Blanche: Honey, is something wrong?
Rose: Well, it's Miles. Lately he's gotten I don't know, really tight, and I hate it.
Blanche: Oh? Well, I'm just the opposite. I love a tight man. Tight man with cast-iron pecs, thighs that could choke a bear, and a butt you could eat breakfast off of. Then the two of us would... Rose, when did you get in?
Rose: Blanche, I've been here the whole time. I was telling you about Miles being tight.
Blanche: Oh, I love a tight man. A tight man with cast-iron pecs, thighs...

Dorothy: Now listen, honey, while I'm gone, I'm putting you in charge of Ma.
Blanche: Me? Why Why me and not Rose?
Dorothy: Well, Rose couldn't keep our rock garden alive. What, I'm gonna give her my mother? Now look, as for instructions, Ma is to be fed twice a day. Walk her after her second meal. And don't give her anything liquid after 10:00.

Dorothy: But before I tell you about my weekend, I want to hear all about yours.
Sophia: You're looking at it. All I did was sit. Blanche was all over me like a cheap slut.
Rose: I think you mean suit.
Dorothy: Not necessarily.

Sophia: Hey, what is this? You're talking about me like I'm an animal. [sniffing Blanche] You've been with a man, haven't you?

Sophia: Oh, my God, this box is a treasure trove!
Blanche: I guess as long as you already have it out, let's just see what Dorothy's hidin' from us. Pictures and doo-dads. What's this? Huh. 1920. Well, Sophia, you wrote this. "Things I Want To Accomplish Before I Die."
Sophia: The list! The list! You've found my list! Oh, Blanche, read it to me. Those were my dreams, my goals.
Blanche: Number one, "Lose 200 pounds."
Sophia: Done it.
Blanche: Number two, "Never be burden to children in old age."
Sophia: Moving on.

Rose: You mean I can have another Diet Coke?
Mort: Of course you can, darlin'. [laughs] Why, she's even more charmin' than you said, Blanche. Matter of fact, waiter, bottle of your best champagne.
Rose: Did you hear that? Last time I had champagne, Miles and I crashed a bar mitzvah. By the way, Blanche, you have a large tuchus.
Blanche: That better mean bosom.

Blanche: Of course, on the other hand, she is off on a romantic cruise, so maybe he'll fall in love with her and she'll come home happy. I'm a dead woman.

Blanche: Angelo, please. Now, we have a real problem. Sophia is missing and you are my last hope. I've already tried calling Sicily's Department of Missing Persons. They just laughed at me.
Angelo: You called Missing Persons in Sicily? You got it wrong. You call them to lose somebody.

Rose: Oh, Miles, this is all my fault. I should be a person who's more accepting. I mean, it isn't like I'm Miss Perfect. I probably do all sorts of things that annoy you.
Miles: Oh, not really.
Rose: Go on. It would do us both a world of good to hear the things you'd change about me.
Miles: Nah, but, well, there is one thing, Rose.
Rose: Really?
Miles: Yeah. You hum, Rose.
Rose: I hum?
Miles: Softly, happily, incessantly. Rose, I come over in the morning, and you hum as you're cleaning the house. [humming]
Rose: It's free music, Miles. I'd think you'd like that.

Blanche: Three, "Make amends with Guido Spirelli." Who's Guido Spirelli?
Sophia: Guido Spirelli was my first husband in Sicily. It was an arranged marriage I had annulled. I left him a broken man. And I vowed one day I would make amends.
Blanche: You know, Sophia, finding this list was a sign. You must make things right with that man. Now, go to your room and write him a long letter. Make your words thorough, honey. Make them fearless. Don't stop till you have said everything. Take two or three days if you have to.
Sophia: Thank you, Blanche. You're a good friend.
Blanche: Oh, I just wish Sophia were my mother. Then I could put her in Shady Pines.