Jason: I never thought I'd be the one to say it, but this is getting out of hand. I think we gotta go to the cops.
Eleanor: What cops? Where do you think we are?

Eleanor: I guess Michael really did flip back to the bad side.
Tahani: Oh, does one think? That roast was the meanest thing I've ever seen, and I once saw a waiter bring Russell Crowe the wrong tea.

Tahani: Or maybe he's a supernatural demon designed to torture people, who just got offered his dream job, and has flipped on us like a ten-stone griddle chip. [off their looks] It's a large pancake. Come on, people, you can get these from context.

Eleanor: Ugh. The one time I think someone isn't lying to me, and it bites me in the ash.

Chidi: Well, we have no choice. We go to Shawn, and we tell him that we'll trade secret information about the reboots, if he'll go easy on us, and if that doesn't work, we try to get Janet free and head to Mindy's. Agreed?
Jason: Yeah, Michael sucks now. He pretended to be our friend. He's gonna torture us for eternity. And you know what the worst part is? He doesn't remember the name of my favorite football player.
Tahani: Definitely not the worst part.
Jason: It is to me. Blake Bortles is a cool name. Derek Bortles is a dumb name.

Janet: Can somebody please explain what happened, and... and can you guys just be a tiny bit quieter? Because, um, I've been drunk on magnets all day, and... and I can literally hear every sound in the universe.
Eleanor: Basically, Michael sent us a code, and we had to crack it.
Jason: I figured out the first clue...
Eleanor: No, you didn't, I did.
Jason: I was there, though!
[flashback:]
Jason: Blake Bortles is a cool name. Derek Bortles is a dumb name.
Eleanor: Yes... Derek Bortles is indeed a very dumb name. It's a clue. There's no way Michael would've forgotten the name Blake Bortles. You say it a million times a day.
Jason: 'Cause he's the best.
Eleanor: No, he's not, and even I know that. Michael was telling us to use Derek, Janet's Derek, for something. There were clues in the roast. Everybody, quietly but quickly head to the train station, but let's split up, so we don't draw attention. [all move in the same direction] Ugh, you guys are the worst conspirators.

Tahani: At some point, we should finish discussing yesterday's events.
Jason: Do you mean us almost getting married and then finding out I was married to Janet and then Janet making a boyfriend to forget me and then Janet getting rid of that boyfriend? Or do you mean when we saw that cool cloud?
Tahani: The first bit. Perhaps later after Michael briefs us on how we're gonna be fake-tortured today, we can just sit down and have a chat?
Jason: Yes, good idea. Yo, Chidi.
Chidi: Yeah?
Jason: You wanna hear about a cool cloud I saw?

Eleanor: Michael, is this all true?
Michael: Yes, Eleanor, it is. You're such a rube, thinking you could become a better person. You got Chidi to teach you stupid philosophy... Like those old farts were gonna provide guidance. "Oh, Kierkegaard is so great. Have you read Fear and Trembling?" Well, I don't know, have you read Boring and Stupid? Because that's what you are.
Shawn: Nice.
Michael: Thank you.

Shawn: How long will it take you to shut down the neighborhood?
Michael: Better part of a day, I'd guess. In the meantime, why don't we have a farewell party here tonight? You know, just to thank the crew for all the hard work. We could jam to some tunes, you know, destroy the place, play beer pong with Jason's testicles.

Shawn: By the way, I know what you're thinking. "Maybe Janet can help."
Michael: Ah. You're wrong.
Shawn: Janet?
Janet: [appears with her hands cuffed] Oh, hi, you little cuties. I love you guys so much, except for you, Jason, because I hate you. I hate you.
Eleanor: Janet, what's wrong?
Janet: Ooh! Where's my phone?
Michael: We put a restraining bracelet on her, disrupting her powers.
Janet: It's made of mag-a-nets. Mag-a-nets. Mag-a-ne-its. Magnets are supposed to make me feel drunk, but guess what, I feel fine.