Sophia: [singing] When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie That's amore When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine That's amore
Dorothy: Ma, that's lovely.
Sophia: What?
Dorothy: Your singing.
Sophia: That was me? I was gonna ask you to turn off the radio.

Magda: Dorothy?
Dorothy: Cousin Magda!
Magda: Such a beautiful home! Who sleeps with government official?
Dorothy: That would be my friend Blanche.

Rose: This is terrible! I was raised to hate Communists. I remember in the early '50s when McCarthy came to St.
Olaf to speak in the town square. I was never so moved by a public speaker. Although some people thought he was a puppet for the right wing. No, wait. That was Charlie McCarthy.
Dorothy: I'd have put money on that.
Rose: But still, St. Olaf's town motto was "Better Ned than red." Ned was sort of the town idiot.
Sophia: When? On your days off?

Dorothy: You know something, Blanche? You're not the only one who ever had a problem with sisters. When I was a kid, I had a doll named Mrs. Doolittle. And Gloria was not supposed to-
Sophia: Do we have to listen to that damn Mrs. Doolittle story again? So your sister broke your doll. It was 50 years ago.
Dorothy: It was very traumatic. She was my favorite doll. I didn't talk to Gloria for months. But eventually, Blanche, I realized sisters are harder to replace than dolls. So we made up, and I vowed right then and there never ever to fight over something so childish and silly again. My favorite!
Rose: I have a sister story I think you'll find interesting.
Dorothy: She didn't just break it, she made it so the eyes would never close again. She made Mrs. Doolittle look like a morphine addict!

Magda: Now, I had very bad fight with my sister once.
Blanche: Oh, really? Tell us about it.
Magda: I turned her over to secret police.
Blanche: And?
Magda: And what? I turned her over to secret police. No more to tell.

Dorothy: And this is my mother, Sophia Petrillo.
Sophia: So you're Stan's cousin.
Magda: Please don't hold it against me.
Sophia: She's OK.

Dorothy: Tell me, where's Stan? Is he parking the car?
Magda: I take taxi. Stanley and I have disagreement.
Dorothy: Oh? What about?
Magda: He saw himself as human being. I disagreed. The man is pig! He charge me rent! His own cousin.
Dorothy: I can believe that.
Magda: His rates are reasonable, but the way he nickels and dimes you on the extras.
Dorothy: No, you're right. Stan is a lazy, disgusting, sorry excuse for a man.
Magda: Now I stay here with you.
Dorothy: On the other hand, I hear he's just got cable.

Dorothy: You can have my room, I'll sleep with Ma.
Sophia: Oh, good. At least now when I wake up in the middle of the night screaming I'll have a reason.

Charmaine: Maybe it's my imagination, but we seem to be getting along.
Blanche: I know! You just seem so refined, and vivacious, and charming. Boy, you've really changed.
Charmaine: Thank you, Blanche.

Charmaine: Now, don't forget. I'm gonna see you later at the book signing.
Blanche: Uh-huh. Maybe I can get a copy of your book there.
Charmaine: Well, it just so happens...
Blanche: Oh, is this it? Vixen: Story of a Woman. Ooh, catchy title!
Charmaine: Would you like me to sign it?
Blanche: Oh, sure! Oh, imagine! An autographed copy. Will this make it harder to exchange? Just kidding.