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‘You Gotta Have Hope’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: You Gotta Have Hope

417. You Gotta Have Hope

Aired February 25, 1989

When the girls agree to put together a talent show for charity, they struggle to find a host or any talent. Rose suggests inviting Bob Hope to be the MC, claiming he's her father.

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: Oh, this is terrible. The Ladies Auxiliary puts me in charge of the variety show, and we can't come up with one decent act.
Rose: I was just thinking, it's too bad we're not back in St. Olaf.
Blanche: Why? They have a lot of talent back in St. Olaf?
Rose: No. It's lunchtime there. I could really go for a smoked kipper hero.

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Quote from Sophia

Blanche: All right, who's auditioning next?
Sophia: I'm next.
Dorothy: Ma! What the hell are you doing here?
Sophia: I gnawed through my leather restraints and outran the new guard dog.

Quote from Rose

Blanche: How's everything going?
Blanche: Awful. Kent Ferguson canceled. We don't have an MC for the talent show.
Dorothy: We don't even have any talent for the talent show. The whole thing's gonna be a disaster. I'll be the laughingstock of the Ladies Auxiliary.
Rose: Oh, honey. Would it help if I got Bob Hope to be our MC?
Dorothy: How are you going to get Bob Hope?
Rose: Easy. He's my father.
Dorothy: Rose, have you been forgetting to wash the fruit before you eat it?

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: I still can't believe that Rose caused all this trouble.
Dorothy: Unbelievable.
Blanche: This whole fantasy about Bob Hope is sick.
Dorothy: Sick.
Blanche: I mean, if she's gonna have fantasies, they ought to be the normal, healthy kind, like sweaty Argentinean cowboys whipping things while they ride naked on the back of Brahma bulls.
Dorothy: I have to remember to stop using your towels.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: This Rose/Bob Hope thing reminds me of a similar situation back in my village. Florence Pontevecchio used to fantasize that Alberto Bolognese was her brother.
Blanche: Who was Alberto Bolognese?
Sophia: He was the boot maker in the village.
Dorothy: What's so special about that?
Sophia: Did I say it was special? I said it was similar. I'm having a cup of tea, talking. The two of you have a look on your face like you paid for Phantom of the Opera tickets. Excuse me for not being Somerset Maugham. Better I should say nothing from now on and sit here like a pincushion!

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: Oh, this is so weird. I've never been in a men's locker room before.
Rose: Neither have I.
Blanche: I really like the new carpet they- Me neither.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: I'm here for the audition.
Dorothy: Forget it. You force your way into the show every year, and every year, it's a total disaster. You can't sing, you can't dance, you can't tell jokes. I'm sorry, you can't be in the show.
Sophia: "You can't be in the show. You can't be in the show." Who are ya, Ricky Ricardo?

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Dorothy, I've got some good news. I've had a change of heart. I'll let the triplets be in your show for free.
Blanche: Why, Sophia, that's w- You don't know how much good this does us.
Dorothy: Wait just a minute. What's the catch?
Sophia: That is so typical of you. Why do you automatically assume because I'm trying to do something nice there's a catch?
Dorothy: So there isn't a catch.
Sophia: I didn't say that. It just ticks me off that you automatically assume there's one.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: Sophia, he's terrible.
Sophia: No, he's not. He's terrific. ... Oh, you mean the act? We'll work on that.
Dorothy: So that's it? You're willing to give us the Donatello Triplets if we put your new boyfriend in the show.
Blanche: That's blackmail.
Sophia: That's show business.

Quote from Rose

Rose: I'm serious. Bob Hope is my father. Well, sort of. I mean, he could be, maybe.
Dorothy: Rose, what the hell are you talking about?
Rose: There's something I've never told you girls. I spent the first eight years of my life at the St. Olaf orphanage. Gunther and Alma Nylund are my adoptive parents.
Blanche: How come you never told us about this before?
Rose: Oh, I loved my parents so much, I really never think about it. But I sure did before I became their daughter. When I was at the orphanage, I used to daydream all the time that my real parents would knock on the door and take me away. So, like most of the kids there, I started fantasizing about who they might be. I had a particularly clear picture in my head of my father. Anyway, one day, they took us all to the movies, and when Bob Hope came on the screen, I stood up and yelled, "My God, that's my father! That's him!"
Blanche: Rose, honey, you don't still actually believe that?
Rose: Believing that got me through some very rough times, Blanche. I mean, whenever I had a problem I couldn't solve, I'd just write Bob Hope a letter or go to one of his movies, and suddenly I was able to work it all out. All my life, I always felt he was there if I needed him. That's why I know he won't let me down now.
Dorothy: I don't know whether to cry or commit you.
Rose: You just leave it to me. I know in my heart he'll be here.
Dorothy: Rose, just so I get this straight, you never actually met Bob Hope?
Rose: No. But I'm sure looking forward to it.

