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‘Great Expectations’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: Great Expectations

514. Great Expectations

Aired January 13, 1990

Blanche refuses to get too close to her boyfriend, even after he suffers a heart attack. Meanwhile, Rose joins a self-help group.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Picture it. Sicily, 1912. A beautiful, young peasant girl with clear, olive skin meets an exciting but penniless Spanish artist. There's an instant attraction. They laugh, they sing. They slam down a few boilermakers. Shortly afterwards, he's arrested for showing her how he can hold his palette without using his hands. But I digress. He paints her portrait and they make passionate love. She spends much of the next day in the shower with a loofah sponge, scrubbing his fingerprints off her body. She sees the portrait and is insulted. It looks nothing like her. And she storms out of his life forever. That peasant girl was me and that painter was Pablo Picasso.
Dorothy: Ma, I have a feeling you're lying.
Rose: Be positive, Dorothy.
Dorothy: OK, I'm positive you're lying.

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Quote from Blanche

Blanche: I used to attract men who were young and active and virile, but now they just want to date girls in their 20s and 30s. What's a great-looking gal in her 40s to do?
Dorothy: Perhaps we should find one and ask her.

Quote from Rose

Rose: Dorothy, in times like these, you have to hold onto your faith, just like Hans Gluckenflunken, St. Olaf's greatest explorer.
Dorothy: Rose, please, let me have a little recovery time before you start a St. Olaf story.
Rose: You see, Hans Gluckenflunken set out for Florida to find the Fountain of Intelligence. Unfortunately, when he got to Duluth, he took a left instead of a right and he wound up back in St. Olaf. That's how he got his nickname, Wrong Way Gluckenflunken.
Dorothy: Rose, how is this a story about faith?
Rose: Well, when he got back, it was the dead of winter. Tired and hungry and but still clinging to his belief that he would find the Fountain of Intelligence, he saw the miracle water trickling out of the ground, and he fell to his knees and tasted it. Unfortunately, it was a broken sewer main. Two days later, he died of cholera.
Dorothy: What is the point, Rose?
Rose: He was positive he had found the Fountain of Intelligence. In fact, his dying words were, "I think I've learned something from this."

Quote from Rose

Rose: Hi, girls. What a great day. I feel so terrific. It's like life is a giant weenie roast and I'm the biggest weenie.
Sophia: No argument from this corner.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Oh, Dorothy, you always give me the best advice about men. Who says wisdom comes from experience?

Quote from Sophia

Rose: How about you, Sophia? Remember, today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Sophia: Terrific. If I'm lucky, I may live to be seven.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Oh, Rose, listen. I'm not going to the meeting tonight.
Rose: How come?
Dorothy: I'm not comfortable there. I'm not comfortable with the people. I'm not comfortable with the whole thing.
Rose: But you need the group's support, Dorothy. It's not a good idea to go it alone. Did I ever tell you about my cousin Vigdor Fricken? He tried to go it alone in a three-legged race. Well, you know what happened to him?
Dorothy: Please. Please, Rose. I don't want to hear about your frickin' cousin.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Oh, Dorothy, by any chance, did you borrow my pearl-handled six-shooter?
Dorothy: Blanche, you look ridiculous.
Blanche: Well, I do not. I'm a cowgirl. Yippee-aye-oh K-Y.
Dorothy: Ki-yay.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: Have you seen my gun?
Dorothy: No.
Blanche: Damn!
Blanche: What's the point in wearing this if I've got nothing to put in it?
Sophia: I say the same thing every morning when I put on my bra.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: [answering phone] Hello. Morty. Threw your back out putting your boots on? You're in traction? Oh, I guess this means you're gonna be a little late? Oh, all right. [hangs up] Well, can you believe that? Because of one little slipped disc, Morty is not taking me to the barbecue.
Dorothy: What a shame. You'll miss the foot-stomping version of "Sunrise, Sunset."
Blanche: You know, this kind of thing has been happening to me a lot lately. I think it's because I'm going out with men who are too old for me. In the last year my average date has been over 60, bald, covered in liver spots and wears a truss.
Sophia: Sounds good to me.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Where's Blanche?
Dorothy: She said to save her a seat. She saw a man smiling at her out in the hall.
Sophia: Everybody's smiling here. I haven't seen so many goofy smiles since the great denture swap at Shady Pines.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Ma, I hate to admit it, but there may be something to Rose's positive-thinking course. Last night I decided to write down all the negative thoughts that come into my head, and Ma, I cannot believe how many there are. I mean, just listen to this, right here on page 187: "The faucet is dripping. I know it's gonna keep me up all night. Then I'll be tired for my crummy job tomorrow. Life is a swirling eddy of despair." I mean, I can't believe that something as insignificant as a leaky faucet could bring all these bad thoughts about myself.
Sophia: It's a very serious thing, Dorothy.
Dorothy: Ma, what can I do about it?
Sophia: Try changing the washer.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: It's nice that you two have worked out your differences.
Blanche: I think the problem with him before was that he was on the rebound from Karen, but now that he's gotten over her, he's all mine, and I think we appreciate each other more. Everything old and familiar has become new and exciting.
Dorothy: That's nice. Maybe I should look up one of my old flames.
Sophia: Yeah, but not Stan. The other one.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: I have some incredible news!
Sophia: You've been traded to the Rams?
Dorothy: Do you know that nasty butcher down at the deli?
Rose: The little guy with four fingers?
Dorothy: That's him. I don't know, but every time I order roast beef, he cheats me. I don't know how he does it. I stand and watch as he slices a big, juicy roast beef, but when I get home, I find these crummy, little, hard pieces, you know, from the end? Anyway, today I went in with a positive attitude. I told myself, "This man is my friend and I know he is going to give me a good cut of meat." Look.
Rose: It's a miracle!
Sophia: Oh, great. Pilgrims are gonna be showing up to kiss Dorothy's luncheon meat.

Quote from Rose

Rose: Well, Blanche, if something bad happened to somebody I care about, I'd be over in a shot.
Blanche: Well, I do care about him. I just have some things I have to do.
Dorothy: Like what?
Blanche: Look, I'm trying to keep this relationship casual. If I go to that hospital, I'm in and there's no getting out.
Rose: Don't be silly. All you do is follow the orange line down the middle of the hallways. They lead right to the elevators.

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: Oh, Blanche, is everything all right?
Blanche: Steven's back with his old girlfriend.
Rose: Are you OK?
Blanche: Oh, yeah. I'm fine. I guess I learned a little bit about missed opportunities and how sometimes you have to take chances. But all is not lost. I met a new man in the next bed. He's recently broken up with his wife, and the good news is he has the heart of a 25-year-old.
Dorothy: Hey, that's great.
Blanche: Yeah. As long as his body doesn't reject it.


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