[Dorothy opens the front door]
Stan: Hiya, sweetie pie. How ya doin'?
Dorothy: Fine, cupcake. Thanks for asking. [closes door]
Stan: [doorbell rings] Dorothy, I know you're in there.
[Dorothy opens the door]
Stan: You always could slam a door. That's one of the things I love about you.
Dorothy: You flatter me. [closes door again]

Stan: Sophia, I'm not proposing. I'm here because Dorothy and I just inherited an apartment building. We're gonna be landlords together. It's not a very big building, but she'll still clear a couple hundred bucks a month.
Blanche: Dorothy, this is wonderful. With that kind of money, we can hire a really good-lookin' gardener.

Stan: So, um, what do you say, babe? Partners?
Dorothy: Goodbye, Stan.
Stan: OK. I get the message. I guess I'm just not a person you want in your life.
Dorothy: 3...2...1.
Stan: Am I?
Dorothy: Goodbye, Stan.

Angelo: I'm sorry. I cannot pretend no more.
Dorothy: Uncle Angelo, what's wrong?
Angelo: It's a long sad story, a story of love, a story of deception, a story of a fool.
Rose: You know the story of Elsie Holdenfelder?
Dorothy: Well, absolutely, Rose. That one's even more popular in Europe than it is here.

Angelo: I met a beautiful young Sicilian aerobics instructor. Gorgeous eyes, angelic mouth and a behind that must have been made on a Saturday because even the good Lord himself would want to take a day off to admire it. I lost my heart and I opened my wallet, eh? Oh dear, the expensive gifts and fancy dinners and weekends in Mykonos, eh? I even wore one of those, uh, tiny Speedo swimsuits, shows all your gingerbread and everything. And she leaves me. What does a 6'7" American basketball player got that I don't?
Blanche: Well, Angelo, speaking in terms of the gingerbread alone...

Angelo: Anyway, I spend so much money on this girl, I forget about my business. The bank foreclosed, leaving me flat broke. I got no savings, no place to live. And I gotta tell you, a lot of women find this a negative.
Sophia: It's a family curse, this obsession with women. The men in our family are weak. Why couldn't they all be more like Cousin Antony?
Dorothy: Oh, Ma, Cousin Antony had an obsession with men in cowboy hats who hung around Times Square.

Angelo: What am I gonna do?
Sophia: You're gonna trust in your family, because family is there when you're down, and family stops at nothing - nothing! - to help one of their own. Blanche, I want my brother Angelo to come here and live with us.
Blanche: Oh, I'm sorry, Sophia. There's just no room.
Sophia: Hey, I tried.

Rose: Going once. Going twice.
Dorothy: You still want to tell me this isn't degrading?
Sophia: Don't be ridiculous. It's for charity.
Rose: Sold! For $4.
Sophia: Well, it's degrading if you don't hit double figures.

Blanche: I really appreciate your bidding on Dorothy. It's for a good cause. You'll be rewarded. Not in this lifetime.

Dorothy: I want to thank you all for holding this event on a night when my hang glider is in the shop and, uh, Congress is in recess and the lepers are on Geraldo.