Quote from Blanche

Frieda: I heard that ticket sales are not going very well, I heard you have not been able to find any good talent and I heard that Kent Ferguson has canceled and we don't have an MC for the show.
Blanche: Yeah? Well, I heard you've been sleeping with the Japanese guy who blows the leaves out of your driveway!

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: How'd it go, Dorothy?
Dorothy: Awful. When I told everyone at the club that Bob Hope wasn't going to be in the show, they actually booed me. I've never been so humiliated in my entire life.
Sophia: Aw, come on. You've been humiliated plenty. Remember when you tried out for cheerleading in high school?
Dorothy: Ma, why do you constantly look for ways to amuse yourself at my expense?
Sophia: Because we don't have cable, and I can't crochet. This is who I am, Dorothy. Learn to live with it or medicate me.

Quote from Rose

Rose: You don't have to go through all that trouble. He'll be at the show. What you need is faith.
Dorothy: And what you need is a psychiatrist who enjoys a challenge.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Look, you two stay here. I'm gonna check out the rest of the locker room. I'll start with the Jacuzzi.
Dorothy: You don't know where the Jacuzzi is.
Blanche: Yeah, it's just down the hall, second door- I'll ask somebody.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Rose, Rose, I have known you for over five years. In that time, I have heard the most bizarre stories I have ever heard in my entire life. There was Clovis the two-headed mule who skied backwards on buttermilk.
Rose: It was cottage cheese.
Dorothy: The point is, Rose, this Bob Hope story is odd, even for you.

Quote from Rose

Blanche: Bob Hope's gone. We just missed him.
Dorothy: Oh, what?
Blanche: I saw him getting into a limousine and driving away. They said he's going to the airport.
Rose: That can't be. The show is tomorrow tonight. He wouldn't leave before that. He knows I'm depending on him. There must be some other explanation. Maybe- Maybe I'm just a foolish old woman who's lived a silly fantasy her whole life.

Quote from Rose

Rose: Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Rose Nylund, and I'm responsible for what's happened here tonight.
Uh Because of a silly childish dream, I let you all down. I had this crazy idea that I had a special connection to a very special person, and that's why on all your programs it says that the guest celebrity for tonight's show is...
Alfonso: Presto!
Rose: Bob Hope! [applause]
Bob Hope: Hey, I know this show is for charity, but that's the smallest dressing room I've ever had in my life.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Oh, my God, you're really Mr. Bob Hope. Being this close to you is the biggest thrill of my life.
Bob Hope: If you were any closer, there wouldn't be room for my car keys.

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: Mr. Hope, could we impose upon you to entertain for a few minutes?
Bob Hope: Will I entertain? I didn't put this makeup on to go bowling.
Dorothy: Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Bob Hope! [applause]
Bob Hope: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Did you hear Did you hear that Ronald Reagan has just moved back to Hollywood? That's just what Hollywood needs, another unemployed actor. [laughter] Do you know Reagan left office with the highest popularity rating since FDR? He was more popular than Tammy Bakker at a Maybelline convention. [laughter]
Dorothy: I can't believe it. How on earth did he get here?
Sophia: You know how Alfonso kept talking about his old vaudeville partner? It turns out it was Bob Hope. Isn't that a kick?
Bob Hope: You know, since Ron and Nancy moved back to California, we've had earthquakes almost every day. Do you think God could be a Democrat? [applause] But earthquakes don't bother the president. If Sam Donaldson couldn't shake him up, nothin' will. [laughter]

Quote from Rose

Blanche: Oh, Rose, I think we owe you an apology, honey. You were right after all.
Rose: Oh, you don't owe me any apology. This was a lucky coincidence. I'm just glad it all worked out. Boy, but I have learned one lesson, no more silly daydreams for me.
Bob Hope: Now, Nancy Reagan has mixed feelings about moving back to California. She's afraid her husband might not have as much free time to spend with her anymore.
Rose: Thanks, Dad.

Quote from Dorothy

Blanche: Dorothy, I have terrible news. We don't have an MC for the talent show. Kent Ferguson, the KTMB weatherman, has just dropped out.
Dorothy: Oh, you have to be kidding. What happened?
Blanche: He's filling in for Willard Scott on the Today show. It seems Willard ate some bad scallops on the air that he got through the mail. He wandered over to the critics' corner and lost his cookies on Gene Shalit. Gene thought it was because Willard disagreed with his review of The Accidental Tourist. Willard apologized and left the studio. Officially, they're saying he's "on assignment."
Dorothy: Well, at least some good came of it. I mean, it's about time someone threw up on Gene Shalit.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: All my keys are bent.
Sophia: Don't just stand there. Applaud the man.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: This is ridiculous. This is never gonna work.
Blanche: Listen, the caddy said Mr. Hope just finished his round of golf. He's gotta be in here somewhere.
Dorothy: What if he is? He's not about to do a favor for three people who look like Sam Snead with a hormone problem.


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