandel?
Sue: You don't wanna be with your daughter on Mother's Day?
Frankie: Sue, I didn't say that.
Sue: Yes, you did. You said exactly that.
Frankie: Sue, come on.

Frankie: [v.o.] Some days, from start to finish, just blow.
Frankie: I'm never doing that again.
Mike: What? Mother's Day?
Frankie: Yeah, Mother's Day. It should be outlawed.
Mike: What? You don't mean that. The kids made breakfast. You went to your mom's. It was good.
Frankie: I think you're confusing Mother's Day with Father's Day. They are nothing alike. Were you not here this morning?

Sue: [o.s.] Axl, get out here! Mom's food is getting cold!
Axl: [o.s.] So? She feeds us cold food. Now let me sleep.
Brick: [o.s.] I lost my present.
Sue: [o.s.] Brick, you just had it. What is wrong with you?
Brick: [o.s.] They don't really know.

Brick: I made you something, Mom.
Frankie: Oh! A macaroni picture frame. That's great, Brick. I love it. And a card from Sue? You guys are spoiling me. It's gonna be hard going back to my regular old life. [Sue hits Axl]
Axl: Oh, yeah. Right. Uh, I'm going with a verbal card this year. "Dear Mom: You're my mom. Pretty cool mom. Chick stuff here, feelings, whatever. Love, Axl."
Sue: So, Mom, what do you wanna do today? [knocks over Brick's present]
Brick: My frame.
Frankie: Oh, it's fine. It'll be fine.
Brick: Great. Now it looks thrown together.
Axl: I'm trying to sleep here. Have some respect for other people, people.

Frankie: [v.o.] See, that's where Mother's Day and Father's Day are different. On Father's Day, it really is his day.
Sue & Brick: Happy Father's Day.
Frankie: I held them off as long as I could.
Sue: We made all your favorites: eggs, sausage, waffles.
Brick: And a mini-doughnut Dad with bacon arms.
Mike: Well, I'll eat him first. Thanks. This looks great. You kids really know how to cook.
Axl: Yo, Pops, H.F.D. How about a game of hoops later?
Mike: You got it. Bring your A game.
Axl: It's gonna be epic.
Brick: I made you a remote-control caddy. Mom got all the supplies from the store and then stayed up late to put it together.
Frankie: But it was your idea.
Mike: Wow.
Frankie: Okay, let's let your father enjoy his breakfast and read his paper in peace. It's his day.
Brick & Sue: We love you, Dad.

Frankie: Hey, Mike, can you bring me the stain remover?
Mike: [v.o.] Don't know where it is.
Frankie: Yes, you do. It's under the sink.
Mike: [o.s.] I see dishwashing soap.
Frankie: Next to that.
Mike: [o.s.] Yeah, we must be out of it.
Frankie: No, no. Move stuff around. Are you moving stuff around?
Mike: This it?
Frankie: That's drain cleaner.
Mike: So you can't use it?

Frankie: I'll get it later. Right now I gotta shower. Well, thank you for the most wonderful Mother's Day breakfast. I think this was my best one yet. And when I get out, I'll open the rest of my presents. [exits]
Mike: Take your time. It's your day. Grab the coupon drawer. We got 20 minutes to hit the drugstore and get your mom something she'll treasure forever.