Blanche: I really do wanna help you, if I can.
Rose: Yeah, we're not monsters. We promise not to laugh.
Sophia: [repressing laughter] Right.
Dorothy: Well, all right, I want you to go out with my blind date tonight because I have other plans. Thank you.
Rose, Sophia & Blanche: [singing Camptown Races]

Dorothy: Look, Blanche, are you gonna do this or not? Because my date is on his way over, and I just won a ticket on the radio to a dinner theater Beatlemania. Shut up, Ma.
Rose: Beatlemania? You're giving up a date for Beatlemania?
Dorothy: Oh, Rose, the Beatles were the first and only rock-and-roll group that I ever really loved. When they came to Shea Stadium, I managed to get a ticket, but one of my kids came down with the flu. It was one of those times when you have to pretend that you love your kids more than something you really wanna do.

Rose: Morning, Blanche. How was your date last night?
Blanche: Ha! How was my date last night? I woke up alone. That's how my date was last night. He didn't open my car door. He did not escort me into the restaurant, didn't pull out my chair, and then, when the check came, he made me pay half the bill! What did I ever do to deserve that?
Rose: Sounds to me like you put out before dinner again.

Blanche: Oh, I don't even know if I can say this. He won't touch me. Five dates and not even a kiss. Just when I finally meet somebody who can make me happy, just when I need it the most Oh, I can't believe I'm about to say this. Blanche Devereaux has lost her sex appeal. [exits]
Sophia: They're always the last to know.

Blanche: All right, but, honey, make it fast. Ten words or less.
Rose: All right, but your curiosity is gonna be so piqued, you'll beg for more.
Blanche: Just spit it out, Rose. When was it a man refused to sleep with you?
Rose: The time I was radioactive.
Blanche: How 'bout you, Sophia?
Sophia: Well, there was that time Warren Beatty passed up the chance to sleep with me.
Blanche: So, Rose, you say you were radioactive?

Jerry: Why'd you ask me to pick you up at a motel?
Blanche: They're having a cast party for Beatlemania at our house, and the last time I looked, Ringo was hanging over the toilet singing Help.

Jerry: I dated my high school sweetheart for years. We married right out of school, and we were both virgins on our wedding night.
Blanche: [laughs] I'm sorry. I thought you were makin' a funny.

Sophia: Don't you think I know what this is all about? It's about that British Invasion that's been going on in your bedroom.

Rose: Oh, Blanche, that was sweet of you.
Blanche: Well, Dorothy's a good friend. Besides, who knows? Maybe this guy will turn out to be cute. [all laugh]

Blanche: That's Dorothy. Really dodged a bullet, didn't you?