Chidi: There's only one option. Sean clearly doesn't know that Michael has rebooted this neighborhood 800 times. I say we trade that information for some kind of reduced sentence.
Tahani: Chidi, they're monsters. Who's to say they won't agree to a deal, hear what we have to say, and turn around and install us into their horrible human zoo?
Chidi: There's no other option. There's no way for a human to get that bracelet off of Janet.
Tahani: But if there were, we could get her to call us a train to Mindy St. Claire's house. We know for a fact that the people from the Bad Place can't follow us there, and I vote for that.
Jason: I vote we...
Tahani: No, sorry, and no offense, Jason, but the stakes here are too high to let someone with your limited intellectual processing capacity weigh in.
Jason: I was gonna agree with you.
Tahani: Oh, great, well, that's two votes for my plan.

Tahani: Sorry, but when all this started, you're the one who told us that Michael wasn't trustworthy. Now you want us to trust him?
Eleanor: Yes, for one very specific and rock-solid reason: What's-his-name.
Chidi: Who?
Eleanor: The dude, the super depressing religious guy. The... the real buzzkill whose name I can never remember. Keeblers... car. Kyra. Sedgwick?
Tahani: Oh, I love her. Dear friend of mine. Not important right now.

Eleanor: Look, maybe Michael jumped back to the dark side, but I don't think so. I think he's gonna help us escape. I know it sounds crazy, but if it weren't crazy, they wouldn't call it a leap of faith. They would call it a... sit of doubting.

Michael: I see Eleanor Shellstrop is here. Eleanor and I have a lot in common. Now, here's how you can tell us apart: one of us is a manipulative demon who's an expert at making other people miserable, and then the other one... is me! You thought you deserved a Medium Place like Mindy St. Claire? Are you kidding me? You're bad, Eleanor. This is exactly the place you should be.
Eleanor: Not super funny for a roast there, bud.
Michael: Oh, sorry, you want a joke? Okay, you love Chidi, and Chidi doesn't love you back. Boom! Now, that's funny, because it's very cruel and humiliating.
Chidi: I consider you one of my closest friends...
Eleanor: Not now, dude.

Michael: "Speaking of Chidi" is something no one has ever said, because no one talks about Chidi, because no one likes Chidi, because he's so annoying about ethics. Now, when you taught the Trolley Problem, did you secretly wish that it could be you who wound up under the trolley? Because all your students did. Whoo! Oh, Chidi, sorry, I got a joke for you, bud. Uh, knock knock.
Chidi: Who's there?
Michael: You died alone, because you couldn't commit to anyone.
Jason: You died alone because you couldn't commit to anyone who?
Eleanor: No.
Michael: Jason Mendoza! Okay, that's all my time. Let's tear this mother to the ground! [all cheer]

Shawn: This is a PR disaster. We have to keep it all under wraps. Get her on the train, and if anyone else says a single word of what happened here to anyone, you will be in a cocoon just like Vicky, and it is gooey in there.

Tahani: Oh, Michael, we never doubted you for a moment.
Michael: Thank you, Tahani. You're lying, though, right?
Tahani: Yes, I am. I doubted you very strongly.

Eleanor: But then I figured it out. Kierkegaard, baby! Leap of faith.
Michael: It's better translated as a leap into faith.
Chidi: You remembered! [Michael chuckles]

Eleanor: Okay, what else did Michael say in the roasts that might be meaningful? Tahani, do you remember?
Tahani: Well, he said my entire life was pointless and empty.
Eleanor: Yeah, but did he say anything we don't already know? Anything that stood out?
[flashback:]
Michael: You know what the worst moment of Tahani's life was? When the last song played at one of her parties, and she would run off and cry, because she still hadn't won her parents' approval.
[present:]
Tahani: That was odd. A host never runs off during their last song, because after it's over, you're supposed to act surprised when everyone drags you on stage and showers you with applause.
Eleanor: Maybe Michael wanted us to wait until the end of the party, when everyone was at their most distracted.
Chidi: And use Derek to drive the train, because he has some of Janet's powers.

Chidi: Eleanor, what do you think? Trade information on Michael or try to escape to the Medium Place?
Eleanor: Neither. I vote we ignore everything Michael just said and blindly assume he's still on our side. Who's with me?