Axl: So, I did a lap around the property, scoped out the talent. Good news... It's not a total wasteland. There's at least two total hotties who also seem to be stuck here with their families. So, what do you say? Dust off a little "Jerk/Not A Jerk"?
Sean: I don't know, man.
Axl: Oh, come on. It'll be like the old days. And we're in Kentucky... we've never tried it on foreign soil.
Brick: What is "Jerk/Not A Jerk"?
Axl: Ah, pbht... It's kind of like good cop/bad cop but for meeting women. You see, Sean here goes up to a lady, acts like a jerk, then I swoop in, tell him to leave her alone. He leaves, the girl is grateful, I look like a hero, and... boom... Ice broken.

Mike: All right, I'm going on a tour of the cave. Who's going with me? [nobody reacts] Anybody? No?
Okay, you're gonna miss it.
[later:]
Tour Guide: [v.o.] You're now in the deepest recess of the longest cave system in the world. When I turn off this lamp, you'll experience a complete absence of natural light.
Mike: Cool.

Brick: Hey, beautiful. You're a real hot lady. You make me feel... stuff. Are you hungry? Perhaps my parents can buy you a sandwich. And if we wait a half an hour, we can go swimming. But we'll have to stay in the shallow end. If I can't feel the bottom, I'll panic.
Sarah: No, thanks. I'm good.
Brick: Don't sell yourself short, toots. You're way better than good.
Axl: Oh, hey, is this guy bothering you?
Sarah: Actually, yeah, he is.
Axl: Okay, buddy, hit the bricks. Let the lady read her book.
Brick: Fine. I read that book anyway. The banker's the killer.
Axl: Oh. Pbht. Sorry about that. Jerks like him give us all a bad name.
Sarah: Well, thank you. I'm Sarah.
Axl: Axl. So, you like books?
Sarah: Yeah. I did until he ruined the ending.

Axl: Hey, Brick. It looks like you're gonna have to be my jerk again today.
Brick: What? No way. What happened to Sarah?
Axl: She's got a boyfriend in the military. Just can't do that to our troops.

Axl: Oh, come on, Brick. I can't go back to school and tell everyone I just hung out with my family for spring break, not at least without hooking up with somebody.
Brick: [sighs] Fine, but I don't know why you can't just be your own jerk. You're a lot better at it.
Axl: Hey, don't try to flatter me now.

Mike: Okay, I'm off to Old Fort Harrod. They're demonstrating a genuine Civil War cannon today. Who's coming with? [nobody reacts] Nobody? All right, more fort for me.

Frankie: [v.o.] If I wanted to protect my friendship with Nancy, I knew I had to get to Shelly before she ratted me out.
Frankie: Hi, Shelly. Having fun? You know, sometimes adults say silly things that kids don't understand, like when they talk about mortgages or other people's parenting skills. You might think you get it, but your brain hasn't actually developed the capacity for irony yet. In fact, your head's probably still soft. If I touched it right now, my finger would probably go right through it. Not that I will. The important thing is just not to say anything to your mom about anything you may or may not have heard. Okay? We cool?
Shelly: I don't have anyone to play "Marco Polo" with.
Frankie: [sighs] Marco...

Frankie: Marco? Marco?
Frankie: [v.o.] After three hours of playing "Marco Polo" and never finding Shelly, but inappropriately touching a couple of old guys and making their day, I was done.
Frankie: Look, Shelly. This was really fun. So fun. So, I guess the only thing your mom is gonna hear about today is how much fun we had, right?
Shelly: You know, your room has a really nice view. [Frankie sighs]

Sue: It's open.
Mike: Listen, Sue, I'm sorry, but...
Sue: You ready to go?
Mike: Uh... Yeah. Okay.
Sue: My God, Dad, you were so right. This place is awesome, especially the rock that looked like a buffalo.
Frankie: [v.o.] Mike had so much he was going to say, but in that moment, he couldn't say anything 'cause he knew he might be able to stop a girl from going to Dollywood, but he couldn't stop a woman.

Axl: Okay, Brick, no more tricks. You see that blonde in the corner? I'm gonna need you to go over there and bring your d-bag "A" game.
Brick: [clicks tongue] Axl, I don't get this. You're always great with women. You have so many moves. Why do you even need me?
Axl: I don't know. I'm just kind of in a slump or something. [sighs] Okay, here's the thing. A couple weeks ago, I saw Devin with some skater guy, and she was all, like, laughing and throwing her hair back. You know how girls do that?
Brick: No. Cindy never laughs. But I thought you and Devin broke up.
Axl: Well, I kind of thought we did, but I-I wasn't sure. The whole conversation was very confusing. I guess in the back of my mind, I always figured we'd work it out. But now it seems like she's moved on. So when I go back to East Indy, it's just gonna be weird.