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‘Clinton Avenue Memoirs’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: Clinton Avenue Memoirs

516. Clinton Avenue Memoirs

Aired February 3, 1990

When Sophia's memory starts fading, Dorothy takes her on a trip back to the old house in Brooklyn. Meanwhile, Rose regrets asking Blanche to work for her.

Quote from Blanche

Rose: I should've known this was gonna happen. You should never work with friends. You're fired.
Blanche: You can't fire me. That's against the law. That's sex discrimination.
Rose: Oh. Well, I'll give you one more chance. Wait a minute! How is it sex discrimination?
Blanche: Well, that's what I was doing this afternoon when I didn't get this work done.

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Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: OK, Ma, if this is what you really want to do...
Sophia: It's not what I want to do, it's what I have to do. Dorothy, today is my anniversary, and I barely remember getting married. You know, I hate getting old. You always seem to be losing something. First it's your eyesight. Then people are telling you to turn down the TV set when you can barely hear it. And you could live with that. But this? They're trying to take something from me that I just won't give. I can't let this happen, Dorothy. I can't lose my Sal. Not again.

Quote from Blanche

Rose: When are you gonna get the survey done?
Blanche: Rose, let me explain something. Now, in this world, there are two kinds of people. One is an industrious, hardworking, give 100%, pain-in-the-butt-to-everybody-else go-getter. I am not one of those people.

Quote from Blanche

Sophia: Oh, lucky me, I can remember from now on. My whole past is gone! I could have slept with JFK and don't even know it!
Dorothy: Ma, I don't think so. You're not mentioned in any of the books.
Blanche: Well, that doesn't necessarily mean anything.

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: Ma, come on, now. He also said that there are things that you can do that might bring back some of what you've lost. I mean, we could talk about the good old days, reminisce with old friends. Honey, you have to look on the bright side.
Sophia: I've had a lifetime of bright sides. I'll just have to learn to do without them.
Dorothy: Oh, dammit. I hate watching what this is doing to her.
Blanche: I hate watching what it's doing to you.
Rose: I hate watching those FBI warnings at the beginning of video rentals.

Quote from Sophia

Salvadore: Sophia, I see from upstairs you've kind of lost your spunk. What's the matter?
Sophia: I'm slipping, Sal, and it's frightening. I'm even forgetting you, forgetting the good old days.
Salvadore: And what, I'm supposed to feel sorry for you?
Sophia: That'd be a start!
Salvadore: Nah, the Sophia I know is a survivor. That's why we got married. You beat out a lot of other women.
Sophia: Oh, yeah, there was a helluva long line waiting to get to you, Sal! What's the name of that girl with the warts?
Salvadore: You see? Some things you do remember.
Sophia: Yeah, but only some things. I'm 83, Sal. I don't have the energy for this.
Salvadore: You have lost your spunk. You know, maybe I don't find you so attractive anymore.
Sophia: What?!
Salvadore: You're not the same Sophia. I wonder how Gladys and Charlemagne are doing. Sure, the guy rewrote history, but can he juggle?
Sophia: Salvadore Petrillo, you miserable baciagaloop! If you so much as look at another ghost-
Salvadore: See? There's the spunk. It's still there. But use it for yourself, not on me.
Sophia: You think I can be OK?
Salvadore: If I didn't, would I have made the trip?
Sophia: I miss you, Sally.
Salvadore: Hey, I'm always with you. And when the time's right, see you at my place.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma. Ma, Mr. Hernandez has to go.
Man: [opens closet door] I'm meeting the wife and kids. We are going ice-skating.
Sophia: Dorothy! Oh, my God! Can you believe it?
Man: Hey, Puerto Ricans can ice-skate! Jeez!
Sophia: Dorothy! Dorothy, look! It's the carving. See? "Sal loves Sophia."
Dorothy: Oh, Ma!
Man: You're Sophia?
Sophia: That's right. And I remembered. I mixed up the rooms, but I remembered. Of course. I thought the carving was in the kitchen. Sal used to hang his salamis in here. Dorothy, I may be fading, but I'm still holding on to some of the big things.
Dorothy: Yeah, and you might get more back.
Sophia: "Might"? I insist! All I need is a little more spunk. Imagine finding that carving in here! Kitchen, bedroom, I knew it was a room I was good in!

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Woe is me. Woe, O, woe is me!
Dorothy: Problem, Blanche?
Blanche: Yes. It's my hair. It has split ends, it's dull and listless, it makes my face look...
Dorothy: Its age?
Blanche: If you're gonna make fun of somebody, make fun of Rose.

