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‘Two Rode Together’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: Two Rode Together

416. Two Rode Together

Aired February 18, 1989

After another one of Sophia's friends dies, Dorothy begins to feel that she isn't making the most of the time she's got left with her mother. Meanwhile, Blanche and Rose team up to make a children's book based on St. Olaf fable.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: I was talking to Edith's daughter after the funeral. She'd flown in from San Francisco. She kept telling me how bad she felt that she hadn't seen her mother in over a year.
Rose: Well, it's hard to stay close to someone when they live clear across the country.
Dorothy: Well, I live in the same house with my mother, yet we spend little quality time together. You know, sometimes we'll be watching TV and I start wondering how many more times I have left like that. And I find myself staring at her, like I'm trying to freeze her face in my memory. Like I never want to forget one single line or wrinkle. Suddenly she'll say, "Why are you staring at me? I've been wanting to pick my nose for the past half hour."

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Quote from Rose

Rose: I heard a fable when I was a little girl in St. Olaf that might help. Can I tell you?
Dorothy: That's right, Rose. Wait till my defenses are down and take advantage of me.
Rose: Okey-dokey. Once upon a time in the magical land of Flafluevenhaven lived Toonder, the mediocre tiger.
He was called mediocre because there was nothing special about him. He wasn't talented, he wasn't smart, he wasn't rich, he wasn't handsome. He wasn't good at anything.
Dorothy: If he also wore a bad toupee, she could be describing my Stanley.
Rose: Anyway, it made Toonder's wife miserable that her husband was best known for being mediocre.
Blanche: I understand Marilyn Quayle feels the same way.
Rose: So she asked her fairy godmother to grant Toonder the ability to perform incredible feats of magic, and her wish was granted. Toonder the Mediocre became Toonder the Magnificent.
Blanche: I guess he didn't want to change the monograms on his towels, hmm?
Rose: Well, Toonder the tiger spent so much time performing that he didn't have enough time to spend with his wife. Well, she told him that she missed the time they had together when he was just mediocre, so Toonder used his magic only once more, and that was to make his powers disappear.
Blanche: And they lived happily ever after?
Rose: No, actually she got bored and ran off with Wiseblat the weasel. That was Toonder's old business manager. But they lived happily ever after.
Blanche: What happened to Toonder?
Dorothy: Oh, who cares, Blanche? Hey, once you hear "happily ever after," it's over.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, we're going away for the weekend, just the two of us. So pack your bags, we're off to a cabin in the Keys.
Sophia: Wait a minute, Dorothy, you pulled this one on me once before. Remember Shady Pines Retirement Village? She told me we were going to a resort. We pull up to this place that looks like the Bates Motel and two goons in white coats drag me inside. And for the next year and a half, I'm forced to make lanyards against my will.
Dorothy: Ma, you know that's not how it was.
Sophia: You're right. Sometimes they forced me to make moccasins. No thanks. Not again.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, you've been in there for 20 minutes. Now, what are you doing?
Sophia: Painting a fresco on the ceiling. It's a bathroom. What do you think I'm doing?

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Oh, Ma, look. Here's you holding me when I was a baby. Do you remember what was going through your mind then?
Sophia: Oh, yeah. I'll never forget that summer day in 1932. I was thinking, "Boy, am I blessed to have such a precious baby in my life."
Dorothy: Oh, Ma, that's beautiful. Things are going just great. Oh, look at this. You're holding my hand while I'm skating. What were you thinking then?
Sophia: I'll never forget that winter day in 1934. I was thinking, "Boy, am I blessed to have such a precious two-year-old in my life."
Dorothy: Oh, look. Here's one of us on a bicycle built for two.
Sophia: I'll never forget that spring day in 1940, I was...
Dorothy: Ma, you're making this up.
Sophia: Of course I am. How the hell should I remember what I was thinking back then? I still look for Ed Sullivan on Sunday nights. The scary part is sometimes I find him.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Oh, Pop was sure a lousy photographer. Who is that?
Sophia: Uncle Vittorio.
Dorothy: His head's cut off. How can you tell?
Sophia: Because that's exactly how he looked in the morgue after he turned state's evidence against Benny the Blade.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Quality time has to come naturally. It happens when you're not thinking about it. Like when we're cutting vegetables together. That's quality time.
Dorothy: I was hoping for something a little more magical than that.
Sophia: Let me tell you a little story. When I was a kid in Sicily, I loved lightning bugs. I'd stand out in the field and watch them light up the night sky. That was magical. That was spectacular. I tell you, I saw a thousand points of light. It was a kinder, gentler America. I turned to my wife, Barbara, and I said-
Dorothy: Ma, what the hell are you talking about?
Sophia: Oh. Sorry, I must have lapsed into George Bush's inauguration speech. Where was I?
Dorothy: Lightning bugs.
Sophia: Right. I liked them so much, I'd catch them in glass jars so I could watch them light up whenever I wanted, but they always died.
Dorothy: I see what you mean. They needed their freedom.
Sophia: No, they needed their air. I always forgot to punch holes in the lid. The point is it's the same with all magical moments. You can't capture them forever, no matter what Kodak tells you.
Dorothy: So what you're saying, Ma, is that, like a lightning bug, I put you in a glass jar and, waiting for you to light up, I nearly suffocated you.
Sophia: Jeez, Dorothy, you sure know how to beat a metaphor to death.

