‘Hecks on a Train’
Season 6, Episode 12 - Aired February 4, 2015
After Aunt Edie passes away, the Hecks board a train to South Dakota to take her to her final resting place. Frankie accuses Mike of not being a caring or nurturing man after he doesn't come to her aid when she trips. Meanwhile, Axl believes he was responsible for Aunt Edie's death, Sue works on her college application, and Brick decides to experience life outside his comfort zone by befriending a boy on the train.
Quote from Brick
Brick: I can't believe I'm the last one who saw Aunt Edie alive. I was just here reading her the crime report from the Orson Herald, and she seemed fine. She lit a cigarette with another cigarette and then said, "Thanks for stopping by, Axl."
Frankie & Sue: Aw.
Sue: I remember when I was little and she'd have her holiday parties, and I would go around to all the adults with my little toy drink cartons, and I would say, "Do you want chocolate milk or orange juice?", and they'd all say, "Oh, how nice", and I'd get to Aunt Edie and she'd say, "Shut up and make me a real drink."
Frankie: Aw.
Mike: Okay, enough reminiscing. Today's not about getting emotional. It's about finding paperwork and cleaning up.
Quote from Mike
Sue: Ugh. I am so hungry. I can't concentrate. Are we ever gonna eat?
Mike: I'm not paying 8 bucks for a Coke and an Oh Henry!
Quote from Sue
Frankie: Sue, how's your essay coming?
Sue: Okay. I don't wanna get ahead of myself, but I think so far, really great. You wanna hear some of it?
Frankie: Of course.
Mike: That's okay.
Sue: Okay. [clears throat] "My dad told me to wait to see what happens in life and then label it. But I say, no, I named this 'The Year Of Sue,' and since then, great things have happened." I think colleges are really gonna respond to this, because more than anything, they want the shooting for the stars type. [gasps] New title "Shooting For The Stars."
Quote from Brick
Brick: So did we check the coffin to make sure Aunt Edie's in there?
Frankie: Brick, listen to me. She just got old and died, but it's okay. She had a great ride. She met a lot of wonderful people. She saw a lot of wonderful places. She really did everything she wanted to in life.
Mike: Actually, she did it with about 20 years to spare.
Brick: You're right. Well, what have I done in my life? I haven't done anything. I've just laid around reading books about other people doing things. If Aunt Edie's taught me anything, it's that life is waiting. Mom, take my book. From now on, Brick Heck's gonna step outside his comfort zone and start living. And what better place than on a train?
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: [v.o.] So Mike and I crunched the numbers and figured we could spring for a plate of chicken fingers.
Frankie: Excuse me. I don't think you gave us enough chicken fingers.
Bartender: You asked for one order.
Frankie: Yeah, but shouldn't there be at least five? I mean, there's five fingers. You know, if you count the thumb as a finger, which most people do. And if you're talking actual chicken fingers, I think they have at least seven. [the bartender begrudgingly drops a few more chicken fingers on Frankie's plate] Lot of attitude for a train bartender.
Quote from Frankie
Mike: Look, I really am sorry.
Frankie: [scoffs] You know what? It's fine. You're just not a nurturer. But that's okay. I've made my peace with it.
Mike: What are you talking about? I... nurture.
Frankie: [sighs] You realize that when I found out Aunt Edie had died, you didn't even hug me?
Mike: Sure, I did.
Frankie: No, you didn't. You patted me. It was a pat. Pat, pat, pat.
Mike: You're remembering it wrong.
Frankie: No, I'm not. They told me Aunt Edie had died. I hung up the phone. You said... [imitates Mike] "Well, we knew that call was coming." [normal voice] Then you patted me like a golden retriever and you went and watched TV. You've never been a hugger, Mike. When the kids were younger, they hugged me all the time, so I didn't really notice, but now it's very clear. I'm trapped in a hugless marriage.
Mike: You wanna try a wordless marriage?
Quote from Sue
Sue: I'm finally done. Here. Listen to the last line of my essay. It's really, really good. "And in conclusion, that is why I'll spend the rest of my life shooting at the cars and..." "Shooting at the cars"? Oh, pfft. Oh, God. I am tired. It's a good thing I'm proofreading this.
[When the train suddenly brakes, Sue slides forward with her laptop which emits a chime.]
Sue: Wait a minute. What just happened? Where did it go? "Congratulations. Your application has been sent." [gasps] No, no, no, no, I accidentally hit "Send"!
Axl: Classic. [laughs]
Sue: [gasps] No, no, no, no, no! My life is over!
Frankie: Hey, what's wrong?
Mike: What'd you do, Axl?
Sue: [gasps] I was working on my essay, and it was all done, and I wanted to write "Shooting for the stars," but instead I wrote "Shooting at the cars," so I tried to hit "Delete," and then the train lurched and I hit "Send" instead, and now I'm never gonna go to college!
Quote from Brick
Brick: Can I sit next to you?
Sue: Yeah, sure. Why?
Brick: No reason. I just wanna stay close to you during this difficult time with Aunt Edie. Also, if this friend of mine shows up and wants to drag me away, can you protect me? He's a little bigger than you. Oh, and he might be drunk.
Sue: Not now, Brick. I'm researching jobs that don't require a college degree since I won't be getting one.
Brick: You know, Sue, your typo really isn't that big of a deal. Did you know in the play Julius Caesar, Shakespeare wrote a line about a clock striking three, even though clocks didn't even exist in Ancient Rome?
Sue: Really?
Brick: Yeah, and he's the greatest writer of all time. You know, as long as the spirit of what you wanna say comes through, I don't think colleges will care about one little mistake. Trust me, Sue. If I've learned anything from Aunt Edie, it's that you can't live your life in fear. [Brick pulls his hoodie tight around his face as Travis walks down the aisle]
Quote from Axl
Axl: Here. It's the fruitest, girliest drink I could find.
Sue: Oh, thanks.
Axl: You owe me $2.50, and by the way, if you do decide you want to go to my school... [inhales deeply] I'd be okay with it.
Sue: [gasps] Really? Oh, that is so nice, Axl.
Axl: Yeah, not doing it for you. It's my final karmic payment. The way I see it, I gotta be even with Aunt Edie now 'cause... you going to my school is the worst possible thing that could ever happen to me.
Sue: Come on. I bet if I end up there, we'll definitely have some good times.
Axl: Nope, not even one.
Quote from Axl
Axl: No one hated Aunt Edie, Brick. She was a great lady, and we were lucky to have her for as long as we did.
Sue: Well, I loved Aunt Edie. But this could not have happened at a worse time. I carved out the whole weekend to finish my common app for college.
Axl: Would you stop thinking about yourself, Sue? Aunt Edie's gone forever, and family's the most important thing right now.
Sue: Wow. He seems really broken up.
Brick: Almost too broken up.