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‘One for the Money’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: One for the Money

302. One for the Money

Aired September 26, 1987

As Sophia devises a get rich quick scheme so she can buy a TV, the girls reminisce about their previous attempts to make a little extra money.

Quote from Dorothy

[flashback:]
Rose: Let me give you a little friendly advice. You're wasting your time. 'Cause that thousand dollar prize is gonna be mine. When I was younger, I was known as the dancing fool.
Dorothy: How old were you when they dropped the "dancing" part?

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Quote from Dorothy

[flashback:]
Blanche: Who on earth could that be at 3 o'clock in the morning?
Dorothy: Maybe it's a Jehovah's Witness with a caffeine problem.

Quote from Sophia

[flashback:]
Rose: Maybe we should have a weapon.
Sophia: Please, the three of you without make up is enough to scare anyone.

Quote from Rose

[flashback:]
Dorothy: You know what your problem is? You can't stand a little competition. which is why you tried to keep this a secret.
Blanche: Well, I notice you're here too, Dorothy. So you tried to keep it a secret from me.
Rose: Hi, girls.
Dorothy: Et tu, Judas?
Rose: No, it's me, Rose.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Don't say no, just hear me out. Do you think I'm cute?
Dorothy: Oh, Ma.
Sophia: Just answer.
Dorothy: Yes, Ma, I think you're cute.
Sophia: Would you say cute verging on adorable?
Blanche: Sophia, what's this all about?
Sophia: Just picture my face on this jar filled with my tomato sauce. We could put Paul Newman out of business.
Dorothy: Ma, if you had your choice of a spaghetti sauce with your picture on it or Paul Newman's picture on it, which would you choose?
Sophia: Back to square one.

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: Hi, Rose.
Blanche: We brought dinner.
Rose: What'd you get?
Dorothy: A bucket of chicken. I hope you like it extra flat and crispy.
Blanche: It's a pizza, Rose.
Rose: I knew that, I just meant what kind?
Blanche: Did you really know that, Rose?
Rose: No. But I thought I could cover.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: I'm glad you're all here. I want you to try something. Here, taste this. What do you think?
Blanche: It's water.
Sophia: I didn't ask you to identify it, I asked you what you thought.
Rose: It's good.
Sophia: Just good?
Dorothy: Very good.
Sophia: How would you describe the taste?
Blanche: Refreshing, clear, clean.
Sophia: Would you buy this water?
Rose: Sure, why not?
Dorothy: Absolutely.
Sophia: We're rich. We're rich. It comes from the hose out back. Move over Perrier, Petrillo water is on the way.
Dorothy: Ma.
Sophia: I know what you're gonna say. Another one of my get-rich-quick schemes. This is different. I've been working on this since noon.

Quote from Sophia

[flashback:]
Dorothy: Girls, this time I think we have really hit the jackpot.
Blanche: Oh, me too. This wedding consulting business is the smartest thing we've ever done.
Rose: I don't know. I'm a little nervous about tomorrow. I've never cooked for 300 people.
Sophia: Please, in Sicily, we did it all the time. And we didn't have the modern conveniences you have today. We had to slaughter our own meat, prepare our own seasonings, and, if the food wasn't perfect, after cappuccino, they shot the cook.
Dorothy: Ma, you're making that up.
Sophia: No, I'm not. Why do you think there are only two guys from Italy?

Quote from Sophia

[flashback:]
Sophia: Listen. Be grateful he got it out of his system before the marriage. It'll give you something to make him feel guilty about. Most women go through three, four years of marriage for ammunition like that.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: But that wasn't a scheme, Sophia, that was a legitimate business.
Sophia: And we lost our shirts. That's the beauty of this water thing. You can't lose. It's a rip off, pure and simple. That's why the French were the first ones to come up with it.

Quote from Sophia

Rose: Sophia, why are you so obsessed with money?
Sophia: Because I wanna buy a TV for my bedroom.
Dorothy: Ma, we have a perfectly good TV set in the living room.
Sophia: Yeah, but you never let me watch what I like. And I wanna make sure I don't miss that final episode of MASH I've been hearing so much about.
Blanche: Sophia, honey, that show hasn't been on in years.
Sophia: Is Hotel still on?
Blanche: Yes.
Sophia: Hotel is still on and MASH isn't? How gullible do you think I am? Do I look like Donna Rice?

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: That pizza was delicious.
Blanche: The best.
Rose: There's still one piece left, who wants it?
Dorothy: I do.
Blanche: I do.
Rose: Well, I can split it three ways.
Sophia: What am I supposed to do, lick the box?
Dorothy: Ma, you don't like store bought pizza, you prefer homemade.
Sophia: I also prefer milk straight from a cow. I adapt. [takes the last slice and eats it] This is awful. [tosses it away]

Quote from Blanche

[flashback:]
Marty: When you said we're going dancing tonight, you failed to mention it was a dance marathon.
Blanche: Well, the first prize is $1000 and I have to have that money. I'm in desperate need of medical attention.
Marty: Is it serious?
Blanche: Very. If I can't afford a new fall wardrobe, I'll never land myself a doctor.

Quote from Blanche

Rose: I will never forget the look on your face when Dorothy and I tangoed on to the floor.
Blanche: And I will never forget the look on your faces when you were disqualified and I won the thousand dollars.
Dorothy: And it was so sporting of you to share your winnings. With my $10 I got that can opener I always wanted.


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