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: Why are you both wearing black? Did you just come from a funeral?
Dorothy: No, Rose. We were singing backup for Johnny Cash. Of course we were at a funeral.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: Who died?
Sophia: My best friend, Edith Flannery.
Rose: I thought Mildred Feinberg was your best friend.
Sophia: She was, but we've grown apart. I think her death had something to do with it. I really thought Edith would be around longer. She was only 88-years-old and in perfect health. Then one night, bingo, she closes her eyes and she's gone.
Blanche: She died in her sleep.
Sophia: What are you, deaf? I said she died playing bingo. Well, I guess Phyllis Glockman will be my new best friend.
Dorothy: Ma, I thought you hated Phyllis Glockman.
Sophia: I do, but the rate my friends are going, I won't have to spend much time with her.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Well, Dorothy, I live by one simple rule. Share your love with people today 'cause they may be gone tomorrow.
Dorothy: That's a beautiful sentiment, Blanche.
Blanche: Comes from dating a lot of traveling salesmen.

Quote from Rose

Rose: Oh, girls, don't forget to pick me up one of those hats with ears.
Dorothy: We won't forget, Rose.
Rose: It's not for me, it's for one of the girls in my Sunshine Cadet troop.
Dorothy: Yeah, we know, Rose.
Rose: I mean, I'm too old for that silly stuff but the girls love it.
Dorothy: Right, Rose.
Sophia: You want R-O-S-E sewn on the back?
Rose: If it's not too much trouble.

Quote from Rose

Rose: What are you doing?
Blanche: Oh, just doodling. What do you think?
Rose: Let's see. Oh, it's a tiger. With multicolored stripes, wearing a tuxedo, a top hat, and holding a magic wand. Oh, my gosh, it's Toonder the magnificent tiger.
Blanche: Yes. I've been thinking about him ever since you told us that fable. You know how it is when you just can't get something out of your head?
Rose: Oh, yeah, water's the worst. That's why I always wear earplugs when I shampoo.

Quote from Rose

Blanche: Listen, Rose, I've come up with an idea. With your stories and my illustrations, we just might have a bestseller here. What do you say to us teaming up and writing a kids' storybook together?
Rose: Oh, Blanche, that's a terrific idea. When my children were small, I bought those illustrated storybooks all the time.
Blanche: And I bet your kids loved them.
Rose: Nah, they had their own books.

Quote from Dorothy

Sophia: What are you writing?
Dorothy: Oh, nothing.
Sophia: What do you mean nothing? What is that?
Dorothy: Well, Ma, you have such a great sense of humor. And I can never remember all the funny things you say, so I've decided to keep a journal.
Sophia: Journal? Who the hell are you? Bill Moyers?
Dorothy: That is classic. "Bill Moyers."

Quote from Blanche

Rose: This book is really coming along.
Blanche: Yeah, and you can chalk it all up to synergism.
Rose: Yeah, synergism. What would we ever do without it? Good old synergism.
Blanche: You have no idea what it means, do you?
Rose: Not a clue.
Blanche: Synergism is the powerful energy that is generated by two people engaged in the same activity. Up till now, I had no idea it could occur outside a Howard Johnson's motor lodge.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Who'd have thought it would rain for 24 hours straight? Red sixes. ... Does this look like a game of solitaire? It's your turn.
Dorothy: I'm sorry, Ma. I was trying to remember when was the last time I said I love you.
Sophia: After lunch, when I said you had grilled cheese stuck to your chin.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, you're really making this difficult for me.You know I'm not great when it comes to dealing with emotions. Whenever someone starts talking about their deepest feelings, I usually get uncomfortable and tune out. I don't know why. Where do you think it comes from, Ma?
Sophia: Huh? Oh, sorry, Dorothy. My corn pad slipped. You were saying?

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, where are you going?
Sophia: Someplace where there are no pictures, no slides, and no walks down memory lane.
Dorothy: I'll come with you.
Sophia: What? Are we nuns? We don't have to travel in pairs. I'm outta here.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Hey, Sam. What's that you're playing?
Sam: Oh, just a little something.
Sophia: Stop it. You know what I want to hear.
Sam: No, I don't.
Sophia: You played it for her. You can play it for me.
Sam: But I don't think that I-
Sophia: If she can stand it, so can I. Now play.
Sam: OK. You're the boss. [playing piano and singing] It's a world of laughter It's a world of tears It's a world of hopes And a world of fears There's so much that we share That it's time we're aware It's a small world after all...
Dorothy: Ma.
Sophia: Of all the saloons and gin joints in the world, she had to walk into mine.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, I've been looking everywhere for you. We really need to talk. Ma, why are you trying so hard to ruin my weekend?
Sophia: You don't get it, do you? This weekend could've been a lot of fun, until you decided we were gonna have "quality time">
Dorothy: Is that so horrible? Ma, all I wanted to do was have us finish unfinished business and say things to each other that we never said before.
Sophia: Dorothy, this isn't On Golden Pond.
Dorothy: I know, Ma.
Sophia: And you're not Jane Fonda.
Dorothy: All right. You made your point.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, I love you.
Sophia: I love you too, pussycat. As long as you promise you'll never make me do this for the rest of my life.
Dorothy: OK. Only if you promise you'll live forever.
Sophia: OK, I promise.
Dorothy: How can you make a promise like that?
Sophia: Hey, if I don't come through, what are you gonna do to me?

Quote from Rose

Blanche: Anyway, the important thing is to stay partners and finish our book.
Rose: Forget it. There isn't gonna be any book.
Blanche: Now what are you saying?
Rose: Did I just lapse into Swedish? Read it and weep.
Blanche: "Tales of Toonder the Tiger and His Friends, by Hans Christian Lockerhueven." Well, who's Hans Christian Lockerhueven?
Rose: Only St. Olaf's greatest author. He wrote the classic fairy tale, "Hansel and Hansel."
Blanche: You told me your parents made up these stories.
Rose: I thought they did, but when I called my sister for more stories, she suggested I pick up the book that Mom and Dad got them from.
Blanche: This is great. We've been writing stories that have already been written.
Rose: Well, if it's any consolation, they do it all the time on Mr. Belvedere.


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