‘Melodrama’
Season 6, Episode 19 - Aired February 16, 1991
When Blanche fears that a regular companion of hers has died, she realizes just how much their casual relationship means to her. Meanwhile, Rose auditions for a TV reporter role.
Quote from Rose
Rose: This is Rose Nylund. We're here chatting with my good friend Dorothy Zbornak. Welcome, Dorothy.
Dorothy: Hello. It's a pleasure to be here.
Rose: So, can you tell me what it- Oh. So tell me, Dorothy, what's it like being a substitute teacher?
Dorothy: Rose, honey, excuse me, but I think you should take another tack. I'm not saying that my job is boring-
Sophia: Say it, Dorothy. Say it.
Dorothy: No, I just feel you should ask more probing questions.
Rose: Okey-dokey. Let's see. Ah. Isn't it a fact that you have a drawer full of retirement home brochures and you're just waiting for the first sign of dribble on your mother's chin to lock her away forever?
Dorothy: [laughs] She- She's kidding. [laughs]
Rose: Your sock drawer, Dorothy. You know, the- The one you-know-who can't reach?
Sophia: I knew you were keeping pictures there, but I had no idea. You disgust me.
Quote from Dorothy
Blanche: Oh, my God. There must be two weeks' worth of papers here.
Dorothy: Now calm down honey. This doesn't say "dead." It says... OK, let's get this over with.
Quote from Blanche
Blanche: You know, girls, I've been thinkin'. Ever since Mel and I met, I always figured he'd be around when I needed him, but I never thought about his needs. All I cared about were mine. I just always figured he'd be available, and he was. Oh, girls, he's always been there for me. I just took him for granted.
Dorothy: Oh, honey, honey, don't do this to yourself. You take everyone for granted.
Blanche: Thank you, Dorothy.
Quote from Dorothy
Blanche: Well, so far nothing seems out of place.
Rose: Look at this Exercycle. It's never been used.
Blanche: Oh, yeah, we've been on it.
Dorothy: Don't ask, Ma.
Quote from Dorothy
Blanche: I'm not gonna stand for this.
Sophia: Take it, Dorothy.
Dorothy: But I'll bet you'll lay down for it.
Blanche: Well, that was just plain rude. Some people just don't know when to quit. [Sophia walks out with Blanche]
Quote from Blanche
Blanche: This'll be far enough. Thanks very much for making this evening a total disaster.
Mel: Sweetheart, give yourself some credit. It wouldn't have been a total disaster without you.
Blanche: Oh really, Mr. "No Guy With an Earring Parks My Car"? My God. You'd think an elegant restaurant like that would bring out the best in a man.
Mel: What it brought out was $250 from my wallet.
Blanche: It was a special occasion.
Mel: Where I come from, $250 is 5 special occasions and a bottle of Scotch. You'd think for all that money, they'd hang a picture on the wall.
Blanche: The minimalist decor is designed to enhance conversation.
Mel: Nothing to look at, what's to talk about?
Blanche: I would think I would be enough.
Mel: Talk about you? We didn't have to go out on a date to do that.
Blanche: You think I'm borin'?
Mel: No, sweetheart, I think you're fantastic. With a guy like me, a little fantastic goes a long way. I mean, look what we got now. Every couple of weeks you call me when one of your boyfriends don't show up. I tell ya, "Bushman awaits." We rent a movie, we order some takeout, we talk about you. That's entertainment. I love that.
Blanche: And we cuddle.
Mel: Sometimes we do more than cuddle. Sometimes you stay. That's the part I like the best. When you stay. Every couple of weeks, you bring a little class to Bushman's place.
Quote from Blanche
Blanche: Why, Mel Bushman, are you sayin' you love me?
Mel: Yeah. I love you. I love you the way we are now. But, sweetheart, you start with relationships and love, and I gotta put on a tie twice a week to eat food I can't even see I mean, we got a problem.
Blanche: I guess that without thinkin' about it, you've become a very comfortable part of my life. When I thought you were gone, suddenly life wasn't so comfortable anymore. I really missed you.
Mel: Nah, you missed knowing Bushman awaits.
Quote from Blanche
Mel: Why don't we call it off and go back to being friends? I got a great idea. Why don't you come over to my place? I'm hungry. I'll go to Wolfie's, get some pastrami. We can rent Out of Africa.
Blanche: We've rented it five times and never made it through to the end.
Mel: I know, but it always works.
Blanche: I do love you, Mel, as a friend.
Mel: Like I said, sweetheart, you got a lot of class.
Quote from Blanche
Rose: I didn't get it.
Blanche: What?
Rose: I didn't get the job!
Blanche: Oh, Rose, your little dog show not go well? I'm so sorry. Let's talk about me, then.
Quote from Rose
Rose: [on tape] The police have just informed me that there was also a robbery by an unidentified man. Perhaps this little fella knows who he is.