Rose: Sophia, why are you so obsessed with money?
Sophia: Because I wanna buy a TV for my bedroom.
Dorothy: Ma, we have a perfectly good TV set in the living room.
Sophia: Yeah, but you never let me watch what I like. And I wanna make sure I don't miss that final episode of MASH I've been hearing so much about.
Blanche: Sophia, honey, that show hasn't been on in years.
Sophia: Is Hotel still on?
Blanche: Yes.
Sophia: Hotel is still on and MASH isn't? How gullible do you think I am? Do I look like Donna Rice?

Dorothy: That pizza was delicious.
Blanche: The best.
Rose: There's still one piece left, who wants it?
Dorothy: I do.
Blanche: I do.
Rose: Well, I can split it three ways.
Sophia: What am I supposed to do, lick the box?
Dorothy: Ma, you don't like store bought pizza, you prefer homemade.
Sophia: I also prefer milk straight from a cow. I adapt. [takes the last slice and eats it] This is awful. [tosses it away]

[flashback:]
Marty: When you said we're going dancing tonight, you failed to mention it was a dance marathon.
Blanche: Well, the first prize is $1000 and I have to have that money. I'm in desperate need of medical attention.
Marty: Is it serious?
Blanche: Very. If I can't afford a new fall wardrobe, I'll never land myself a doctor.

Rose: I will never forget the look on your face when Dorothy and I tangoed on to the floor.
Blanche: And I will never forget the look on your faces when you were disqualified and I won the thousand dollars.
Dorothy: And it was so sporting of you to share your winnings. With my $10 I got that can opener I always wanted.

[flashback:]
Blanche: Well, have yourself a good time. Try not to overdo it.
Dorothy: Blanche, what is that supposed to mean?
Blanche: Oh, nothing. Just that these things can be a little strenuous for a woman of your years.
Dorothy: Who am I, Minnie Eisenhower? I think I can last just as long as you can.
Blanche: Oh, Dorothy, please. I think I do have a little more endurance than you.
Dorothy: Blanche, we are not dancing on our backs.
Blanche: You take that back.
Dorothy: I will not. You just implied that I'm an old lady.
Blanche: Oh, well, honey, I didn't mean to imply it. I meant to say it flat out.

[flashback:]
Blanche: You know, this is boring.
Rose: I know how we could make the time go faster. We could sing a work song, like they do on the railroad. Just follow my lead. [singing] Gonna stuff a chicken.
Blanche & Dorothy: Gonna stuff a chicken
Rose: Like my mama taught me
Blanche & Dorothy: Like my mama taught me
Rose: Gonna take the chicken, [high-pitched] down to Mississippi
Sophia: Rose. Rose, just stuff it.

[flashback:]
Dorothy: Who is it?
Priscilla: It's Priscilla.
Dorothy: Priscilla?
Rose: Priscilla, you're getting married tomorrow. You should be in bed.
Priscilla: There's not gonna be a wedding.
Dorothy: The hell there isn't. Sorry, dear, you were saying?

[flashback:]
Priscilla: Ramone and I had a fight. I decided I'm not gonna marry him.
Blanche: Oh, honey, now that's ridiculous to call off your wedding because of a silly little argument. What did Ramone do?
Priscilla: He slept with my best friend.
Dorothy: We're gonna eat chicken for the rest of our lives.

[flashback:]
Rose: Girls, wait a minute. We're talking about the sacred institution of marriage here. Are you willing to sacrifice the happiness of these two kids for the almighty dollar?
All: Yes.
Rose: I just wanted to be sure we're in agreement.

[flashback:]
Priscilla: I can't thank you ladies enough. We're so much in love. Ramone can't even wait until tomorrow.
Rose: Oh, isn't that sweet.
Priscilla: We're eloping to Las Vegas.
Blanche: You're what?
Priscilla: He's booking the flight now.
Dorothy: Oh, congratulations, darling.
Sophia: Congratulations?
Dorothy: Oh, listen, we were going to give you your wedding gift tomorrow, but since we won't see you, why don't you take it home with you tonight.
Priscilla: Thank you. [exits]
Blanche: Good night. Dorothy, are you crazy? We're gonna lose a fortune on this wedding.
Rose: And you let her march out that door with your best piece of crystal.
Dorothy: [on the phone] Hello, police? Yeah, I'd like to report a robbery.