Quote from Rose

Blanche: I need the professional care of the most talented hairdresser in Miami, [French pronunciation] Robert. Oh, he's brilliant. Do you know he was the first one ever to use mousse?
Rose: I'd check my facts if I were you, Blanche. Mr. Ingrid of St. Olaf has been using moose ever since I can remember. Of course, it's his own professional secret which part of the moose he uses. But it'll keep your hair in place in winds up to 130 miles an hour.
Blanche: I just don't believe you, Rose!
Rose: Ask Conway Twitty.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Oh, Dorothy, can you drive me to the mall Friday night? They're giving free blood pressure tests, and some of the girls and I have a high-low bet.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: It's Ma. She's becoming more forgetful. And she denies it and she gets mad.
Rose: How bad is it?
Dorothy: Bad. It's not just a matter of small things anymore. I can't believe she forgot this dinner. I mean, every year since my father died, I've been taking her out to dinner on her wedding anniversary, because she's lonely.
Blanche: Maybe you'd better talk to her doctor about this.
Dorothy: You're right, Blanche. I guess I've just been hoping that things would improve by themselves. You know, I never thought Ma would lose her memory. Of course, I never thought Alan Alda would get on my nerves.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Ah, look! The Jersey shore, summer 1939.
Sophia: Pop sure loved playing with you kids. Why do I look so upset?
Dorothy: Oh, Ma, don't you remember? Pop was a big fan of Jean Harlow's back then. You hated it when he made sand breasts in front of the children. [chuckles] He was really some character. Oh, look at us.
Sophia: Oh, boy, your father sure looked stupid.
Dorothy: Stupid? Ma, this was one of your favorite pictures. Oh, Pop looks so proud.
Sophia: The idiot's dressed like an organ grinder.
Dorothy: Yes. Yes, he is. Remember, we had no money, and he refused to go on assistance. He vowed that he would take any job to feed his family. And we had meat on the table every night. I don't know he did it on 10 cents a day. Where's the monkey?

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Oh, look, there you are, stirring sauce.
Sophia: Ah, my old kitchen.
Dorothy: Yeah. And there are the potholders Grandma made, your pasta maker. Ah, the pantry. Remember what Pop kept behind the pantry door?
Sophia: Yeah, he carved a giant heart there that said "Sal loves Sophia."
Dorothy: No, Ma, it was our height measurements. He kept track of them on the back of the pantry door.
Sophia: Dorothy, that was my kitchen, that was my Sal, and he put the heart there because he loved me. That I remember!

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Listen, Ma why don't we talk to your doctor and see what he has to say, hmm?
Sophia: Yeah, well maybe. I don't remember half these photos. I don't remember Brooklyn. I don't even remember you going off to your senior prom.
Dorothy: Ma, I never went to my senior prom.
Sophia: Actually, I did remember that, but why should I be the only one here to feel like crap?

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: [on the phone] Oh, hello, sir. I am conducting a phone survey regarding healthcare for the elderly. May I ask your age? Well, that's not so old! And what's your general health? That's good. What would you say is your annual income? Oh, that's very good! Marital status? Oh, I am sorry. How long? Three weeks! I'd say it was time you were getting on with your life, honey.
Rose: Thank you very much. Blanche, marital status is not a question on the survey.
Blanche: Well, I'm sorry, Rose, but I ask a man 20 questions, you can bet your life one of 'em's gonna be, "Are you married?"

Quote from Sophia

Rose: How's Sophia?
Dorothy: I don't know. Today's her anniversary. She won't come out of her room. I've never seen her like this. She is really depressed.
Sophia: [upbeat] Adios! Everybody wave goodbye! I'm off to Brooklyn!
Blanche: Honey, what are you doing?
Sophia: I'm going back to the old neighborhood. The doctor said it would help if I stirred up some memories.
Dorothy: Ma, you can't go back there alone!
Sophia: No kidding. I'm 83. I walk to the driveway, it's a coin toss whether I get back. You're coming with me.
Dorothy: I am?
Sophia: What the hell? You paid! Look, I can deal with losing some of my memory. If I didn't have to remember what's-her-name over here, I wouldn't care. [Rose looks behind her] But Sal was the most important person in my life, and scrapbooks aren't doing the trick.

Quote from Dorothy

Sophia: Dorothy, look. My old wallpaper. Oh, God, it feels the same. And that big old window I used to look out of.
Dorothy: Oh, Ma, I remember when I was a little girl playing out in the street. I can still hear your voice. "Dorothy, fix your dress, the whole neighborhood can see your business."
Sophia: Sounds like me.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Pop sure taught me a lot about sibling rivalry that day. When we got home I went right over to the baby and said, "I love you, Phil." No, wait. I wrote it on him.

Quote from Rose

Blanche: After I looked through the paperwork, I realized how expensive healthcare is for the elderly. You know, some folks have lost their life savings. I mean, people ought to write their congressman or something. In fact, I am so touched, when you cut my check, don't make it out to me.
Rose: That's beautiful, Blanche.
Blanche: Make it out to "Hair by Robert." Well, I'm not gonna declare it as income and let those lazy congressmen have my tax dollars!
Rose: Blanche, I don't wanna do that.
Blanche: Oh. Well, all right, just pay me under the table.
Rose: Oh, sure! I know that trick. Dorothy's done that to me before. I go under the table and you never show up. No way!

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Boy, this room is sure alive with memories.
Sophia: Those were good days. I think I'll go up to the bedroom. Sal and I spent our most intimate moments there.
Dorothy: Ma. Ma, is there anything I can do for you?
Sophia: Yeah, stay out. You barged in on me enough when you were a kid.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Sally, what's going on? What's wrong with me?
Salvadore: You think you got problems? Try being dead. Heh heh.
Sophia: Sal! What the hell are you doing here?
Salvadore: Eh, relax. I'm not really here. I'm just a Fig Newton of your imagination.
Sophia: Oh, Sal, it's been so long, I've forgotten how much you used to like Norm Crosby.


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