Rose: What do you want, Myra?
Myra: I just came here to tell you I'm not gonna bother you anymore. You can have Ray. But you should know you're not the only young blonde bimbo in his life.
Rose: I don't want your husband. I never did.
Myra: I understand that now. I think I was just afraid of starting all over at my age. My daughter's checking me in to a lovely retirement home called Shady Pines.
Sophia: That's great. Come out to the lanai, I'll give you the lowdown on Shady Pines. You know, who does what for cigarettes.

Rose: If it's any consolation, Dorothy, I think what there was of your wedding was very beautiful. And the album won't be as bad as you think. I mean, the photographer got some great shots of your friends leaving with their gifts.

Truby: Well, I finished unpacking. It's hard to get a life full of fun into a substitute teacher's closet.
Blanche: Truby, honey, we have to talk. I know you signed a lease, but, well, considering Dorothy's tragic misfortune.
Truby: I know, I know, but could I just stay a couple of days? I can't stand another minute in a hotel.
Blanche: I know what you mean. If I have to come up with one more fake name.

Sophia: Dorothy, I guess we're sleeping together tonight.
Dorothy: Ma, I have a better idea. In my suitcase there are two tickets to Aruba. I think Stan owes us a little vacation, don't you?
Sophia: Aruba! I love Aruba. Where's Aruba?
Dorothy: Come on, Ma. Get goin'. We have a plane to catch.
Blanche: Oh, I've got the very things for you to take with ya. Here, let me get that.
Dorothy: Ugh! God, this has always been my worst nightmare.
Truby: A wedding falling apart at the last minute?
Dorothy: No, going on a honeymoon with my mother.

Dorothy: Oh, by the way, I want to thank you for not saying, "I told you so."
Sophia: When you're as right as I am, you don't have to say it.

Blanche: That is exactly the kind of thing I don't want you to say this afternoon when we're interviewing new roommates. Oh, God, it'd be so much easier if she didn't have to meet you people.

Rose: Oh, Dorothy, push the doorbell.
Dorothy: The door's open.
Rose: I know, but push it anyway. [doorbell rings, dogs barking]
Dorothy: This is really amazing, Rose. The other day I was thinking: "Why doesn't our doorbell bark?"
Rose: It's probably because we didn't have a "Bark Bell." I got it to keep Myra away.
Dorothy: You really think this is gonna work?
Rose: Oh, yeah, look at the box. See how the burglar's running away from the house?
Dorothy: And he's saying "Yikes!"

Dorothy: Oh, here, honey. This is for you.
Rose: I'm afraid to open it. What if it's from Myra?
Dorothy: Oh, come on, Rose.
Rose: What if it's got a deadly black spider in it that's gonna leap out and bite me the minute I open it?
Dorothy: [jumps up and down on the envelope] There you are.
Rose: You're wise. You're just wise.

Sophia: The dogs are on my tail again! Run through the river!
Dorothy: Ma, Ma, we've just put in a new bell. It's to scare people.
Sophia: It'll never work.

Stan: "And most of all, I vow that my marriage to my beloved Dorothy will la-"
Sophia: Stop! As God as my witness and in front of this entire congregation, I call an end to this wedding here and now.
Blanche: Sophia, this is only the rehearsal.
Sophia: It is? Pretend you didn't hear that. I'll see you tomorrow.