Eleanor: Why don't you just take us to the Bad Place already, dude?
Shawn: Because I want to see the look on Michael's face when he realizes he failed. I love seeing the look on people's faces. It's the best part of my job.
Eleanor: Dude, Michael's not coming here. Face it, man. You are outmatched, because Michael and Janet are brilliant and savvy and they've been ten steps ahead of you this whole time. We can sit here as long as you want. But you will never, ever, ever, see Michael or Janet again.
Michael: [enters] Yikes, that was rough. Total bust. Ah, Doug is a complete disaster. And I drank his piss.
Shawn: Hello, Michael. See? See the look on his face? So great.

Michael: How did you get down here? We have the only key to the door to Earth.
Shawn: We built our own door.
Michael: That's impossible.
Shawn: [mocking] That's impossible. Ugh, you're such a dweeb.
Michael: Why can't you leave us alone? You don't have enough nostrils to stuff with wasps?
Shawn: I don't want just any wasp nostrils... I want these wasp nostrils. You're just delaying the inevitable, Michael. The Bad Place is going to get all of them eventually. These four, their loved ones, even your precious pee-pee king, Doug Forcett.
Michael: Now, why would you think that?
Shawn: Just a hunch. And do you know what else I had a hunch about?
Michael: No.
[Janet kicks Shawn into the portal]

Chidi: I thought Doug Forcett was the blueprint for leading a good life? He seems pretty confident that Doug is heading to the Bad Place.
Michael: For a while now, I have felt like there was something wrong with how the point system was evaluating humans. At first I thought it was that the system didn't allow for the possibility that people could improve. That's why I convinced the Judge to send you back to Earth so you could confront the ways you were living. But now I'm worried that the problems with the system might be much more serious. We need to gather some real evidence.

Jason: Michael, Michael, Michael. [panting] I forgot what you asked me to get.
Michael: That's okay, bud. Thanks anyway. Look, we won't be long and you guys should be safe here. Actually, scratch that. We're all screwed because a bunch more demons just showed up.
Eleanor: There's too many of them. What do we do?
Janet: I have an idea. I think I can take you into my void.
Chidi: Cool. That sounds fun. Let's go into a void.
Michael: Okay, let's go.
Janet: But, just to be clear... I don't know if you'll survive in my void, but either way, all of you will definitely die on Earth when I do this, so look around and say goodbye.
Jason: Goodbye, Earth.
Chidi: Wait, did you just say we're gonna di...

Michael: Janet, how cool is he? You know, for a celebrity, he's amazingly down to earth. Stars, they really are just like us.
Janet: He's so thoughtful with his actions. Thank goodness he had that hallucination. He could have had the one Randy had where everything was made of ears. Way less helpful.
Michael: We have to learn everything we can about what makes him tick so we can use it to help others. He is the blueprint, Janet. He figured it all out.

Doug Forcett: So, these are some of my 71 adopted dogs and wolves.
Janet: You've rescued every stray animal that's ever wandered onto your property?
Doug Forcett: Oh, yes, ma'am. I've been mauled several times. [chuckling] Oh, this little guy here might look innocent, but boy, he goes right for the squeaker if you know what I mean.

Doug Forcett: Oh, this is fun. You get to meet Raymond. Hi, Raymond.
Raymond: Hi, dum-dum. Who are these two hosers?
Doug Forcett: Don't worry about Raymond. He's just a local sociopath who comes by my house to take advantage of me. Yeah, I got your laundry all folded and ready for you.
Raymond: For whatever reason, this loser does whatever you tell him to do. Watch. Hey, give that guy your shoe.
Doug Forcett: Would that make you happy?
Raymond: Very happy. Now give him your shoe.
Michael: Well, that's okay, Doug, don't... I don't need your shoe. Please don't give me your shoe.
Raymond: Well, then give me your shoe, or I'll be sad.
Doug Forcett: There you are. [Raymond laughs as he throws the shoe into the woods] Well, as long as he's happy. See, if I make him happy, I get the points. That's how the system works, remember?
Raymond: Go get your shoe, idiot.
Doug Forcett: [chuckles] Be right back. Ow. Oh, that's a bleeder. Oh. Yeah.

Jason: Oh, what?!
Chidi: Jacksonville style, baby. Thirty million points.
Jason: Nice one, homie.
Eleanor: Hey, what are you guys doing?
Chidi: Well, I either know exactly what I'm doing and it's something, or we're doing nothing and I'm winning.
Eleanor: Congrats. Can I talk to you for a second?

Michael: Hello, Shawn, other demons. What are you all doing down here?
Shawn: What do you think we're doing, you hemorrhoid? We're ending this charade once and for all. These four humans are the legal property of the Bad Place. That's where we're taking them. And you.
Michael: If you want them, you're gonna have to go through me.
Shawn: That's the idea.
Michael: Well, it's a bad idea.
Shawn: Oh, Michael. When will you ever...
Janet: Screw this. Let's fight!

Val: I've never marbleized a Janet before. [pool ball hits Val]
Jason: Jacksonville style, baby. Two thousand points!
Janet: Thanks, Jason.