‘Hecks on a Train’
Season 6, Episode 12 - Aired February 4, 2015
After Aunt Edie passes away, the Hecks board a train to South Dakota to take her to her final resting place. Frankie accuses Mike of not being a caring or nurturing man after he doesn't come to her aid when she trips. Meanwhile, Axl believes he was responsible for Aunt Edie's death, Sue works on her college application, and Brick decides to experience life outside his comfort zone by befriending a boy on the train.
Quote from Frankie
Sue: What's this?
Frankie: Oh, it's a picture of the Leilani Motor Lodge in South Dakota. It's where Aunt Edie honeymooned.
Mike: What, was North Dakota closed?
Frankie: No, after she married her first husband Carl, they lived in South Dakota, and Aunt Edie always said she wanted to get back to the Leilani, but now she never will.
Sue: Aw.
Brick: [big band playing slow-tempo jazz] This was Aunt Edie's favorite song.
Frankie & Sue: Aw.
Mike: All right, everyone, stop remembering things.
Quote from Mike
Frankie: Oh! Okay, well, we got a birth certificate. Social Security card. Coupon from Elaine Powers. Oh, this is some kind of official statement saying she made a payment on a burial plot. Aw, she wants to be buried next to Carl.
Sue: Where's Carl?
Frankie: South Dakota.
Brick: [record needle scratches] Sorry.
Mike: Can you hand me that briefcase?
Sue: Oh, it's a portable bar.
Mike: I know.
Quote from Mike
Frankie: It's just embarrassing, Mike. It's embarrassing that I fell, and my husband wasn't the one to pick me up.
Mike: Look, I was on my way to help you. The guy just beat me to it.
Frankie: [scoffs] Okay.
Mike: What does that mean?
Frankie: It means, apparently, it's more important for you to get ketchup than to come and help your wife. Yeah, I saw.
Mike: I was in the middle of pumping. There's a rhythm to those dispensers. It goes pump, pump, pump. [imitates squirt] And then a reset. You gotta pump all the way through to the reset, or you wreck your rhythm.
Frankie: Whatever, Mike. The important thing is you got your ketchup. I'm just happy there was one gentleman on the train.
Mike: Look, you fell, and I didn't help you. I'm sorry. What else can I do?
Man: I'm sorry to bother you. I saw you fall earlier, and it looked like you might have twisted your ankle, so I brought you an ice pack.
Frankie: Thank you so much.
Mike: Yeah. Thanks!
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: Fine. Prove me wrong. Nurture me.
Mike: Ugh.
Frankie: Look me in the eyes for more than two seconds and tell me that you love me.
Mike: Right now in front of people?
Frankie: Hug me, then. No, not even a hug. Just- Just put your arm around me and comfort me. [Mike awkwardly places on arm in front of Frankie] Is there a problem?
Mike: No. It's that the angle's weird.
Frankie: You weren't worried about weird angles the other night. Here I am, Mike. Just nurture me as you see fit. [Mike puts his arm on Frankie's shoulder and the goes to lift it] That's a pat.
Quote from Brick
Brick: Hey.
Travis: Hey. [gestures to ask if he can sit down]
Brick: Yeah.
Travis: I'm going to visit my uncle. He's a rancher.
Brick: Rancher. Cool.
Travis: He's got these awesome dirt bikes that I pop wheelies on.
Brick: Dirt bikes. Cool.
Travis: [mouth full] Beef jerky?
Brick: Beef jerky. Cool.
Quote from Brick
Travis: I'm more thirsty than hungry.
Brick: More thirsty. Cool.
Travis: Here's what we're gonna do. You're gonna distract the bartender, then I'm gonna steal some beer. Got it?
Brick: Steal a beer. [voice breaks] Cool. [chuckles nervously]
Quote from Axl
Sue: Axl, Axl.
Axl: Ow. Ow.
Sue: You know more about computer stuff than I do. Can you please just see if there's any way you can get my essay back?
Axl: Well... [scoffs] I don't know, Sue. I think it's done. I mean, look, it sent you a receipt of the schools you applied to. [Sue whimpers ] Uh... Indiana, Purdue, Ball State. East Indiana St- [gasps] No. No, Sue. No!
Quote from Brick
Brick: Excuse me? My name is Brick. Uh... steen... Johnson. I'm in the market for some chips today.
Bartender: Knock yourself out.
Brick: [chuckles nervously] Actually, I've decided not to do this. I'm not a risk-taking person, you know, chip-wise, and Mesquite you never really know how that's gonna go down.
[After Brick knocks the chip rack down, Travis grabs two bottles of beer while the bartender bends down to pick it up]
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: Axl! Come on, Axl. You're not gonna live in Bear's Neck. This place is an armpit! [chuckles] I'm sure it's lovely for you folks.
Quote from Mike
Axl: I suppose you're here to tell me all the reasons it's not gonna be so bad having Sue go to my college.
Mike: Nope. Actually, that's got nothing to do with you.
Axl: Uh, my dorky sister at my college? I think it has everything to do with me.
Mike: Sue doesn't have to live her life based on what you want.
Axl: So what are you saying? I'm just supposed to roll over and be happy about this?
Mike: I'm saying if Sue gets into East Indiana and she wants to go there, she's going there. How you feel about it is up to you. If it makes you feel any better... [sighs] by the time she gets there, you'll be old enough to drink.