Miles: Hey, hi, Blanche. Rose?
Rose: Miles! What're you doing here?
Miles: Well, not that it matters, but I was on my way to the "theater of the living." I thought I'd pop in and purchase a couple of day-old eclairs. Which, incidentally, are for a dinner I'm making you next week. But the better question is, what- What are you doing here? And with these dandies, yet.
Barry: Dandies? Pretty tough words for somebody buying eclairs.

Miles: I was gonna take you to a lovely restaurant tomorrow night.
Rose: I know. Cap'n Sam's Twilight Two-For-One Special. "A nice piece of perch, your choice of potatoes or rice."
Miles: Oh, yeah. I see you conveniently left out "with a generous helping of 'slaw." Oh, or doesn't that serve your little smear campaign?

Blanche: Oh, Dorothy, three days on a romantic Caribbean cruise. I envy you.
Dorothy: Oh, come on, Blanche. It's no big deal. What is it? Three days at sea with a man. A man who's a doctor. A great big doctor in a tiny little room with me. You were saying?

Blanche: Uh, well, let's very quickly go over this checklist to see if you've packed everything you're gonna need for your fun, fun, fun in the sun. Nausea pills?
Dorothy: Took them.
Blanche: Okay. Seasick skin patch?
Dorothy: Wearing it.
Blanche: Okay. Those tiny little stop-you-up tablets that I got for my visit to Mexico?
Dorothy: The bottle was empty.
Sophia: Uh-oh.

Dorothy: Now, Ma, you're gonna do what Blanche tells you?
Sophia: Yeah.
Dorothy: You're not going to give her any trouble?
Sophia: No.
Dorothy: You're gonna be Blanche's little helper?
Sophia: Yes.
Dorothy: I love you.
Sophia: I love you, too. Goodbye, pussycat. [Dorothy exits] Fasten your seat belt, slut puppy. This ain't gonna be no cakewalk.

Miles: Mmm! What a meal, Rose. And what a deal, Rose. Uncle Cluck's, "Tastes Just Like Chicken" all-you-can-eat buffet.
Rose: You love your early bird specials.
Miles: You bet. Especially when they forget to collect the coupon. [laughs] Come on, Rose. Admit it. Wasn't it worth a trip to the bad part of town?
Rose: That guy almost got my purse, Miles!
Miles: Almost doesn't count, Rose. How about those Cajun drumsticks? Oh, I can still smell those Cajun drumsticks.
Rose: I'm not surprised, you put one in each pocket.
Miles: Oh, that's tomorrow's lunch, sweetheart.

Rose: No, tight with money. He's cheap.
Blanche: Oh, tight with money? Dump him.
Rose: Blanche, this is serious. And it's getting worse. Like last Friday, I asked him to take me someplace special. You know what he did? He snuck us into an AA meeting. "Theater of the living," he calls it, with free refreshments after.
Blanche: Well, you've always known Miles was frugal.
Rose: He's more than frugal. He's fricking frugal.
Blanche: Why, Rose!
Rose: It's a Scandinavian term. Honest.

Blanche: [clattering] Sophia, what's goin' on?
Sophia: Nothing. [clattering] Nothing! [clattering] Aha!
Blanche: Sophia? Sophia? Are you all right?
Sophia: I'm okay. I'm okay. But that antique chest of Dorothy's? She's not gonna like what you let me do to it.
Blanche: You just listen to what I'm tellin' you. You live under my roof, you live under my rules.
Sophia: Oh, live under this.
Blanche: Sophia, please. How am I supposed to keep you out of trouble? Why are you going through Dorothy's things?
Sophia: 'Cause I've already been through yours.

Rose: I can't cheat on Miles.
Blanche: Well, maybe cheat isn't quite the right word. Just think of it as one night out with my rich friends from Texas.
Rose: Well, why isn't that cheating?
Blanche: 'Cause you're not gonna get caught. Come on, Rose. Just think about it. A delicious dinner at an elegant restaurant. At night.
Rose: You mean no coupons, Blanche?
Blanche: No coupons, Rose.
Rose: Chefs who don't wear pirate hats?
Blanche: Oh, I don't think so.
Rose: And he'll pay for everything? I don't have to leave the tip?
Blanche: That's right.
Rose: [singsong] I'm gonna cheat on Miles. I'm gonna to cheat on Miles.

Blanche: Oh, boy, there's just nothin' like startin' out the day with a big pile of eggs and cinnamon toast. Oh, damn, almost forgot. The old lady's got to eat.
Rose: She isn't here.
Blanche: What?
Rose: She isn't here. She left. Last night. You didn't know?
Blanche: No, I did not know! What do you mean, "left"? Where'd she go?
Rose: Sicily. To square things with Guido.
Blanche: Sicily? What are you talkin' about, Sicily?
Rose: She said she cleared it with you.
Blanche: She did not clear it with me.
Rose: Then giving her my Visa card was a bad thing?