Mike: Sue, I need to talk to you.
Sue: Okay.
Mike: [sighs] Your mom and I found this ticket stub, and we are very disappointed...
Sue: I'm sorry! [sobs] I'm so sorry. I should have listened to you. You were right. You were totally right! I'm not ready to see an R-rated movie! They said and did weird things. And then how could he sleep with his wife and then sleep with his wife's sister the next day? It was disgusting! And that's not even the worst of it! Mom's always telling me to just put one pump of butter on my popcorn, but I put three pumps 'cause I thought I could handle it! But I couldn't, Dad! I couldn't handle it! I threw up on the theater floor. Oh, God. How could I ever doubt you? [sobs]

Mike: Okay, well, it seems like you realize what you did was wrong, but, Sue, you know, there are consequences to lying.
Sue: There should be so many consequences!
Mike: Right... and so you are grounded for a week. No TV.
Sue: No, that's not enough! I defied you!
Mike: Oh. Okay. Well... I'm taking your iPod, too.
Sue: And I lied about where I was.
Mike: Uh, how about... no phone?
Sue: I took Mom's sweater without asking!
Mike: [sighs] I'm kinda running out of things to take from you, Sue.
Sue: Well, sometimes after school, I like to go over to the soccer field and watch the guy mow the lawn.
Mike: All right. You can't do that... For two weeks. Matter of fact, that's kinda strange. Why don't you stop doing that altogether?
Sue: But wait. There's more! Look at this! [sobs] Brick and I did it! Oh, God! I just sold Brick down the river! What kind of a sister am I?! I should be punished for not supporting my brother! I should be punished for everything I ever did wrong because you guys are the best parents ever...

Sue: Dad! Please. There are a ton of reasons why I should be allowed to see this movie. Just hear me out. Number one, "I am very mature and have exhibited maturity in other aspects of my life, making me prepared to watch mature situations and adult themes." Number two, it stars my favorite actor, Taylor Lautner." I-I-I'll skip down a bit. Uh, 27...
Mike: Honey, you're not 17. It's against the law.
Sue: Just take my list. Peruse it at your leisure.
Mike: Sue, it's not happenin'. It doesn't matter if you have a hundred reasons why. Oh. Look at that. You do.

Frankie: [v.o.] Axl and the Ax-Men weren't the only ones not taking "no" for an answer. Sue and Carly were coming up with an ill-advised solution to their problem, too.
Sue: [loud, stilted voice] This should be a good movie. I'm so glad I got the afternoon off work from the chiropractor's office where I work.
Carly: [loud, stilted voice] My work's been stressful, too. I've got a big memo due by the end of the month.
Sue: How is your coffee?
Carly: Good. How's your coffee?
Sue: Good. Remember when we saw 127 Hours? I didn't think there was enough sex and violence. I could have used more mature themes.
Carly: Yeah. I could have totally handled it. [lowers voice] We're next. Oh, my God. I think the ticket taker's looking at us. My heart is racing!
Ticket Seller: [o.s.] Next!
Sue: [deep voice] Two adult tickets for Rivers of Love, please.
Carly: [whispers] Sue! Your braces.
Sue: [gasps] [covers mouth with coffee cup] Thank you. Do you require anything else from us at this time?
Ticket Seller: No.
Sue: Very well. [both squeal]

Mike: I don't think we've ever punished Sue, have we? I don't think we have.
Frankie: No, of course we have. What about the time she clogged the toilet with her Barbie?
Mike: No, that wasn't her. Remember, we thought it was her, but it turned out to be Axl.
Frankie: Didn't she make a bunch of long distance phone calls without asking?
Mike: Axl. She broke the frame on our wedding picture and tried to hide it.
Frankie: No, we thought she broke it, but she was just getting it reframed for our anniversary.
Mike: Right. That was thoughtful.
Frankie: [sighs] So thoughtful.
Mike: She really is a great kid.
Frankie: Yeah.
Mike: But you know what? She flat out disobeyed me. I gotta go put the hammer down. Her door's closed. She's probably sleeping. I'll put the hammer down tomorrow.

Frankie: Hi, Mrs. Tompkins. We were just wondering... how do I put this?
Mike: Why'd everyone except Brick get moved up? [Frankie sighs] What? What other question could we possibly have?
Mrs. Tompkins: Listen, I would love to move Brick ahead. I really would. It's just that he hasn't... progressed as much as the other kids.
Mike: Really? 'Cause maybe it's just me, but I thought he nailed that kite conversation.

Mrs. Tompkins: Did you get my e-mail about how vital it is that parents play and interact with them at home?
Frankie: Oh! Are you kidding? Oh, we play with him all the time.
[flashback to Brick playing a board game in the living room while Frankie reads a mazgine in the kitchen:]
Brick: Mom! Your turn!
Frankie: Roll for me.
Brick: 7! You made it into the safety zone!
Frankie: Whoo! This thing is really heating up now.
[present:]
Frankie: We... you know, got...
Mrs. Tompkins: busy. But it really is important. It'd just be a shame if he missed out on his childhood.

Axl: [sings] That's why you run to me Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah [talks] Dudes! This is the greatest rock song ever written! We can't keep it to ourselves, though. We gotta get it on YouTube, share it with the world!
Sean: All we need is a hot girl to star in our video.
Axl: Yeah.
Sean: No, a hot woman so it doesn't look like an amateur thing.
Darrin: How about my mom?
Axl: Darrin. Gross.
Darrin: You haven't seen her lately. She lost, like, 14 pounds.

Axl: Or we could try and erase that image from our brains and ask someone like our biology teacher, Ms.
Devereaux.
Sean: Oh, man. She is so hot. You think she'd do it?
Axl: Why not? I'm sure she'd dig being famous, plus she could probably use the cash. I mean, what do teacher's make, 100, 200 grand tops?

Frankie: I'm telling you, Mike, I don't know why we ever quit skipping. It was like our main mode of transportation in the third grade, and then for some reason, we all just stopped. And you know why? 'Cause society says that adults shouldn't skip. Crazy, right?
Mike: I don't know. I'm kinda with society on this one.
Frankie: You have to try it. It's amazing. I mean, sure, you look like an idiot when you're doing it, but you don't care because you're skipping. And it really clears your head. I was thinking about Brick when I was skipping, and I had this epiphany. We know our son better than anybody, so why should we let someone who spends an hour a week with him tell us what he needs or doesn't need?
Mike: Yeah. He's been going there a year, and all he's got is "I like kites"? Same me the $10 co-pay. He can like kites for free.
Frankie: Right? Our son is happy. He's content. That's why he doesn't try to make friends, 'cause he doesn't want them. So I'm not gonna make myself nuts about all of this. When Brick tells me he wants a friend, then I'll know there's a real issue.
Brick: [enters] Mom, Dad, I think I might want a friend. You know what I like. Let me know when you find him.
Frankie: And back to me. Ugh! I'm going out for a skip.