Rose: [on tape] This is Rose Nylund for Channel 8 News here at the Miami Pet Dog Expo, and I am an eyewitness to something shocking! [gunshots] People who look like their dogs.
Robber: I said keep quiet and don't move!
Rose: That handsome fella you see back there with his hand in the air is Brian Kingsley of Boca Raton. With him is his best buddy Barney, a basset hound you'd swear was a member of his family. As we move closer, you'll notice Barney's collar matches Brian's Rolex.

Rose: [on tape] I'm here beneath the information table with Bill Peterson and his similarly profiled bulldog Churchill. It's amazing. That bulldog could be your brother. But I guess you get that a lot.
Bill: Actually, I do. [gunshots] Uh, could we discuss this later?

Blanche: For your information, I'm upset because I had a date, and he called and canceled.
Dorothy: Oh, honey, I'm sorry. Was it anybody special?
Blanche: Well, that's not the point. He might have taken me someplace where I'd meet someone who is.
Dorothy: You know, it's amazing. Beneath that thin veneer of superficiality, somehow, miraculously, there is another even thinner veneer.

Blanche: Girls, I do not know what I'm gonna do. I called Mel all last night and all of today. I haven't gotten through to him yet.
Dorothy: Oh, the nerve. If you wind up having to read a book because of that man-
Blanche: Where can he be? He never leaves the house, not even for me.
Dorothy: What is this Bushman-ia all of a sudden? This is a man you see, what, five times a year? A man you yourself describe as "Fred Flintstone with a better car."

Blanche: Well, Bushman awaits. You know, I learned something tonight. A relationship is more than sex and fun and videos and good times. Thank God this isn't a relationship.

Blanche: What am I gonna do? What on God's green earth am I gonna do?
Dorothy: You can stay home tonight. We're gonna watch one of those John Bradshaw specials on PBS.
Sophia: Yeah, we're gonna see if we can't get Dorothy's inner child to shut up.

Blanche: I'll call Mel Bushman.
Dorothy: Of course. Mel Bushman. Old reliable. Mr. Backup. How long has it been? What, three years that the two of you have been insignificant others?

Blanche: Yeah. Yes, it has been. Mel and I have something really unique. We're like- I don't know. What do you call it when two people get together when they need somebody but don't make demands on each other when they're apart?
Sophia: Out-call massage.

Blanche: That's odd. He's usually home by now.
Dorothy: Well, he is the zipper king. Maybe he got stuck in traffic. Ha-ha!

Rose: Dorothy, Sophia, I told the news director I was interested in the reporter's position, and guess what he did.
Dorothy: A Danny Thomas spit-take?
Rose: No, he's giving me an actual news story to cover as an audition. So I was hoping you could help me get comfortable on camera so I'll be ready when he gives me my assignment.
[Sophia does a spit-take]