Blanche: Well, it's unspeakable, that's what it is. Absolutely unspeakable.
Dorothy: Oh, Blanche, are you pretending you just found your first gray hair again?
Blanche: Dorothy, just because you have to walk around lookin' like an English lawyer doesn't mean everybody has to.

Rose: Tell me the truth. Do these glasses make me look stupid?
Blanche: Let's just say they don't hide it.
Rose: The consumer show asked me to test these chemically treated lenses. The theory is they don't fog up when you come in from the cold. Excuse me. [places head in the refrigerator]
Dorothy: Rose, you wanna run that looking stupid question by us again?
Rose: I'm just doing my job.
Dorothy: Rose, leave the glasses in the refrigerator, close the door and keep your head out here with us.
Rose: Well, how will I know if they fog up?
Dorothy: The little man who lives in there who turns the light on and off, he'll tell you.
Rose: I'm not in the mood for jokes, especially about the little man. You know he scares me.

Rose: It's really been hitting me lately. Everybody's job down at the TV station is exciting but mine.
Dorothy: Well, then why not look for a more challenging position?
Rose: I did hear something about an opening for a weekend news reporter. Oh, what am I talking about? I don't have any experience.
Sophia: You don't need experience. You've got the one thing every TV reporter needs: hair that doesn't move.

Rose: Maybe we better think this over. We don't have any right to go breaking into somebody's home.
Blanche: We're not breaking in. I have a key. Let's see. "Baldwin," "Baxter"... Ah, here it is. "Bushman." No. Oh, that's Al Bushman. Here we go. "Mel Bushman."

Blanche: Well, I may say things like that, but the truth is Mel makes me feel young and beautiful and special. When we're together, we laugh a lot.
Sophia: Why wouldn't you? You're both naked.

Blanche: There's more to Mel and me than just the physical, Sophia. We share things. I couldn't be intimate with just anybody.
Sophia: Oh, yeah? What about the guy who painted our address on the curb?
Blanche: You make it sound like it was a one-night stand. He'll be back when it's faded.

Blanche: I'm all ready for my big date.
Sophia: What big date? You're going out with Mel Bushman.
Blanche: I know. Isn't it wonderful? Tonight, Mel and I are starting a brand-new relationship. Do you realize how rare it is to find out the person you've been sleeping with is the person you love?
Dorothy: No, but you can't go by me. I have morals.

Rose: Dog show. Miami's 13th annual. Oh, that's right, ladies. This afternoon, I'm gonna get the scoop on man's best friend.
Dorothy: Oh, congratulations, honey. I know you're gonna do a great job.
Rose: Oh, I just wish my mother and father were here to see this.
Blanche: Because they'd be so proud of you?
Rose: No, because they'd be alive.

Blanche: Oh! My God, I've got goose bumps. Mel will be here any minute.
Dorothy: Why are you so jumpy? You've been out with Mel a thousand times.
Blanche: I know, but now there's more at stake. Everything's changed. It's all new and exciting. In many ways, I feel just the way I felt when I was a virgin.
Sophia: You mean, the feeling isn't gonna last long?
Blanche: Are you implying I lost my virginity at an early age?
Sophia: I'm just saying you're lucky Jack and Jill magazine didn't have a gossip column.
Dorothy: Ma!
Sophia: Please, Pussycat, I'm on a roll.
Blanche: I'm sorry, Sophia, but I am not gonna let your skepticism ruin my entire evening. Mel and I were meant to be together.
Sophia: I wish I could say the same for your thighs. God, I'm hot tonight.

Sophia: Look how they pamper these dogs. They eat when they want to, sleep when they want to, go to the bathroom anywhere they- Hey, I do have it pretty good. Now, if I could just get you to crack the window when you lock me in the car.
Dorothy: Ma, stop it.